Attachment Theory and Addiction Recovery
02/20/25 • 47 min
In this webinar, CSAT therapist Jon Taylor offers a high-level overview of Attachment Theory, how it manifests as maturity in a relationship, and how it impacts sex addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. Jon and Tami then answer questions about attachment theory's role in creating strong relationships.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:55] The role of attachment theory in addiction recovery.
[1:58] The history and research of attachment theory.
[7:02] Emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.
[8:20] Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.
[9:35] Patterns in baseline attachment styles.
[13:20] Recent findings in attachment theory.
[15:50] What does attachment theory teach about maturity in relationships?
[19:20] How does attachment style apply to couples in recovery?
[23:18] Contemplating real loss and forgiveness in recovery.
[27:40] How can I navigate trauma in a way that doesn’t traumatize my children?
[29:55] Attachment and personality grow out of temperament, but presentation can change over time.
[35:04] Attachment explains everything, but it’s not the answer to everything.
[36:10] As a partner, how can I preserve our progress and disengage early in the negative cycle?
[39:22] How can I overcome my attachment style to create a stronger marriage?
[43:51] How long should an SA be in treatment before making a long term relationship decision?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “It’s one of the most annoying parts of therapy, but it really does all come back to mom and dad.”
- “Part of attachment theory is understanding that emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.”
- “Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.”
- “Attachment theory is important but it does not totally dictate how we can and must show up in our relationships.”
- “For maturity to take place, we have to learn how to control our impulses.”
- “Attachment explains everything, but it’s not the answer to everything.”
In this webinar, CSAT therapist Jon Taylor offers a high-level overview of Attachment Theory, how it manifests as maturity in a relationship, and how it impacts sex addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. Jon and Tami then answer questions about attachment theory's role in creating strong relationships.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:55] The role of attachment theory in addiction recovery.
[1:58] The history and research of attachment theory.
[7:02] Emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.
[8:20] Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.
[9:35] Patterns in baseline attachment styles.
[13:20] Recent findings in attachment theory.
[15:50] What does attachment theory teach about maturity in relationships?
[19:20] How does attachment style apply to couples in recovery?
[23:18] Contemplating real loss and forgiveness in recovery.
[27:40] How can I navigate trauma in a way that doesn’t traumatize my children?
[29:55] Attachment and personality grow out of temperament, but presentation can change over time.
[35:04] Attachment explains everything, but it’s not the answer to everything.
[36:10] As a partner, how can I preserve our progress and disengage early in the negative cycle?
[39:22] How can I overcome my attachment style to create a stronger marriage?
[43:51] How long should an SA be in treatment before making a long term relationship decision?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “It’s one of the most annoying parts of therapy, but it really does all come back to mom and dad.”
- “Part of attachment theory is understanding that emotions and comfort are not a luxury, they are a necessity.”
- “Maturity in a relationship is not making one another responsible for your attachment deficits.”
- “Attachment theory is important but it does not totally dictate how we can and must show up in our relationships.”
- “For maturity to take place, we have to learn how to control our impulses.”
- “Attachment explains everything, but it’s not the answer to everything.”
Previous Episode
Dopamine Dysregulation in Sex/Porn Addiction
In this episode, Scott Brassart discusses the addictive nature of sex and pornography, and how these addictions create dysregulation in the dopamine rewards system. Scott and Tami also answer participant questions about the difference between habits and addictions and timelines in recovery.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:10] The dopamine system craves rewards and pleasure.
[3:41] The danger of manipulating the dopamine system with addictions.
[6:13] Sexual fantasy delivers a high that is much cheaper than drugs, but just as dangerous.
[6:47] As a self-adjusting and self-healing organ, the brain senses when things are going wrong, but addicts respond by consuming even more.
[10:15] The downregulated brain will always win when chasing a higher high.
[15:26] How long does it take to reset a dysregulated dopamine system?
[16:12] Rerouting the pathways that addiction creates in our brains.
[19:05] Addicts are so focused on acting out that they aren’t paying attention to what they’re missing out on.
[21:51] People who pass the one year mark are much likelier to stay sober for the rest of their lives.
[23:18] Does the brain magically reset?
[24:01] Can sex addicts actually change?
[27:01] My addict husband doesn’t have any problem performing multiple times a day, how is that even possible?
[27:53] Why do I continue to lie to my partner when I know it’s causing her pain?
[32:35] My addictions and ADHD medication have dysregulated my system. What are my options?
[34:11] How can my partner keep relapsing when he promises me he won’t?
[39:36] How can I help my partner who is on the spectrum?
[40:25] How long does someone need sobriety before they can work on trauma?
[44:26] Can we incorporate specific sex acts into our relationship during recovery?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “There’s a reason we have a dopamine system. It’s part of our survival.”
- “The problem with addictions is that we can manipulate the dopamine system.”
- “For addicts, it’s much more about the hunt than the actual sex act.”
- “We have created a chemical imbalance in our brain through our addictions.”
- “Addicts are so focused on acting out that we’re not paying attention to what we’re missing out on.”
- “Once my brain reset I had no interest in going back to the misery.”
- “Addicts chase pleasure as a way of really avoiding pain.”
Next Episode
Recovery On the Spectrum
In this week’s Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Dr. Rob Weiss answers participant questions about spectrum disorders, personality disorders, honest therapeutic disclosure, and the importance of involving qualified professionals in diagnosis and recovery.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:08] What are the key differences between the compulsion of a sex addict and OCD?
[6:08] The danger of self-diagnosing personality and mood disorders.
[11:51] Is the treatment the same for hypersexuality and sex addiction?
[16:50] How can my partner have an honest therapeutic disclosure if he doesn’t remember what he did?
[20:23] The importance of involving qualified professionals in recovery.
[24:46] Am I dealing with a sex addiction or chronic cheating?
[31:36] How does an addict come to recognize lying and omission of details?
[37:46] Is it dangerous for my addicted partner to only communicate with their support group via text?
[39:42] Key differences between addiction and co-occurring mental health issues.
[42:00] Are all CSATs trained in therapeutic disclosure?
[44:56] How can I support my friend on the spectrum with their addiction?
[50:06] Is my partner ready for disclosure if he still has active accounts on sex and dating websites?
[53:23] How can I set healthy boundaries against my partner’s rage?
[54:42] Can my addict partner stay separated from other addicts so they can’t act out together?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
- “At the end of the day, even people with obsessive compulsive disorders can get help.”
- “Often the behavior looks manic, but it’s really addiction.”
- “Having one positive experience isn’t going to drive long-term change.”
- “There is zero downside to doing recovery work.”
- “Stopping problematic behavior is just abstinence, it doesn’t change your life.”
- “Recovery isn’t about stopping behavior. It’s about integrity and doing the right thing.”
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