The Necessity for Self Compassion
07/15/20 • 34 min
This week is on self compassion and self kindness, something that I’ve realised is essential to our growth into becoming the people that we want to be, but we don’t really talk a lot about it. We do tend to talk a lot on how awful it feels to be criticised though, often because we’re ruminating on things and talking crap to ourselves the whole time.
I’m learning that in order to try new things, speak up for ourselves and generally start living the way we need to, we have to start feeling comfortable with making mistakes and doing things differently. In order to feel a lot better about that, how we talk to ourselves and how we receive criticism, because it’s inevitably going to happen, matters. Nothing about change comes easy, and if we’re still talking to ourselves in ways that make us fearful of making mistakes and making them define who we are, then we’re going to keep hidden and staying stuck.
In this episode I talk about how criticism has kept me afraid to make changes for myself, while developing coping mechanisms to avoid criticism as much as possible (which doesn’t actually work for creating a life you want for yourself by the way!). When I started thinking about all the mistakes that I was going to make on this journey, I knew that how I was treating myself, wasn’t going to be a great motivator to being brave and trying new things. It got me thinking about what I really had to do for myself, so my ongoing journey into developing a practice of self compassion began.
What I thought:
- Perfectionism
- People pleasing
- Being Black in white space
What I know now:
- Self compassion is made up of three parts
- Self compassion is necessary for personal growth
What I learned/ did:
- Worthiness
- Mindfulness/ meditation
- Tracking how I talked to myself
- Progressive Language Affirmations
- Changing criticisms
- Doing small promises of self care
- Taking more practice pauses
Takeaway:
Grab my new EBOOK: They Were Wrong About You! Self Compassion with Neurodiversity in Mind’ FREE: https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Resources:
Defining self compassion: www.selfcompassion.org
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
My website: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
This week is on self compassion and self kindness, something that I’ve realised is essential to our growth into becoming the people that we want to be, but we don’t really talk a lot about it. We do tend to talk a lot on how awful it feels to be criticised though, often because we’re ruminating on things and talking crap to ourselves the whole time.
I’m learning that in order to try new things, speak up for ourselves and generally start living the way we need to, we have to start feeling comfortable with making mistakes and doing things differently. In order to feel a lot better about that, how we talk to ourselves and how we receive criticism, because it’s inevitably going to happen, matters. Nothing about change comes easy, and if we’re still talking to ourselves in ways that make us fearful of making mistakes and making them define who we are, then we’re going to keep hidden and staying stuck.
In this episode I talk about how criticism has kept me afraid to make changes for myself, while developing coping mechanisms to avoid criticism as much as possible (which doesn’t actually work for creating a life you want for yourself by the way!). When I started thinking about all the mistakes that I was going to make on this journey, I knew that how I was treating myself, wasn’t going to be a great motivator to being brave and trying new things. It got me thinking about what I really had to do for myself, so my ongoing journey into developing a practice of self compassion began.
What I thought:
- Perfectionism
- People pleasing
- Being Black in white space
What I know now:
- Self compassion is made up of three parts
- Self compassion is necessary for personal growth
What I learned/ did:
- Worthiness
- Mindfulness/ meditation
- Tracking how I talked to myself
- Progressive Language Affirmations
- Changing criticisms
- Doing small promises of self care
- Taking more practice pauses
Takeaway:
Grab my new EBOOK: They Were Wrong About You! Self Compassion with Neurodiversity in Mind’ FREE: https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Resources:
Defining self compassion: www.selfcompassion.org
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
My website: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Previous Episode
Thoughts on Difference & Acceptance
I think this episode is might be especially helpful for the more recently diagnosed ADHDers (or maybe those folx who are just starting to do some work around their feeling about their ADHD or think they may have ADHD).
This week I talk about our feelings about difference and how they can impact the ways we show up for ourselves in our lives. This is something that I’m getting to understand more about myself. We all have ideas about what it means to be different and we might say things like, ‘to be different is great and it means being unique etc...’ but in actuality we grew up witnessing folx being discriminated against, ridiculed, rejected or excluded. This can change how we really think about ourselves after an ADHD diagnosis.
I think all those things impact how we see ourselves and how easy or difficult it is for us to embrace who we are so that we can create a life that works for us. When we struggle to accept these differences, were often still stuck in the hope that we can be fixed and become more like everyone else whose brain is ‘normal.’ Oftentimes it’s about confronting these beliefs so that we can unpack them and redefine what difference can mean for us so that we can be the people that we want to be.
I’m always learning more about my thoughts about being different and trying to find ways to unpack these ideas so that I can decide what I need to let go of, and how I can manage my ADHD in ways that allow me to get what I need and still feel like I can thrive and become the person I see myself being: safe and free in all my differences.
What I thought
- Messages about being different
- Being different meant rejection
- Getting closer to the ideal
What I learned
- Needing to be fixed
- Radical acceptance
- Letting go of the messages
What I did
- Journaling
- Looking at the ‘shadow sides’ of my ADHD
- Looking for patterns in my thinking
Takeaway
- Journaling prompts
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the showNext Episode
Intersectionality 101 & ADHD
This week’s episode is a little different than others I’ve done, but I think it’s still a good one. It’s an introduction to intersectionality because I think that it’s important to understand when we’re talking about our unique experiences with ADHD. Quite often ADHD symptoms and presentations don’t consider the intersecting identities that determine what oppressions our ADHD brains must manage and how it affects us because of them. With ADHD being so impacted by the environment around us, how can we not talk about this from a lens of intersectionality?
This episode loosely defines intersectionality through stories and examples of what it is and why it matters, mostly through my own ADHD stories, but also through some of the oppressions and challenges other marginalised groups might face as well. Although this episode doesn’t give actionable tips per say, it should help you understand why advocacy of any sort needs to be from an intersectional lens. Without it, we can’t accurately analyze the problems particular groups face, and thus can’t produce solutions that accurately meet their needs.
I also have a bit of a rant about the ADHD industry, the need for intersectionality when advocating, and my thoughts on gender diversity being absent from a lot of the ADHD conversation.
Key points in the episode
- Definition of intersectionality
- Intersectionality and power
- The importance of lived experiences
- ADHD Industry & Coaching
- Advocacy - good and bad
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my free EBOOK on self compassion: They Were Wrong About You https://bit.ly/2Zv455h
Support the showNeurodivergent Narratives Podcast - The Necessity for Self Compassion
Transcript
For our brains, all of that negativity and criticism isn't really motivating at all. And actually, it's the stuff that keeps us stuck and keeps us hidden and keeps us afraid to be who we are or to ask for the things that we need so that we can function at our best thing is that negativity for our brains does not mean motivating.
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