Issues with Self Trust
06/09/20 • 30 min
I think we grow up learning not to trust ourselves, ignoring what we feel is right for us because of all the ways we’re told by the people closest to us and the rest of society what we need to learn to change and correct. The criticism feels like so much and it’s so hard to navigate with our emotions, so we learn to stop listening to ourselves and do what others want in the hopes that they will befriend us, help show us that we can be better. We think that others may be able to guide us to be better. We’ve been wrong so often, we can’t trust that we know what’s right for us anymore. All the criticism around us teaches us that we can’t trust ourselves to do things without others’ help. This episode explores how this looks like for me with a few stories and the one thing that I’m doing to help develop my self trust and why this works.
What I knew:
- Not listening to my intuition
- Not remembering the lessons learned in past mistakes
- Constant criticism
- Listening to everyone else around me and not myself
- Feeling feel so intense,
The problems with self trust I experience:
- Control
- Perfectionism
- Oversensitive to criticism
- People pleasing
Takeaway tip:
- One Small Self Care Promise (ex: write 3 things you’re grateful for, drink a glass of water first thing, make your bed, stretch, do 10 push ups first thing)
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter: @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the showI think we grow up learning not to trust ourselves, ignoring what we feel is right for us because of all the ways we’re told by the people closest to us and the rest of society what we need to learn to change and correct. The criticism feels like so much and it’s so hard to navigate with our emotions, so we learn to stop listening to ourselves and do what others want in the hopes that they will befriend us, help show us that we can be better. We think that others may be able to guide us to be better. We’ve been wrong so often, we can’t trust that we know what’s right for us anymore. All the criticism around us teaches us that we can’t trust ourselves to do things without others’ help. This episode explores how this looks like for me with a few stories and the one thing that I’m doing to help develop my self trust and why this works.
What I knew:
- Not listening to my intuition
- Not remembering the lessons learned in past mistakes
- Constant criticism
- Listening to everyone else around me and not myself
- Feeling feel so intense,
The problems with self trust I experience:
- Control
- Perfectionism
- Oversensitive to criticism
- People pleasing
Takeaway tip:
- One Small Self Care Promise (ex: write 3 things you’re grateful for, drink a glass of water first thing, make your bed, stretch, do 10 push ups first thing)
Resources:
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
On Twitter: @theadhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the show
Previous Episode
Observing Emotions
I wasn’t one for sitting with emotions. My life tends to go so fast that this was a practice that I couldn’t see the benefit in. I was pretty wrong about that. Being able to listen to my emotions and see how they come up for me in my body has been life changing in many ways. Understanding what triggers me, while noting the feelings and reactions that come up, has given me a lot more power to choose how I want to respond. This has been a good first step for me in learning to listen to my body, as I’ve discovered patterns and develop more trust. In doing that I know that when I’m willing to feel any emotion, there’s so much more I could do in the future.
What I did:
- Change state when I need to
- Breathe through it
- Label it
- Describe it in detail
- Write it down (when I’m looking for patterns)
Takeaway Tip
- Try labelling your thoughts and feelings throughout the day.
- Set multiple alarms remember to pause as you are
- Notice whether you’re having a thought or feeling
- Simply say ‘thought’ or ‘feeling’ without judgement
Connect with me:
On IG: @theadhdgoodlife
On FB: The ADHD Good Life
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Support the showNext Episode
Changing What I Make Things Mean
We put meanings on everything, especially with our ADHD brains that go straight to avoiding and protecting ourselves when it comes to any criticisms. Our whole lives have been about being told all that we can’t do, or be. We’re sensitive creatures who typically tend to think we’re always wrong so to protect ourselves we try really hard to make sure we’re OK with people. But our sensitivity can make any comment mean either we were great or we weren’t. That’s a lot of power to give away to someone else in how we see ourselves! In this episode I talk about some stories of what I make things mean with people, why I feel we’re doing this (a lot!) and how I’m learning to clarify the real meaning when I feel like I might have connected what happened to making an inaccurate story in my head.
What I Thought:
- Feelings were facts
- I responded to feelings as if they were the facts
What I Learned:
- Breathe through triggers that come up
- Sit with the feelings to get a sense of the thinking behind them
How I Shared:
‘I felt very x when this happened. I made it mean y (because...connection to my past experience). Can you help me see what this was about for you?
Resources:
Please support the podcast on my patreon page
Connect with me:
On IG @theadhdgoodlife
On FB @adhdgoodlife
Site: www.wellnessandwhiteboards.com
Click for my ‘Building Self Worth’ freebie: https://bit.ly/35zfy57
Neurodivergent Narratives Podcast - Issues with Self Trust
Transcript
You control what we can't trust. You can't love and control at the same time.
0:07
Hey there, you're listening to the ADHD good life podcast. Each week we explore stories, ideas or topics around neurodiversity, an intersectional lens, and the personal growth strategies we found most helpful in transforming our lives. I'm your host Sandra. I'm a wife mother, writer, coach, and educational specialist. I'm also a black cisgender woman, transracial adoptee and fellow neurodiversity af
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