On Learning to Pause
06/23/20 • 28 min
Pausing is one of those things I didn’t realise was such a big deal until I was diagnosed and realised it was one of those things people knew what to do. Yes, I’ve experienced a lot of great stuff in the past because of my undiagnosed ADHD due to my impulsivity, but I’ve also messed up a fair bit too because of my inability to always pause. This has impacted all areas of my life and it’s not something that has been easy for me to develop (it’s still not). It feels like a skill I’ve had to learn how to implement into my life and it’s not easy (nor have I become an expert in it!) But this episode talks about some ways I’ve tried to practice developing it and what’s been working for me.
What I believed:
- Lack of control in my life
- Lack of willpower
- Everything needed to fall apart
What I know now:
- Medication helps
- Meditation as training (and helping for mindfulness too)
- Go to phrases to stop making yes your go to answer
- Finding ways that work for you
What I did:
- Changing the way I saw myself
- Pausing takes practice
- Set alarms, reminders and visuals (to help with practicing)
- Brought back to my breath
What you can do too:
- When do you pause in your life? (Collect evidence)
- How can you add practicing more pauses in your life?
- Using reminders
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Pausing is one of those things I didn’t realise was such a big deal until I was diagnosed and realised it was one of those things people knew what to do. Yes, I’ve experienced a lot of great stuff in the past because of my undiagnosed ADHD due to my impulsivity, but I’ve also messed up a fair bit too because of my inability to always pause. This has impacted all areas of my life and it’s not something that has been easy for me to develop (it’s still not). It feels like a skill I’ve had to learn how to implement into my life and it’s not easy (nor have I become an expert in it!) But this episode talks about some ways I’ve tried to practice developing it and what’s been working for me.
What I believed:
- Lack of control in my life
- Lack of willpower
- Everything needed to fall apart
What I know now:
- Medication helps
- Meditation as training (and helping for mindfulness too)
- Go to phrases to stop making yes your go to answer
- Finding ways that work for you
What I did:
- Changing the way I saw myself
- Pausing takes practice
- Set alarms, reminders and visuals (to help with practicing)
- Brought back to my breath
What you can do too:
- When do you pause in your life? (Collect evidence)
- How can you add practicing more pauses in your life?
- Using reminders
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Previous Episode
Changing What I Make Things Mean
We put meanings on everything, especially with our ADHD brains that go straight to avoiding and protecting ourselves when it comes to any criticisms. Our whole lives have been about being told all that we can’t do, or be. We’re sensitive creatures who typically tend to think we’re always wrong so to protect ourselves we try really hard to make sure we’re OK with people. But our sensitivity can make any comment mean either we were great or we weren’t. That’s a lot of power to give away to someone else in how we see ourselves! In this episode I talk about some stories of what I make things mean with people, why I feel we’re doing this (a lot!) and how I’m learning to clarify the real meaning when I feel like I might have connected what happened to making an inaccurate story in my head.
What I Thought:
- Feelings were facts
- I responded to feelings as if they were the facts
What I Learned:
- Breathe through triggers that come up
- Sit with the feelings to get a sense of the thinking behind them
How I Shared:
‘I felt very x when this happened. I made it mean y (because...connection to my past experience). Can you help me see what this was about for you?
Resources:
Please support the podcast on my patreon page
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Next Episode
The Need for Approval
Criticism plays such a huge role in our lives and it impacts so much of how we see ourselves. We’ve been hearing how we mess up, are too much, or not enough for so long that oftentimes when we hear anything critical it automatically becomes something that we take on to mean something about ourselves and our worth. It’s no wonder that to avoid it we end up looking to other people in order to learn how to get approval at all costs. At least that way we have an idea of what it may take in order for us to be deemed enough and maybe we can avoid some of the impact of these tough feelings.
These days I’m really fascinated with how much I’ve let the outside world impact how I think of my inner one and understanding the ways that I’ve let other people dictate how I thought of myself and why I needed to be like everyone else, has been an important part of my journey to unpack. I’m still unpacking it if I’m honest! But for now all I’m doing in this episode is talking a bit more about criticism, thinking more about how society creates conditions for us to stop trusting ourselves so that we end up just trying to be like what everyone wants us to be, and how every criticism seems like it’s a constant reminder of how we just don’t quite get it and we’ll never be good enough.
I talk a little about what I’m doing to try and learn a different way of thinking so that I can try to seek out the approval of one person: me.
What I thought
- over criticism in schools (particularly of Black students)
- the impact of gender roles in society
- self betrayal in order to fit in
What I learned
- fear of criticism is real
- self hatred from self betrayal??
- forever fixing ourselves
- stop taking risks
- not setting boundaries
What I did
- understanding what it means to get self approval
- my core values and beliefs
- small steps to prove I could trust myself
- stop comparing myself to others
- giving others permission not to like me
- setting small boundaries for myself
Takeaway:
- a small, helpful story to think about
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Neurodivergent Narratives Podcast - On Learning to Pause
Transcript
Having a pause is about just getting back to your moment. And then just stopping and just being in that space in that time.
0:11
Hey there, you're listening to the ADHD good life podcast. Each week we explore stories, ideas or topics around neurodiversity, an intersectional lens, and the personal growth strategies we found most helpful in transforming our lives. I'm your host, Sandra. I'm a wife mother, writer, coach, and educational specialist. I'm also a black cisgender woman, t
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