Boys Become Men

09/28/22 • 47 min

This episode talks about some things to consider for those of us raising boys within this style of parenting.
Most of our boys get messages throughout their childhood that value strength, minimizing emotional expression, and leadership. This teaches them to ignore their emotions and the messages their body is sending, for the sake of appearing strong and in control.
Emotional intelligence has generally been determined to be greater in girls when compared to boys. We tend to expect heightened emotionality from our girls, and we often respond accordingly, which integrates those messages more and more.
We often celebrate strength, power, and toughness while minimzing emotions such as hurt, pain, embarrassment, or sadness, we teach them what is important and how one is better than the other. Without validating every emotion and allowing those to be expressed, we disconnect them from themselves, making it difficult for them to communicate, understand, and manage their emotions appropriately.
Many of the messages we send have a tendency to teach our boys that they are better than girls or girls are not as smart, strong, or capable than other boys or men. We have to throw away virtually all stereotypes, such as colors, toys, chores, etc. We also need to teach about healthy relationships - people are not allowed to touch their body if they don't want them to, and they should not touch another person if they don't want them to.
It's unrealistic to believe that the way our kids interact and process emotions, relationships, and behaviors can automatically change when our kids become adults. Neurons that fire together, wire together, so it's crucial for us to teach them healthy, appropriate ways of expressing themselves, communicating with others, and devloping healthy relationships.
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Previous Episode

Next Generation

In this episode Leah and Beka talk about their own parents - what they think about the podcast and gentle parenting, and how this process has impacted their relationship. We also discuss how to navigate relationships with family members who may not agree with everything "gentle parenting" related.
It's important to remember that families of origin have the greatest impact on kids, so even if your children are with other people or family members often, parents and guardians have the greatest influence. You can allow your family members to have their own relationships with your kids, while also setting boundaries around your non negotiables, such as spanking, shame, invalidating, etc.
We continue to believe that our parents did the absolute best with the information they had at the time and what they believed was right. At the same time, we also want to do some things differently based on the information we have now and what we believe is right.
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Next Episode

Girls, Girls, Girls

This episode continues our discussion about gender and parenting, talking through how to raise resilient girls.
Overall, we want our daughters to own their voice and opinions, be confident in their thoughts and feelings, and to understand their worth and that it's not dependent on anyone else.
Similar to boys, we want to avoid most of the gender stereotypes, including clothing, toys, and activities. We always want to model healthy relationships and gender roles/norms. How you structure your family and divide responsibilities is not what's most important, but instead how you talk about those roles and responsibilities is what will teach your kids how to think about these activities.
It's very important that our girls learn that they are not responsible for the behavior of other people. This can start really small but grow as they age to make them responsible for the anger, sadness, violence, or assult of other people.
Research has clearly demonstrated the impact social media has on our girls and their self esteem, mental health, and social well being. Research has also shown that basic education about how social media works can help protect our girls from the negative effects of social media as they enter adolescence.
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