Episode 6: C-PTSD and Life - Not a Breakdown But a Breakthrough

Explicit content warning

12/10/20 • 29 min

Out of My Mind in Costa Rica-Living with CPTSD

I want to start off right away and let you know I am continually working on sound quality. It is of the utmost importance. With each episode I am learning and improving. For the moment, this is the best I can do and you will need to put up with an occasional 'pop' or 'crackle'. Thanks for your patience.
Today's episode digs into my experiences in Idaho, specifically the pending court date following my 4th arrest for DUI. My attorney advised me to pick a place to go and get out of Idaho or be facing at least a year in jail. I was "chronic". I wasn't getting it. And I was a danger to others.
I talk about moving to California in June, 1975 and again in February, 1984 and how the legal problems in Idaho paved the way for me to become a social worker, going into private practice, writing books and training parents and professionals. None of it would have happened if I weren't so fucked in my early 30's.
Maybe you have been there, maybe you haven't. Either way, optimism and gratitude have played a key role in my life. The dark times of Idaho is but one example of the many times I have crashed and burned only to rise again. like a Phoenix, out of the ashes.
This episode is testimony to power of resilience and perseverance. This was not a pretty picture, but whose life runs like a well-oiled machine? Certainly not mine. And I doubt yours does either. We are all in this together. So, you might as well embrace your humanity, warts and all.
Here's a couple of websites that may be helpful when you are emerging out of the darkness in your life.
Make sure you are sitting down because the CPTSD Foundation goes directly to the heart of C-PTSD. If you don't want to look in the mirror, then don't read it. If you are courageous, you will see the truth and get the help you need.
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2019/04/26/the-difficult-road-to-intimacy-living-with-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/
This article is from the Center for Treatment of Anxiety and Mood Disorders and it stresses the relationship between optimism and resilience. Something we can all use nowadays.
https://centerforanxietydisorders.com/resilience-optimism-trauma-response/
Stewart Collins takes an academic look at Social Workers, Positive Emotions and Optimism. It is long and, yes, it is a research project and no, I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it is bookmarked and I will get to it right away.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/09503150701728186

Previous Episode

Episode 5: C-PTSD, Dissociation and Love - When a Trauma Response is Good

Today I talk about C-PTSD, Dissociation and Love. These episodes are more of a 25 minute rant than a coherent, organized lesson on life. I'm still working on my story-telling skills and each new episode represents my best effort to improve my content and improve the production quality as well. It's probably not good to apologize the first thing in the description. I'm not saying it isn't interesting, I just sort of ramble about, but I think I am able to tie everything in even if that thing isn't part of the title. You be the judge.
Much of the episode is about dissociation and how this amazing brain thing saved me from years of painful, heartbreaking memories. It probably saved me from the developmental and learning problems as well, because it is well documented how child abuse and neglect impact the physical, mental and emotional growth of children.
Dissociation snatched me out of my encestuous family and placed me in a TV family, the Cleavers where I acted out a composite of Theodore (the Beaver) and his older brother Wally. Their parents, Ward and June Cleaver naturally replaced my original parents and fortunately for me I lived in an idyllic small midwestern town, just like the Cleavers.
Thanks to me dissociating, I was spared the painful memories of abuse perpetrated by my paternal grandfather and my older brother. All of these memories are safely tucked away in my subconscious where, I hope they remain forever.
As the Hero Child of this family, I was not wired to remember negative events. I could only remember the good stuff about my family. In this way I kept the secret of incest without even knowing it was a secret. My brain ROCKS!
As usual, here are a couple of websites I found while doing research that I think will be helpful for those of you who are afflicted by PTSD and C-PTSD. You may need to copy and paste the links below. Sorry about that. I'm working on it.
https://cptsdfoundation.org/category/dissociation-and-cptsd/
https://www.brightquest.com/blog/complex-ptsd-and-romantic-relationships-healing-trauma-together-through-treatment/
https://brickelandassociates.com/dissociation-from-trauma/
Be Courageous. Be Strong. Be Kind
I'll catch you later.

Next Episode

Episode 7: C-PTSD and Shame - A Heavy Load to Bear

The decision to talk about shame today came about as a result of being called out by a social work friend. She was absolutely right, I had fucked up. Fortunately it was easy to fix. All I needed to do is delete some footage and edit a couple of paragraphs out of the transcript. Piece of cake, right?
Not so easy when you have PTSD or C-PTSD. In my family, mistakes were dangerous and I tried really, really hard not to make mistakes. Which was impossible, of course. In today's episode I talk about my family and the roles we were all forced to to play in order to survive.
Shame played an integral role in my parent's lives and it played an integral role in my and my brother's lives. I talk about the impact of shame on development and how shame is an incredibly power tool to manipulate and control people.
Here are a few
https://cptsdfoundation.org/
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-and-shame-2797529
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-and-shame-2797529

Out of My Mind in Costa Rica-Living with CPTSD - Episode 6: C-PTSD and Life - Not a Breakdown But a Breakthrough

Transcript

C-PTSD and Life

Crash and Burn - Repeat If Necessary

December 10, 2020

Hello and welcome to Out of My Mind in Costa Rica. I’m your host, Ray Erickson.

Before I get started, I need to tell you something. The Navedades have arrived in Grifo Alto, Costa Rica. These are seasonal winds that hurl themselves out of the East every December and boy is it windy out there today. I’m telling you this because at times the wind is blowing so hard it cau