21: Religious Shame and Porn Addiction
08/17/23 • 25 min
Religious shame and porn addiction go hand-in-hand.
Why?
Because they are two sides of the same coin.
We often see addiction as an isolated incident: an issue all its own. We think that if we can just abstain from porn then we’ll eventually lose our desire for it.
We also think, “If I just have enough sex with my wife, then I won’t want porn.”
After nearly a decade of my own recovery, and working with other addicts, I can tell you that both of these lines of reasoning are false.
Why?
Because the underlying reasons for shame (the belief “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t match up”) are the underlying reasons for addiction. Shame leads to addiction.
Pornography addiction is not simply caused by “manly urges”, lust, impulsivity, or being a “pervert”. These have very little to do with the addiction.
Today, we’re going to discuss the root causes of both porn addiction and religious shame, and how we can work through them.
You'll learn how religious shame and porn addiction develop,
Many of us are under the impression that engaging in our addiction causes us to feel religious shame; to feel that God is displeased with us, and that we are unworthy in His eyes. This is not the case. We'll talk about this in today's episode.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
FREE WORKSHOP: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Tools to Conquer Porn Cravings
Intensive Porn Addiction Recovery Program
MORE ARTICLES
The 4 Root Causes of Porn Addiction
How to Help Someone with a Porn Addiction in 3 Steps
8 Rules to Get You 3 Months Sober from Porn
Stop Porn Cravings | 7 Tools to Overcome Fantasizing & Lust Habits
Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction
Religious shame and porn addiction go hand-in-hand.
Why?
Because they are two sides of the same coin.
We often see addiction as an isolated incident: an issue all its own. We think that if we can just abstain from porn then we’ll eventually lose our desire for it.
We also think, “If I just have enough sex with my wife, then I won’t want porn.”
After nearly a decade of my own recovery, and working with other addicts, I can tell you that both of these lines of reasoning are false.
Why?
Because the underlying reasons for shame (the belief “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t match up”) are the underlying reasons for addiction. Shame leads to addiction.
Pornography addiction is not simply caused by “manly urges”, lust, impulsivity, or being a “pervert”. These have very little to do with the addiction.
Today, we’re going to discuss the root causes of both porn addiction and religious shame, and how we can work through them.
You'll learn how religious shame and porn addiction develop,
Many of us are under the impression that engaging in our addiction causes us to feel religious shame; to feel that God is displeased with us, and that we are unworthy in His eyes. This is not the case. We'll talk about this in today's episode.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
FREE WORKSHOP: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Tools to Conquer Porn Cravings
Intensive Porn Addiction Recovery Program
MORE ARTICLES
The 4 Root Causes of Porn Addiction
How to Help Someone with a Porn Addiction in 3 Steps
8 Rules to Get You 3 Months Sober from Porn
Stop Porn Cravings | 7 Tools to Overcome Fantasizing & Lust Habits
Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction
Previous Episode
20: I Relapsed on Porn. What Do I Do Now?
FREE LESSON: Write Your Walk Through Fire Statement
When I was addicted to porn, I often struggled to know how to respond to a relapse. The amount of shame, fear, and anger I felt when I slipped was overwhelming.
I thought that if I relapsed on porn, it meant all of my progress was now down the toilet. I thought, “What reason do I have to stop watching porn now? Afterall, my time clean is zero. So, why not just give in for a while?”
Working with other addicts I sponsor and coach has shown me that I was not the only one who felt this way after I relapsed. People often tell me after a slip that they feel like giving up.
After a full year of sobriety, one addict recently told me after he relapsed, “I’m just having trouble finding my meaning again. I don’t know why I should stay sober. I know I want to, but I just don’t feel the drive to stay clean like I did before.”
I could not tell him how much I understood those feelings. I had been there many times after relapses. The will to go on wanes, as the momentum you previously experienced dies down. Getting it going again is painful. But it can be done.
When you relapse on porn, it is easy to feel like giving up and giving in. I understand that feeling, as it happened to me so many times as an addict.
One of the things I came to find out after years of sobriety is that this mentality of giving up was not exclusive to my porn recovery alone. I practiced this type of hopeless thinking in multiple areas of my life. It was not until I began changing my mindset - from an addiction mindset to a recovery mindset - that I started to experience more success staying clean.
We’ll address these points in this episode. If you’ve relapsed on porn, my prayer is that these teachings will help get you back on track.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
FREE WORKSHOP: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Tools to Conquer Porn Cravings
Intensive Porn Addiction Recovery Program
MORE ARTICLES
The 4 Root Causes of Porn Addiction
How to Help Someone with a Porn Addiction in 3 Steps
8 Rules to Get You 3 Months Sober from Porn
Stop Porn Cravings | 7 Tools to Overcome Fantasizing & Lust Habits
Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction
Next Episode
22: Can People-Pleasing Fuel Porn Addiction?
Can People-Pleasing Fuel Porn Addiction? In today’s episode we talk about what people-pleasing is, where it comes from, and why many addicts struggle with people-pleasing tendencies.
What is People Pleasing?
- The tendency to do things to make others happy while putting your own needs at risk.
- The need to control another person’s emotions and ensure they feel happy.
How Can People Pleasing Cause Porn Addiction?
Pornography addiction has almost ZERO to do with manly urges, sexual cravings, or sexual obsession. Breaking free of porn has little to do with stopping the behavior itself, and far more to do with overcoming the underlying mental, spiritual, relational, and even physical causes of porn addiction.
We seek out porn addiction for a reason. That reason has everything to do with our mental state, i.e. negative feelings of shame, fear, inadequacy, etc. that we are experiencing on a daily basis, and perhaps more importantly our desire to resist and escape from these negative feelings.
People-pleasing is the desire for others to think well of us - we want to do things that impress others or make them see us in a positive light. This can cause us to:
- Focus too much on ourselves (ironically), which fuels addictive behaviors.
- Feel a lot of pressure to do things just right (perfectionism), which can lead us to cope through addiction.
- Neglect our own needs to the extent that we do not do those daily activities that support our recovery.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
FREE WORKSHOP: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn
FREE EBOOK: The 10 Tools to Conquer Porn Cravings
Intensive Porn Addiction Recovery Program
MORE ARTICLES
The 4 Root Causes of Porn Addiction
How to Help Someone with a Porn Addiction in 3 Steps
8 Rules to Get You 3 Months Sober from Porn
Stop Porn Cravings | 7 Tools to Overcome Fantasizing & Lust Habits
Trauma, Attachment, Shame & Porn Addiction
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