The Biggest Taboo: Incest with Nancy Allen

Explicit content warning

11/03/19 • 51 min

Today Ameé tackles perhaps the most taboo topic in the world throughout history: Incest. Her guest, Nancy Allen – a father-daughter incest survivor, is the founder of Tail of the Bell, an organization that offers coaching and resources to other incest survivors.

Trigger Warning: Nancy speaks very candidly about the abuse she endured at the hands of her father. So, if you have experienced sexual assault, there could be some triggering moments during the interview for you!

The psychological impacts of this particular form of abuse are devastating. When a child is conflicted with trying to understand what their relationship is with an older sibling or parent and then also engaging in sexual acts before their own brains and bodies are ready for it, it leaves wounds that, as Nancy says, you don't just "get over it."

In this episode you will hear:

Nancy's story of abuse by her father
What is the common feeling incest survivors have about themselves?
How she compartmentalized as she grew up
The supportive work environment
Does someone need to admit publicly or even to spouses or friends they were sexually abused as a child in order to “heal” or move on?
Men as incest survivors
What services her organization provides
What Nancy recommends as a first step for someone sitting there with this secret and they have never told anyone or addressed their abuse before

Resources:
https://www.tailofthebell.com/

In this episode you will hear:

Nancy's story of abuse by her father
What is the common feeling incest survivors have about themselves?
How she compartmentalized as she grew up
The supportive work environment
Does someone need to admit publicly or even to spouses or friends they were sexually abused as a child in order to “heal” or move on?
Men as incest survivors
What services her organization provides
What Nancy recommends as a first step for someone sitting there with this secret and they have never told anyone or addressed their abuse before

Resources:
https://www.tailofthebell.com/

Previous Episode

The Psychopaths Among Us with Bill Hirstein

Sometimes, in this world of ours, we encounter madness and monsters. And if we have grown up in environments where our sense of safety and survival has curried us to be ready for danger, well, we end up looking for it – whether we want to or not.

It doesn't mean that we walk around life like we are Lara Croft – armed and ready to take down the bad guys. No, it’s more we are like the girl in the horror movie that everyone is yelling at “No! Don’t run back into the house stupid! What are you doing?!”

Because who’s waiting for us in the house? That’s right. The ax-wielding psychopath.

I know that’s extreme and I’m just trying to be lighthearted but the truth is scary than horror-movie fiction.

There are psychopaths among us in our every day lives. And sometimes, for some of people, they are so close to us its frightening once we know who they really are.

But what is a psychopath? Are they only crazed murderers? Violent criminals? Are they always only the obvious abhorrent members of our society?

Or is the answer even more frightening than that?

So in this episode Ameé speaks with William Hirstein. Bill is both a philosopher and a scientist, having published numerous scientific articles, including works on consciousness and sociopathy. He is the author of several books, including Brain Fiction: Self-Deception and the Riddle of Confabulation (MIT, 2005), and Mindmelding: Consciousness, Neuroscience, and the Mind’s Privacy (Oxford, 2012) and the latest one: Responsible Brains: Neuroscience, Law, and Human Culpability (The MIT Press)

In this episode, you will hear:

What does this concept of psychopathy and sociopathy come from? How did it enter our culture and the field of psychology?
And how is it determined if someone is one?
Does this evaluation have to be performed by a trained professional? What are the legal implications?
What are the core sets of features then of someone with psychopathy?
Why is it important to be able to have label on someone? Does it just help satisfy our curiosity or are there implications from it?
Is a psychopath ever able to take responsibility ever for their actions?

Resources:

http://www.williamhirstein.com/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindmelding/201301/what-is-psychopath-0

Responsible Brains: Neuroscience, Law, and Human Culpability (The MIT Press)

Mindmelding: Consciousness, Neuroscience, and the Mind's Privacy

Brain Fiction: Self-Deception and the Riddle of Confabulation (Philosophical Psychopathology)

Next Episode

Defense Against Micro-Boundary Violations with Lara Currie

On this episode, Ameé speaks with Lara Currie, who is a self-proclaimed communication nerd and author of the book Difficult Happens: How Triggers, Boundaries & Emotions Impact You Every Day to talk about how manipulators break through our defenses in the first place in a way people never seem coming.

In this episode, you will hear:

Lara's expertise in the field of communication
Do we respond differently to a manipulator we deal with at work than a manipulator that may be a spouse or parent or friend?
What is a micro-boundary violation?
What are some of the tactics a manipulator uses?
How do we defend ourselves against them?
Are there tests we can try – phrases, or questions we can ask or responses we should listen for – that we can use to try to identify someone who is a chronic or pathological manipulator?

Resources

https://difficulthappens.com/about/