Ep 22: Lessons From Zorba

Explicit content warning

07/31/17 • 22 min

The Principal, my boss, has a job offer and decides to take it. The question of leadership opens up. While the Board search for a new Head, somebody will act. Most likely not me, though I’m Vice Principal. We’re living through the worst sleepless nights of the ear infection. I can barely get it together to brush my teeth, let alone to take real responsibility. I want to dig deep, to be as capable and strong as before, to prove something for the sake of all women. But for now I am weak.

Your eardrum bursts. No more crying in pain through the night. Within days I’m stronger, better, more capable. I’m aware of the options being explored, of others being considered to lead until a new Principal is in place. But all of a sudden, I suppose thanks to who I was at work before motherhood, they decide it’s me! Thank god I’ve slept.

I sit in the Principal’s office and feel like I’m in a dream. A bit like a kid wearing their parent’s clothes, a tiny bit of imposter syndrome. But mostly I feel taller, lighter, completely capable and utterly relieved to find motherhood hasn’t erased that. I can still do my job. I can step up. Because of the summer pace, I can stay on top of it and shift to part time for some weeks to spend time with you. For this moment, it almost seems I can have it all.

We need a little summer break too. Time is short, work looms. I book four nights in Crete. A perfect holiday, for just you and me.

This production is made by me, Sophie Harper, in partnership with Wondery. Edited by Michelle Webster. I’m supported by generous listeners.

Thanks to my family, my friends and my daughter for being part of the story.

Music from freemusicarchive.org - CC NC License:

Libertad by Iriate and Pesoa and Other Sources by Candlegravity.

Zorba the Greek by Mikis Theodorakis (invoking Fair Use).

Ad music from freemusicarchive.org - CC Commercial License:

Drop of Water in the Ocean by Broke For Free.

I’m now on Patreon. If you’d like join the kind people who are already supporting me to produce each new episode, go to patreon.com/notbyaccident.

Thanks so much to Margaret P. Jones, Kasey Tomkins, Dianne Firth, Anne Staude, Laura Cherry, Bethany White, Paul S Mitchell and Mariele Thadani for your support.

To everyone who’s written to share your stories and to support me in continuing, thank you. I’m very behind with my replies, but want you to know each message means so much.

Go to www.notbyaccident.net to find out more about the series, join the e-newsletter or to get in touch.

We’ll be back with the next installment in about 2 weeks.

We need a little summer break too. Time is short, work looms. I book four nights in Crete. A perfect holiday, for just you and me.

This production is made by me, Sophie Harper, in partnership with Wondery. Edited by Michelle Webster. I’m supported by generous listeners.

Thanks to my family, my friends and my daughter for being part of the story.

Music from freemusicarchive.org - CC NC License:

Libertad by Iriate and Pesoa and Other Sources by Candlegravity.

Zorba the Greek by Mikis Theodorakis (invoking Fair Use).

Ad music from freemusicarchive.org - CC Commercial License:

Drop of Water in the Ocean by Broke For Free.

I’m now on Patreon. If you’d like join the kind people who are already supporting me to produce each new episode, go to patreon.com/notbyaccident.

Thanks so much to Margaret P. Jones, Kasey Tomkins, Dianne Firth, Anne Staude, Laura Cherry, Bethany White, Paul S Mitchell and Mariele Thadani for your support.

To everyone who’s written to share your stories and to support me in continuing, thank you. I’m very behind with my replies, but want you to know each message means so much.

Go to www.notbyaccident.net to find out more about the series, join the e-newsletter or to get in touch.

We’ll be back with the next installment in about 2 weeks.

Previous Episode

Ep 21: My Brother's Wedding

Nick called to tell me the news just before New Year’s, only weeks after we got back to Denmark. He proposed, and she said yes. I’m happy for them, of course, really happy. Nick has found the person he wants to share the rest of his life with! Selfishly I’m filled with dread at the thought of the trip, so I hope it will be a long engagement.

I try to suppress the niggling feelings that weddings bring up in me. The flashing neon sign I feel lighting up over my head at times like this. “Single! Single!” The fact that even if I wasn’t, I couldn’t get married in my home country. People like me, lesbians and gays, are still denied that right. But even if I could, I can’t quite picture it for me. Motherhood has pushed that part of my identity so far away that I can’t even really imagine it.

One Saturday morning, Nick calls, not for a chat. He hesitates, reluctant to say it out loud. Still coming to terms with the news himself. Nozomi is pregnant! My little brother is going to be a Dad. He tells me they want to get married first. They want the wedding to be about the two of them. Nick fears once there’s a baby, they’ll be so consumed that they might not get around to it. They decide on a July wedding. Just a few months from now. It’s the right decision for them, and this is about them.

I’m overwhelmed at the thought of the trip I agonize over the pros and cons. I’m sure we will go. We can’t not go.

But then there’s another issue. One I greatly underestimated. An issue with the authorities and you.

This production is made by me, Sophie Harper, in partnership with Wondery. I’m supported by generous listeners. Editorial input from Michelle Webster.

Music from freemusicarchive.org - CC NC License:

Weathered Home 3:Bird Split Sky and Aalborg Pulse by Candlegravity.

Unison by Bjork used invoking the Fair Use Doctrine.

Ad music from freemusicarchive.org - CC Commercial License:

Drop of Water in the Ocean by Broke For Free.

Thanks to my family, my friends and my daughter for letting me share your stories.

I’m now on Patreon! If you’d like to support the series with a small donation to each new episode, you can do it here: https://www.patreon.com/notbyaccident

Thanks so much to Margaret P. Jones, Kasey Tomkins, Dianne Firth and Anne Staude who have jumped on already!

To everyone who’s written to share your stories and to support me in continuing, thank you. I’m very behind with my replies, but want you to know each message means so much.

Go to www.notbyaccident.net to find out more about the series, join the e-newsletter or to get in touch.

We’ll be back with the next installment in about 2 weeks.

Next Episode

Ep 23: Community

The school year is away like a fast-moving train. In the past I’d have lost myself in the momentum. Not so much this year though. This year I have you to force me to go home, to switch off, to be still, to be present. But the school is about 50 metres from our home. We’re both fixtures. You ride your little bike through vast rooms, all over the building and bash away on the student’s drum kit. It’s an extension of home for us, for all the students, and for all the teachers. That’s how I can be engaged and still be with you. I can’t imagine there’s another film school like it. I can’t imagine there’s a better place to grow up. If only our family were closer.

My Dad has finished the work that was delayed by his cancer treatment. He’s well and he’s free. The first thing he does is book a ticket. You should know this Astrid. Grandpa travelled from Australia to Denmark, all that way, at the first opportunity, just to see you.

This production is made by me, Sophie Harper, in partnership with Wondery. Story editing by Michelle Webster. I’m supported by generous listeners.

Thanks to my family, my friends and my daughter for being part of the story.

Music from freemusicarchive.org - CC NC License:

You Were in my Dreams and Always by Candlegravity, Transpire by Dexter Britain and Something Galactic by Broke For Free.

Ad music from freemusicarchive.org - CC Commercial License:

Drop of Water in the Ocean by Broke For Free.

I’m now on Patreon. If you’d like join the kind people who are already supporting me to produce each new episode, go to patreon.com/notbyaccident.

Thanks so much to Margaret P. Jones, Rebecca Reid, Kasey Tomkins, Dianne Firth, Anne Staude, Bill, Sue Giugni, Maia Bittner, Elizabeth Adcock, Jessica Kindynis, Laura Cherry, Bethany White, Paul S Mitchell and Mariele Thadani for your support.

To everyone who’s written to share your stories and to support me in continuing, thank you. I’m very behind with my replies, but want you to know each message means so much.

Go to www.notbyaccident.net to find out more about the series, join the e-newsletter or to get in touch.

We’ll be back with the next installment in about 2 weeks.