Why is Porn So Addictive?
01/23/25 • 57 min
In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of pornography, and why it's such a hard "drug" to quit. Scott and Tami then answer participant questions about porn addiction and recovery support for both the addict and the partner.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] Porn, written porn, and ‘not porn’ – all from a porn addict’s perspective.
[2:47] What makes so appealing porn to addicts?
[4:20] The two elements of pornography that make it highly addictive.
[12:45] What is happening inside your brain while watching porn?
[13:51] Porn, cocaine, and orgasm payoffs, ranked by pleasure levels.
[16:20] Why do some addicts have a physical library collection of porn?
[19:38] By escaping, porn addicts miss out on the good as well as the bad.
[24:48] Should I start using video editing apps to take away erotic content?
[27:20] What is the difference between porn addiction and compulsive porn usage?
[28:23] Is there anything healthy about sexualizing myself in a performative way?
[31:07] Is any element of porn usage healthy?
[34:12] As a sex and porn addict, is there any scenario where I could view porn in a healthy manner?
[38:30] Is sex itself ever going to be satisfying enough for my porn addict partner?
[42:13] How do I protect myself from rewiring my brain into an addict's brain?
[45:30] Is my addict partner trying to escape our marriage?
[48:58] If we have sex every night will my partner stop cheating?
[50:47] How can I be the best cheerleader to my partner through recovery?
[52:01] Is watching porn considered cheating?
[55:10] Resources that focus on grief and loss of porn addiction.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “If I’m looking at an image to get a physical arousal, it’s porn, whether somebody else would classify it as porn or not.”
- “Porn addict brains and cocaine addict brains are indistinguishable. The parts that are over and under developed look exactly the same.”
- “Addictions are not about pleasure. They’re about escape.”
- “There is nothing in a TV show that is worth me losing my recovery.”
- “There is no ‘just one’ for addicts.”
- “There is not a partner on the planet that can make their addict not act out if they’re ultimately going to.”
In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of pornography, and why it's such a hard "drug" to quit. Scott and Tami then answer participant questions about porn addiction and recovery support for both the addict and the partner.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] Porn, written porn, and ‘not porn’ – all from a porn addict’s perspective.
[2:47] What makes so appealing porn to addicts?
[4:20] The two elements of pornography that make it highly addictive.
[12:45] What is happening inside your brain while watching porn?
[13:51] Porn, cocaine, and orgasm payoffs, ranked by pleasure levels.
[16:20] Why do some addicts have a physical library collection of porn?
[19:38] By escaping, porn addicts miss out on the good as well as the bad.
[24:48] Should I start using video editing apps to take away erotic content?
[27:20] What is the difference between porn addiction and compulsive porn usage?
[28:23] Is there anything healthy about sexualizing myself in a performative way?
[31:07] Is any element of porn usage healthy?
[34:12] As a sex and porn addict, is there any scenario where I could view porn in a healthy manner?
[38:30] Is sex itself ever going to be satisfying enough for my porn addict partner?
[42:13] How do I protect myself from rewiring my brain into an addict's brain?
[45:30] Is my addict partner trying to escape our marriage?
[48:58] If we have sex every night will my partner stop cheating?
[50:47] How can I be the best cheerleader to my partner through recovery?
[52:01] Is watching porn considered cheating?
[55:10] Resources that focus on grief and loss of porn addiction.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “If I’m looking at an image to get a physical arousal, it’s porn, whether somebody else would classify it as porn or not.”
- “Porn addict brains and cocaine addict brains are indistinguishable. The parts that are over and under developed look exactly the same.”
- “Addictions are not about pleasure. They’re about escape.”
- “There is nothing in a TV show that is worth me losing my recovery.”
- “There is no ‘just one’ for addicts.”
- “There is not a partner on the planet that can make their addict not act out if they’re ultimately going to.”
Previous Episode
Navigating the Pain Field
Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami discuss and answer questions about building confidence in recovery. They describe the coping strategies and layers of hurt that can be found on the pain field, and the four things that have to happen in order for a partner to successfully stay on the pain field in order to work toward recovery and healing. This session was live via SexandRelationshipHealing.com on February 21, 2024.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] The pain field is a place where both partners are speaking a different language.
[5:03] Emotional dysregulation happens when either partner leaves the pain field.
[7:25] Where does a partner go when they leave the pain field?
[9:10] Why should a partner want to stay on the pain field?
[11:30] Slowing everything down is the starting point for staying on the field.
[13:52] Quiet down the inner child to engage as an adult.
[15:32] Stay present and engaged, then identify the pain point.
[20:32] If you see your spouse moving off the pain field, tell them.
[24:00] The ultimate goal is reconciliation. Getting there will be a process.
[27:36] If a man is getting flooded, he needs to take a break.
[32:41] My spouse has a pattern of accidentally physically hurting me or my possessions, is this unconscious resentment?
[37:04] If my spouse needs to take a break, why doesn’t he just say so?
[38:12] We just got back together and now I’m experiencing abandonment trauma. What should I be focusing on to feel healthy?
[41:43] How can I be more attune to my wife’s wishes?
[45:20] How important is it that the betrayer be on the pain field?
[48:00] What does Dr. Eddie which he had known early in his recovery?
[49:34] My wife gets triggered when I don’t check in with her. Is this normal in recovery?
[51:45] How can I quiet my inner child if I don’t believe it’s real?
[53:45] My husband doesn’t think he’s dealing with addiction. How can we navigate recovery?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “We’re not going to do anything perfectly, but if we’re willing, we stand a chance.”
- “You have to quiet the inner child before the emotions begin to ramp up.”
- “If you’re not engaged you may as well be on another field.”
- “Your infidelity is the cause, but not the core of your spouse’s pain.”
- “If your partner is totally deflated and depleted, you’re not going to get what you’re looking for. You’re going to get just the opposite.”
Next Episode
Handling Triggers and Fetishes with Erin Snow
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Erin Snow answers participant questions about fetishes and triggers – what they are, where they come from, and what they really mean about a person’s sexuality and the likelihood of successful recovery. She also offers resources and actions betrayed partners can employ to empower themselves while they offer support to their addicted partner.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:56] My husband’s fantasy about my sister underlines his addiction to non-consenting victims.
[4:00] All humans fantasize. That doesn’t make all behaviors acceptable.
[8:00] Do fetishes get more intense from watching porn?
[10:01] Can we incorporate healthy fetishes into our sex life?
[12:47] Is my fetish a sex addiction?
[15:13] What happened in my childhood that led to my fetish?
[20:20] My husband is defensive about watching teen porn. How can I keep myself and our children safe?
[26:29] I think my partner is protecting his addiction, he says I’m crazy. How can I protect myself?
[32:10] I’m going crazy waiting for my partner’s disclosure. What can I do to empower myself in this process?
[38:25] My partner is watching barely-legal porn. What does his fantasy say about our reality?
[45:13] What actions reduce intimacy? My partner doesn’t recognize all of the ways that I’m trying to connect with her.
[50:13] My partner has been lying about his recovery group. How can I reset clear boundaries?
[52:02] My partner never follows through with his safety plan and is relapsing again. I think I’m done, but where do I go from here?
[57:10] My partner’s CSAT causally diagnosed me in their session. Now what?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “Fetishes are not going anywhere. It’s part of your arousal template.”
- “Fetishes are neither good nor bad. It’s just a question of whether you can incorporate it into your sex life.”
- “Knowing the fantasty and the why behind it is not going to solve the problem.”
- “For most of us, recovery is literally learning a new language.”
- “Fantasy life and reality are two very different things that shouldn’t be compared at all.”
- “We are not going to judge you for staying or for going. But that decision has to be yours.”
If you like this episode you’ll love
Episode Comments
Generate a badge
Get a badge for your website that links back to this episode
<a href="https://goodpods.com/podcasts/overcoming-betrayal-and-addiction-286960/why-is-porn-so-addictive-82851654"> <img src="https://storage.googleapis.com/goodpods-images-bucket/badges/generic-badge-1.svg" alt="listen to why is porn so addictive? on goodpods" style="width: 225px" /> </a>
Copy