Out of My Mind in Costa Rica-Living with CPTSD

Episode 22

C-PTSD and More Grief

And the Grief Goes On

March 25, 2021

Yeah, the grief continued all through this week. Remember last week when I talked about grief has no time restrictions? Well, last week really proved this to be true. Last week’s episode I focused on the 5 Stages of Grief and how you too will go through these stages, even if it is for the loss of your favorite fountain pen.

This week was more like surviving the grief and I tell you all about it in this week’s episode. I took some bold moves to combat the ongoing and what seems like everlasting grief this week. I had pretty good results as evidenced by the fact that I actually was able to produce an episode this week.

As usual, here are some websites that offer more information about grieving when you have Complex Post Traumatic Stress.

An Evolutionary Framework for Understanding Grief by Randolph M. Nesse. This is an academic projects and packs a lot of punch. If you have an insatiable thirst for knowledge then this article may interest you.

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~nesse/Articles/Nesse-EvolutionBereavement-2005.pdf

Here’s a brief article on accessing your need to grieve those childhood losses that so many people with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress experience.

https://mindkindmom.com/grief-complex-ptsd/

Here’s a series of relative articles that are much easier on the brain that the more scholastic articles I am sharing this week. I hope you like them.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/category/grief/

I just discovered Pete Walker as I prepared this week’s podcast. He has been through it all and has lived to talk about it. Not only that, but he has also dedicated his professional career to helping people with Complex PTSD. My hat’s off to you, Pete Walker.

http://pete-walker.com/managingAbandonDepression.htm

C-PTSD and 2020

Out with the Old and in with the New

It’s New Year’s Eve and the end of 2020. Yeehaa! Today I am looking at endings and beginnings, like everyone else, I am sharing my resolutions for the new year, although I don’t call them resolutions, I call them priorities, because that is what resolutions are.

We’ve all been waiting for this day to arrive and it is just like 2020 to go and fuck our New Year’s Eve celebrations. What has the world become. Anyway, for people with PTSD or C-PTSD this time of year usually brings about a lot of anxiety.

We know, from experience, that the new year will probably just like the old year. But for a few of us faithful, there is always the possibility of healing.

I talk about Attachment Theory and Attachment styles today and if you are in a roller coaster relationship, then maybe, this episode will help nudge you along in a direction that will yield real results. I’m not saying it will be easy. Quite the opposite in fact, healing and change is never easy, so buckle up and hang on, 2020 will likely spill over into 2021 so you had better get your priorities straight.

Here is a great website on psych issues overall, but this article give you a quick look at attachment styles and you will be able to get a good idea of where you fit into the models. All you need to do is be honest with yourself.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-change-your-attachment-style#3

Here’s a great article on healing from C-PTSD by Dr. Arielle Schwartz. A key component of healing according to her article is it is critical for the survivor to take personal responsibility for their habitual thoughts and actions. It’s straight forward and easily digestible. Give it a read.

https://drarielleschwartz.com/hope-for-complex-ptsd-recovery-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.X-5OkthKhEY

The Wellness Society has published a great handbook for those of you who are suffering from the symptoms of C-PTSD. Your loved ones will benefit from checking it out as well.

https://thewellnesssociety.org/healing-cptsd-the-ultimate-online-guide/

Until next time, remember:

Be courageous. Be Strong. Be Kind. I’ll catch you later. Bye

Episode 19

C-PTSD and Communication

Good Communication Communicates

March 11, 2021

Would you like to improve your communication? Here are Four simple steps that will make an immediate impact. Implement these strategies into your repertoire and life will get better.

1. Stay in your own lane. You can’t speak for the other person. You can only speak to your own needs, your own wants, and your own desires. Keep in mind that it the responsibility of the speaker to be clear, and it is the responsibility of the listener to listen.
2. Practice self-soothing. Use your breath to help you regain clarity in your message. Breathe deeply and slowly. In addition, know exactly, what you want to say. It must be clear in your mind before you can convey it clearly to another person.
3. Use what they call an “I message.” This is a way of talking to your loved one, your boss, your child or pretty much anyone. It is easy to do and extremely effective. It helps you to stay on your side of the road. (#1)

I Messages have two “I’s” in them. Like your head has two eyes. It is basically a three-step process.

Step 1 State how you are feeling.

1. I feel sad ...

2. I feel happy ...

3. I feel anxious ...

Step 2 State the experience.

1. when I am not included in your plans.

2. when I see your smiling face.

3. when I get no response from you.

Step 3 Together they go like this.

1. I feel sad when I am not included in your plans.

2. I feel happy when I see your smiling face.

3. I feel anxious when there is no response from you.

Repeat step 1, 2 and 3 as often as you need to.

Stonewalling turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. The moment I realized I have been stonewalled for years, I realized that the jig was up and I had only one choice left.

https://www.kylebenson.net/stonewalling/

I cannot stress enough the role that Attachment Styles and Communication come into play when it comes to healthy relationships. Here are a couple of sites that take a closer look at attachment theory and how people with C-PTSD have less social support.

https://www.yourtango.com/2019329229/attachment-styles-that-affect-your-communication-skills-relationships

https://sciworthy.com/people-with-complex-ptsd-report-less-social-support-than-those-with-ptsd/

Alexander Draghici, MS, LCPC, from e-counseling.com has come up with 20 things NOT to say to people with PTSD. E-Counseling is an online mental health resource for people seeking support, advice and a connection to a licensed counselor.

https://www.e-counseling.com/ptsd/things-not-to-say-to-someone-with-ptsd/

Episode 26

C-PTSD and COVID-19

I’m Fully Vaccinated-Now What?

May 13, 2021

In this week’s episode I talk about how the pandemic has impacted me and what role did Complex-Post Traumatic Stress play in how I am managing my experience with COVID-19. For me, I take it one day at a time and on occasion, I take it one hour at a time or one minute at a time. For me the key is to be mindful and if you forget, that’s alright you can always return to being mindful any time you realize you were not being mindful. Chew on that for a minute. While you are chewing on that last comment, here are some websites I found that may contribute to the discussion. Thank you for listening to Out of My Mind in Costa Rica – Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress.

This is a very vivid personal account of Jackie Armstrong, a woman with Complex PTSD and how COVID-19 impacted her life. Her story is very powerful.

How the COVID-19 Pandemic Is Triggering My Complex PTSD (yahoo.com)

This is a nice article published in the Medical News Today newsletter. It gives a brief overview of PTSD, pinpoints the specific things you can do if the pandemic is impacting you or someone you love who has PTSD.

PTSD and coronavirus (COVID-19): Symptoms and how to cope (medicalnewstoday.com)

COVID-19 affects us in many ways, one of the ways is by traumatizing people. Here’s an article by
William A. Haseltine Ph.D. published in Psychology Today.

COVID-19 Traumatic Stress Disorder | Psychology Today

The Effects of the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic on PTSD is a no nonsense article from the US Department of Veteran Affairs. Lots of good stuff here.

Effects of the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic on PTSD - PTSD: National Center for PTSD (va.gov)

Feel free to email me about any of these articles. I am happy to talk with you about them.

[email protected]

Episode 36

C-PTSD and Starting Over...Again!

Been Here Done That

March 29, 2022

In this episode I am talking about starting over and I want you to know that it is NOT easy. I am 68 years old and after the crashing and burning of my marriage, I sit here, on the side of a hill in Costa Rica, contemplating the kind of new life I desire. I’m no spring chicken and my body reminds me of this on a daily basis if not an hourly basis. It is now a nightly routine to wake up at 3am needing to go to the bathroom. I don’t know how he does it, but my cat, Don Gato seems to know the exact time when my bladder is full and he wakes me up. Personally, I think he does this because his bladder is full and he cannot go outside without my help. The way I look at it, we have a symbiotic relationship and mutually support each other. This has not been an easy episode to produce, because the topic matter is overwhelming. The thought of selling everything I have and moving back to the US is a big piece of meat to chew on.

Below are a few websites that may be of help to you if you are finding yourself in a position of turning your life upside down and sideways no matter how old you are.

Since I am 70-years-old, these articles are going to be more focused on starting over as a senior, but all of us who find ourselves starting over, regardless of your age, can benefit from the wisdom held within these articles.

I am 72-years-old and this time I began starting over a couple of years ago when I separated from my wife. (Still not divorced...yet!) This article by Noel from the Financial Geek gives solid advice to seniors who are looking at starting over at this stage of life. Starting Over at Age 60? 7 Things You Should Consider (thefinancialgeek.com)

Starting Over at 70? – I'm Not Dead Yet! (josaia.com) is a short read and focuses on motivating those of us in this situation.

This article supports anyone starting over to start with yourself. Examine your needs, your motives and your resources before you bite off more than you can chew. A Simple Guide for Starting Over in Life | by Vishnu*s Virtues | Medium

Since I am in my 70’s here an article just for us. Change seems to get more difficult as we age and people starting over as seniors, have special needs to consider. Starting Over at Age 60? 7 Things You Should Consider (thefinancialgeek.com)