Thoughts on Difference & Acceptance

07/08/20 • 25 min

I think this episode is might be especially helpful for the more recently diagnosed ADHDers (or maybe those folx who are just starting to do some work around their feeling about their ADHD or think they may have ADHD).
This week I talk about our feelings about difference and how they can impact the ways we show up for ourselves in our lives. This is something that I’m getting to understand more about myself. We all have ideas about what it means to be different and we might say things like, ‘to be different is great and it means being unique etc...’ but in actuality we grew up witnessing folx being discriminated against, ridiculed, rejected or excluded. This can change how we really think about ourselves after an ADHD diagnosis.

I think all those things impact how we see ourselves and how easy or difficult it is for us to embrace who we are so that we can create a life that works for us. When we struggle to accept these differences, were often still stuck in the hope that we can be fixed and become more like everyone else whose brain is ‘normal.’ Oftentimes it’s about confronting these beliefs so that we can unpack them and redefine what difference can mean for us so that we can be the people that we want to be.

I’m always learning more about my thoughts about being different and trying to find ways to unpack these ideas so that I can decide what I need to let go of, and how I can manage my ADHD in ways that allow me to get what I need and still feel like I can thrive and become the person I see myself being: safe and free in all my differences.

What I thought

Messages about being different
Being different meant rejection
Getting closer to the ideal

What I learned

Needing to be fixed
Radical acceptance
Letting go of the messages

What I did

Journaling
Looking at the ‘shadow sides’ of my ADHD
Looking for patterns in my thinking

Takeaway

Journaling prompts

Connect with me:

On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com

Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57

Support the show

What I thought

Messages about being different
Being different meant rejection
Getting closer to the ideal

What I learned

Needing to be fixed
Radical acceptance
Letting go of the messages

What I did

Journaling
Looking at the ‘shadow sides’ of my ADHD
Looking for patterns in my thinking

Takeaway

Journaling prompts

Connect with me:

On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com

Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57

Support the show

Previous Episode

The Need for Approval

Criticism plays such a huge role in our lives and it impacts so much of how we see ourselves. We’ve been hearing how we mess up, are too much, or not enough for so long that oftentimes when we hear anything critical it automatically becomes something that we take on to mean something about ourselves and our worth. It’s no wonder that to avoid it we end up looking to other people in order to learn how to get approval at all costs. At least that way we have an idea of what it may take in order for us to be deemed enough and maybe we can avoid some of the impact of these tough feelings.

These days I’m really fascinated with how much I’ve let the outside world impact how I think of my inner one and understanding the ways that I’ve let other people dictate how I thought of myself and why I needed to be like everyone else, has been an important part of my journey to unpack. I’m still unpacking it if I’m honest! But for now all I’m doing in this episode is talking a bit more about criticism, thinking more about how society creates conditions for us to stop trusting ourselves so that we end up just trying to be like what everyone wants us to be, and how every criticism seems like it’s a constant reminder of how we just don’t quite get it and we’ll never be good enough.

I talk a little about what I’m doing to try and learn a different way of thinking so that I can try to seek out the approval of one person: me.

What I thought

over criticism in schools (particularly of Black students)
the impact of gender roles in society
self betrayal in order to fit in

What I learned

fear of criticism is real
self hatred from self betrayal??
forever fixing ourselves
stop taking risks
not setting boundaries

What I did

understanding what it means to get self approval
my core values and beliefs
small steps to prove I could trust myself
stop comparing myself to others
giving others permission not to like me
setting small boundaries for myself

Takeaway:

a small, helpful story to think about

Resources:

Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57

Support the show

Next Episode

The Necessity for Self Compassion

This week is on self compassion and self kindness, something that I’ve realised is essential to our growth into becoming the people that we want to be, but we don’t really talk a lot about it. We do tend to talk a lot on how awful it feels to be criticised though, often because we’re ruminating on things and talking crap to ourselves the whole time.
I’m learning that in order to try new things, speak up for ourselves and generally start living the way we need to, we have to start feeling comfortable with making mistakes and doing things differently. In order to feel a lot better about that, how we talk to ourselves and how we receive criticism, because it’s inevitably going to happen, matters. Nothing about change comes easy, and if we’re still talking to ourselves in ways that make us fearful of making mistakes and making them define who we are, then we’re going to keep hidden and staying stuck.

In this episode I talk about how criticism has kept me afraid to make changes for myself, while developing coping mechanisms to avoid criticism as much as possible (which doesn’t actually work for creating a life you want for yourself by the way!). When I started thinking about all the mistakes that I was going to make on this journey, I knew that how I was treating myself, wasn’t going to be a great motivator to being brave and trying new things. It got me thinking about what I really had to do for myself, so my ongoing journey into developing a practice of self compassion began.

What I thought:

Perfectionism
People pleasing
Being Black in white space

What I know now:

Self compassion is made up of three parts
Self compassion is necessary for personal growth

What I learned/ did:

Worthiness
Mindfulness/ meditation
Tracking how I talked to myself
Progressive Language Affirmations
Changing criticisms
Doing small promises of self care
Taking more practice pauses

Takeaway:

Grab my new EBOOK: They Were Wrong About You! Self Compassion with Neurodiversity in Mind’ FREE: https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Resources:

Defining self compassion: www.selfcompassion.org

Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
My website: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com

Support the show

Neurodivergent Narratives Podcast - Thoughts on Difference & Acceptance

Transcript

0:00
When we get a diagnosis of a thing, yeah, great. Now I know exactly what's going on. I can get medication and get a coach, and then I can be fixed. And then I can be more like everyone else. I think that's where a big part of the problems that we have still live, because what tends to happen a lot of people is that six months later, and they're on meds and they're still feeling like crap or a year later or a year and a half later, it's still not quite the way that they think it should be