Ep 81: A Love Letter to Honor Edd Conboy

03/23/21 • 8 min

In loving memory of Edd Conboy, who through the gift of reflection helped me see myself so that I may also see others.

I’m honored to bring you this special bite-sized reflection from my own E.P.I.C. Life as a bonus to Season Five.

The show has been on a pause between seasons and will begin again in May, in time for Mother’s Day. Until then, I invite you to catch up on episodes that you’ve missed, including the Season Five finale with my mentor and former colleague, Leslie Medine. The finale was dedicated to Edd Conboy, a special person who was a coach to both of us and led us for years through a process called Adult Reflection. Edd suffered from a stroke and passed away on March 20, 2020. In my conversation with Leslie, I committed to writing and recording a love letter to Edd and sharing it on the podcast. It was therapeutic to write the letter, share it with others from my Reflection Circle grieving Edd’s loss, and to record it for you. Thank you for listening and witnessing. I hope learning about Edd’s impact will touch you and inspire you to think about someone in your life who you’d like to honor.

Dear Edd,

As I write this, I hope that you know how loved you are. How much you are missed. And how much you have made an everlasting impact on me and so many of us.

It’s hard to believe it has been a year since you died. You slipped into a coma, just as the world was slipping into what has felt like an alternate reality. In December, I interviewed Leslie for the podcast and held space for the ways that you impacted her.

In perfect synchronicity, before I released that episode, I found an email that you wrote at the same time of year, the winter solstice 15 years ago, on the darkest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. Your words reminded me that the light we so often seek, especially in our darkest days, resides within ourselves. Which was so fitting, because one of your greatest gifts was to create reflective space, get curious and ask a powerful, illuminating question that would help me, Leslie and so many others find our answers within.

As we reach this anniversary of your death, we are reemerging in many ways. We are also approaching another seasonal milestone, the spring equinox, which miraculously occurs this year today, on March 20th, the anniversary of your passing. Therefore, this moment that we remember and honor you, as I record this to bright sunshine and spring flowers blooming, is the moment that represents the balance of light, of new beginnings, a festival of awakening, and rebirth.

I’ve been wondering what messages you have for us Edd. What are you trying to tell us about darkness and light? About seasons? About the power of pause and reflection? About moving from darkness to light. And seeing again in new ways.

These were the words you shared in that email at the winter solstice:

“For the last few months I have had the great good fortune to be surrounded by some extraordinary young people (some of them are on this list!).

Gradually, they are infusing me with hope, and even a little faith. Being with them has brought me to realize just how much I am dependent on them to make meaning of my life long after I am gone. I am aware more keenly than ever that this moment I call a lifetime is all I have right now. And that awareness is unimaginably liberating – a healing gift that lightens the load when I can stay in that awareness. I hope within this expansive moment, we all have many more little moments to share, moments like glass beads for all of us to string together.”

I thought about these glass beads that you speak of...and realized they are a metaphor for what you created in our lifetime with you. You brought us clarity, you brought us connection, you instilled in us the realization that we can be and bring our fullest selves to one another, that we can love and be loved for who we are and who we are becoming.

In your presence, I learned to hold tension, to examine thoughts and feelings, even when they're uncomfortable, so that I could see and understand myself in new ways. With your coaching, I learned that when things feel the most overwhelming, it’s because I’m holding too much or trying to hold too much by myself, and that so much more is possible when I welcome others in. You helped us realize that alone we are but single glass beads, but that we can create something of beauty and value when we come together.

Edd, I wonder if your spirit is aware somehow of the legacy you have left us. If you know that you brought us together again, some of us who had not been in regular communication with one another for over a decade. After your passing, we met on zoom every first Sunday for the entire last year, a challenging year filled with wildfires, sheltering in place, racial reckonings, and one of the most his...

In loving memory of Edd Conboy, who through the gift of reflection helped me see myself so that I may also see others.

I’m honored to bring you this special bite-sized reflection from my own E.P.I.C. Life as a bonus to Season Five.

Dear Edd,

As I write this, I hope that you know how loved you are. How much you are missed. And how much you have made an everlasting impact on me and so many of us.

These were the words you shared in that email at the winter solstice:

“For the last few months I have had the great good fortune to be surrounded by some extraordinary young people (some of them are on this list!).

Previous Episode

Ep 80: Being Seen and The Power of Reflection with Leslie Medine in honor of our Great Coach Edd Conboy

I’m honored to share this special finale interview of Season Five of the Mother’s Quest Podcast. Each season, I invite one person from my inner circle to interview for the finale. And this time, I knew exactly who I wanted to be in conversation with...a mentor and coach who has had a tremendous impact on the person and parent I am today, Leslie Medine.

I’m releasing this episode on December 21st, 2020, on the winter solstice, the darkest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, in honor of a great coach Leslie and I had in common, Edd Conboy, who passed away in March of this year. In perfect synchronicity, before I recorded the interview, I found an email from Edd written at the solstice 15 years ago, that reminded me that the light we so often seek, especially in our darkest days, resides within ourselves. It’s fitting, because one of Edd’s greatest gifts was to create reflective space, get curious and ask a powerful, illuminating question that would help me, Leslie and so many others find our answers within. Leslie and I met and worked alongside one another for a decade at a youth organization she founded in Alameda, CA called Alternatives in Action, referred to at the time as the Home Project. It was there that I also came to know and love Edd, as he led us through a practice the staff would do weekly on Fridays that we called Reflection. Known locally and nationally as an expert in youth development, leadership and empowerment, Leslie created the Home Project and countless other organizations from the ground up in her 50 years of work in the world. She ventured into the education field at the age of 16 as a founding member of the first experimental public high school in New York State. Since 1975, Leslie founded eight schools in the San Francisco Bay Area serving infants through high school students within both the private and public sectors in addition to a Teacher’s College. In February of 2019, she retired as Executive Director of On The Move, an organization focused on the next generation of emerging leaders throughout California, culminating that chapter of her career through writing and performing an incredibly powerful one-woman show for her community called “To be Continued.” I hadn’t connected very much with Leslie since seeing her at her show, until I received an email, just as we were preparing to shelter in place last March, informing me that Edd had suffered a massive stroke and was in a coma. A week later, he passed away. But the group of us who had come together via Zoom in honor of Edd, in the midst of the pandemic, began to meet virtually the first Sunday of each month, continuing to share stories about Edd and his impact, and keeping his legacy alive through our reflective practice. We have been meeting ever since. One of those in our group is Dr. Amanda Kruger Hill, a youth alum of the Home Project, and now the Executive Director of the Cowen Institute and a Professor at Tulane University, who brings us this episode’s dedication. In the dedication, Amanda shares beautifully the impact that Leslie has had in her life and frames the themes of the conversation to come. As Leslie and I discuss, “to do great work in the world, you must be known and know others.” I’m so grateful to know Amanda, to know Leslie and the principles, practices and stories that she weaves together in this episode, and to know Edd, who continues to light the way for us, and remind us how to strive for greatness, even now. A final note about this episode. You’ll notice it’s longer than my usual ones and I also hope you’ll find tremendous value in listening. I decided there was no part I wanted to cut and also that I wanted to give you the opportunity to listen to it in its entirety, rather than releasing in two parts. So, if you have more time, find a cozy spot and a cup of tea and settle in. Or if you are more limited in your time, listen for some while, and then press pause and come back when you’re ready. Make sure not to listen with your little ones present as there is some colorful language. Seize the time and space for yourself. And let the light in.

Much appreciation, P.S. Know someone who would love this conversation? Pay this forward to a friend who may be interested.

This Episode is Dedicated by: Dr. Amanda Kruger Hill

Dr. Amanda Kruger Hill is an award-winning educational leader with a deep commitment to young people’s growth and development. She is the Executive Director of the Cowen Institute and a Professor at Tulane University. Dr. Amanda was a design team member for BASE, the first youth-initiated high school in the United States, the Reach Institute for School Leadership, and New Harmony High, an award-winning XQ Super School. She is a former high school teacher and principal. Prior to leading the Cowen Institute, she was Director of School Reviews with New Schools for New Orleans (NSNO). Dr. Amanda holds her Master’s in Educational Leadership, Principal Licensure, ...

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Ep 82: Honoring Black Mothers: A Special Mother's Day Episode with Anna Malaika Tubbs, Author of The Three Mothers

Welcome to Season Six of the Mother’s Quest Podcast and this special Mother’s Day episode, which shines a light on the untold stories and far-reaching impact of mothers and in particular Black mothers. For this episode, I had the honor of talking with Anna Malaika Tubbs, the brilliant biographer of the groundbreaking book The Three Mothers: How the Mothers of Martin Luther King, Jr, Malcolm X, and James Baldwin Shaped a Nation.In addition to being a mother to a 1 year old boy with another child on the way, Anna is an author, advocate, educator, scholar and Ph.D. candidate in Sociology at the University of Cambridge. Growing up abroad and influenced by her exposure to all kinds of cultures and beliefs, and by her own mother’s work advocating internationally for women’s and children’s rights, Anna uses an intersectional lens to advocate for women of color and to educate others.

During her time as an undergraduate student at Stanford University, Anna took from what she’d seen in her parents’ work and began honing her own identity as an activist. As the First Partner of Stockton, CA, she co-authored the first-ever “Report on the Status of Women in Stockton” to guide future policy decisions with the experiences of diverse women in mind. She’s published articles featured in the Huffington Post, For Harriet, Darling Magazine and Blavity, on issues ranging from mass incarceration to the forced sterilization of Black women, as well as the importance of feminism, intersectionality, and inclusivity. Throughout all her work and writing, she draws on her personal experience and extensive research to examine and make relevant gender and race issues in the US, especially the pervasive erasure of Black women.

In this incredible debut book, The Three Mothers, Anna celebrates Black motherhood by telling the story of the three women who raised and shaped some of America’s most pivotal civil rights heroes: Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and James Baldwin. Alberta King, Louise Little and Berdis Baldwin were all born at the beginning of the 20th century, all were forced to contend with the prejudices of Jim Crow as Black women, all forged their own unique paths, using their beliefs and talents to shape not only their children but those around them, and all three had to bury their children, two of them after losing their sons to gun violence. In these mothers and their stories, amidst the pain and grief, there also existed vibrancy, love and conviction. One of my biggest takeaways from my conversation with Anna is the importance of acknowledging the continued injustices that Black women endure today and that although Black women continue to experience tremendous grief, they also experience joy and they are not “a conquered victim," but are living through life as whole human beings. My Mother’s Day wish is that you will find time and space to slow down and truly listen to Anna’s insights about the mothers whose stories she so beautifully tells, that you will get and read her book The Three Mothers, and that you’ll join me in saying “yes” to Anna’s challenge. She asks that all of us advance our understanding of different forms of motherhood. Picking up books she says, especially those that focus on Black mothers and Black motherhood, can bring healing for everybody.

Much appreciation,

P.S. Know someone who would love this conversation? Pay this forward to a friend who may be interested.

This Episode is Dedicated by: Sybrina Fulton

After the death of her beloved son, Trayvon Benjamin Martin, in February 2012, Sybrina Fulton was charged with a new mission. A desire to transform family tragedy into social change allowed her to establish the Trayvon Martin Foundation in March 2012.

As Fulton traverses the globe, she passionately embarks on a journey designed to bring awareness to senseless gun violence and serves as an advocate to families, the catalyst for her dream project, the “Circle of Mothers.” Winning the national support of president-elect Hillary Clinton, Fulton rallied to the forefront in 2016 at the Democratic National Convention with a cadre of African American trailblazing women known as “Mothers of the Movement.” The women, connected by tragedy, are the inspiration behind “Black Lives Matter.”

In 2017, Fulton co-authored her first book, Rest in Power, The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin, a memoir recounting the death of her son, and the subject of a six-part docuseries, Rest in Power: The Trayvon Martin Story, produced by hip-hop mogul Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter for Paramount Network and BET (July 2018).

Bestowed with many distinguished awards, Sybrina Fulton has represented the United States at the United Nations in Geneva, Switzerland, to discuss racial discrimination; the National Urban League, Black Lives Matter, Rainbow PUSH Coalition, The Triumph Awards (2016), Essence Festival & Conference (2017, 2018), and was selected as the...