Mindset Zone

Last week I spoke about the Art of Repurposing and a new perspective from the Icarus Myth I learned from one of my favorite authors: Seth Godin.

During that episode I said:

If we want to succeed, we may fail many times.

Now, I want to correct myself:

If we want to succeed, we must fail many times.

We must build a strong failure resilience if we want success.

It took me a long time to internalize this maximum, and I have to admit it’s not always comfortable to follow.

Two resources that help me build my failure resilience are:

ONE-

An interview with Sarah Blakely, the founder of Spanx and self-made billionaire, where she tells how her father used to ask every night at the dinning room table:
“Okay kids, what did you fail at today?”

This is a 3-minute video that is really worth your time.
Blakely's story is an amazing example of how to reframe failure.

See the video below and ask yourself:

– “What did I fail at today?”

TWO-

The other resources is a book titled:
Go for No! Yes is the Destination, No is How You Get There

The author Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz create a compelling story to show us how our image of a fork in the road where one option is failure and the other option is success, is a misleading one. A better and more realistic visualization is to see failures are the stepping stones to success.

What are you waiting for:

Just take the risk, do it, fail, learn and try again.

Repeat this, as many time as you need, to succeed.

One of my favorite books is Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search For Meaning.”

It’s a powerful book, divided into two parts.

Part One is an account of Frankl’s experiences as a prisoner in several concentration camps during the Second World War. His recollections are sad, moving, and inspiring.

One of my favorite passages:

“... any attempt to restore a man’s inner strength in the camp has first to succeed in showing him some future goal. Nietzsche’s words, “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how,”...Whenever there was an opportunity for it, one had to give them a why–an aim–for their lives, in order to strengthen them to bear the terrible how of their existence. ”

[Tweet “He who has a why to live for, can bear with almost any how –Nietzsche”]

Part Two – Frankl summarizes his therapeutic model, Logotherapy – meaning-centered psychotherapy.

In his words:

“Let me explain why I have employed the term “Logotherapy” as the name for my theory. Logos is a Greek word which denotes “meaning.” Logotherapy... focuses on the meaning of human existence as well as on man’s search for such a meaning. According to logotherapy, this striving to find meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man.”

[Tweet “Striving to find meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man –Frankl”]

Following with his words:

“Thus it can be seen that mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what ones should become.”

I hope these excerpts, and this podcast episode, stirs your curiosity to read this book, and learn more about this great man – Viktor Frankl.

Listen to this recording of a lecture he gave at a conference in Toronto: https://youtu.be/fD1512_XJEw

So, what does this imply for Self-Employed Professionals?

Let’s start with what Frankl learned from his experiences:

“This striving to find meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man.“

This is important for psychotherapy, personal growth, and for Self-Employed Professionals.

In order for Self-Employed Professionals to be resilient and overcome the challenges on the road to a successful business –that really makes a difference– they must connect with their WHY.

Another quote from Frankl:

“...mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become.”

Life and Business Coaching aims to close this gap. Coaches strive to support their clients to go from where they are now to where they want to be. This is also crucial to keep in mind for our own businesses – the gap between where one is, and where one wants to be.

From the video and paraphrasing some of Frankl's ideas:

ONE:

“They wish to make a lot of money... Really? Only 16% said their goal or concern was to make lots of money.”
“78% were concern to find meaning and purpose in their lives.”

Is this the same goal for most Self-Employed Professionals who want to make a difference?

TWO:

The powerful metaphor of his flying lessons.

He explains that if we start in point A to get to point B – on a horizontal line – because of the crosswinds, we will drift and land below point B – below our initial goal.

However, if we aim to land above point B – higher than we think we should go – and we fly as if we were heading above point B, it's more likely that we reach our initial goal (point B).

Think how important this is for any Self-employed Professional.

THREE:

“If we take man as he is, we make him worse, but if we take man as he should be, we make him capable of becoming what he could be.” – Goethe (1749 – 1832)

This should be the motto for ourselves, for those we serve, and for our own businesses.

Think about the possibilities.

The secret of success for self-employed professionals is developing a growth mindset.

What does that mean?

Let me define the opposite – fixed mindset.

In a fixed mindset, we believe our basic qualities, such as intelligence or talents are set. We believe that we were born with certain talents that determine who we are and what we can achieve in our lives.

In a growth mindset, we believe that through dedication and hard work we can develop our talents and skills sets. We are open to learning and more resilient.

For instance, many of us believe that we are born with a fixed artistic talent. We believe that some people are born with that ability and other don't have that gift.

Our minds are blown away when we see some people grab a pencil and sketch beautiful images that inspire and amaze us.

However, our minds can be blown away even more, when we discover that we can also learn to draw well.

I know it's hard to believe, but just visit this website – http://drawright.com/gallery.htm – and see the before and after drawings collected from 5-day intensive drawing classes that follow the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain method.

How this applies to self-employed professionals?

Many of us are very open to learning. We even consider ourselves life long learners.

So, we have a growth mindset in many areas of our lives.

Yet, we also carry some fixed mindsets in other areas that can prevent us from being successful in our businesses.

For instance, think about sales.

Very few service professionals see themselves with a gift for sales, and they believe that they will never be good sales people.

Yet, if we challenge this belief as a fixed mindset and embrace a growth mindset, we can learn how to become more successful and helping more people as we sell our services.

Remember:

Mindsets are beliefs—beliefs about ourselves and our most basic qualities.

If we believe that our qualities are fixed, they will remain unchanged.

If we believe that our abilities can be changed and improved, we will increase our potential exponentially.

Yes, we have to have dedication, focus, and effort.

With passionate practice and learning, we can achieve our goals.

[Tweet “With passionate practice and learning, we can achieve our goals”]

And, these concepts are backed-up by many research studies.

If you want to learn more, read the book Mindset.

The author, Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist, describes decades of research on why people succeed or fail, and how the fixed and growth mindsets play a role in this process.

Other links referenced in the podcast:

How to change from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset (UPDATE 2019: the site mindsetonline.com no longer exists)

To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others by Daniel H. Pink

Book Yourself Solid® ... Even if You Hate Marketing and Selling by Michael Port

Most people agree how important it is to be grateful.

Research in Psychology also supports the power of gratitude.

In her book–The How of Happiness–Sonja Lyubomirsky, dedicates a full chapter to this topic.

She uses a definition from a world’s leading expert on gratitude–Robert Emmons:

Gratitude is “a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life.”

[Tweet “Gratitude is a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life. – R. Emmons”]

In her book, she shares the multiple benefits that Positive Psychology Research supports.

To practice and express gratitude to yourself and others:

– Promotes the savoring of positive life experiences

– Boosts self-esteem

– Helps cope with stress

– Inspires kind and caring behavior

– Helps build social bonds, and strengthen relationships

– Counteracts the effects of negative emotions

How does this apply to Self-Employed Professionals?

Most Self-Employed Professionals who want to make a difference in others lives recognize the power of gratitude.

Yet, many don't know how to cultivate this as an habit in their daily lives.

As we refer to in Episode 8 of this podcast, it’s easier to focus on the negative emotions–they are strong and designed to capture our attention.

While we are stuck on a negative reactivity cycle it’s difficult to be grateful.

I suggest that you try the following simple exercise as suggested in the book The How of Happiness:

1. Start by picking a specific time to do this exercise (before going to bed works great for me, some people love to do this first thing in the morning)

2. Think about 3 to 5 things for which you are grateful. Be specific, and focus on unique experiences that happened recently. They can be mundane happenings – for instance, “I enjoy the smell and taste of the coffee this morning.”, ”It was nice to receive that email thanking me for...”). Or they can be extraordinary – for instance, “I was there when my child gave her first step by herself.”, “So happy to see my niece graduate from high school.”

3. Write these 3 to 5 items in your journal or even as a note in your calendar

4. Do this activity for a week and experience the effects. Maybe you will be positively surprised with some of the results of this practice.

5. After the first week, adapt this activity as seems fit for you. Some people decide just to write one thing they are grateful for on their calendar. Others journal about experiences they are grateful for once a week. Others, continue to write 3 to 5 things a day.

Whatever works for you. And read The How of Happiness book if you are looking for more ideas on how to cultivate positivity in your live.

Love to hear you comments and learn about your experiences.

Not long ago, I read a book entitled:

So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love

The author, Cal Newport, argues that “follow your passion” is bad advice.

So often, we hear this advice “follow your passion”, that we don't question its validity.

What I love about Cal Newport’s book is that it’s truly thought provoking, and questions that assumption that so many people have that “follow your passion” is the most effective way to find the work we love.

It’s easy to find examples of people who took this advice to heart.

They left their paying jobs, followed their passion, and started their own businesses.

However, a great number of these people failed in their small business adventures.

Many wonder what they have done wrong.

They followed their passion.

They tried hard, but... What was missing?

Probably many ingredients.

For instance:

– Lack of business skills (in this case the Book Yourself Solid® System can be a life saver.)

– Lack of time and finances to keep going during the start-up stages of the business.

– The belief that ”follow your passion” is the secret ingredient to love every minute of your work.

Let’s focus for a moment on this quote from the book:

“If you want to love what you do, abandon the passion mindset (“what can the world offer me?”) And instead adopt the craftsman mindset (“what can I offer the world?”).”
– Cal Newport

This quote reminds me of what I spoke about in Episode 4 of this podcast:

The Growth Mindset versus the Fixed Mindset.

The craftsman mindset is totally in line with the growth mindset – this is why I find it so appealing.

If you read the book “So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love” you soon realize that the focus is on career advice, yet there are clear applications for any self-employed professional.

It opens new possibilities to combine Cal’s ideas with the Book Yourself Solid® System perspective.

For instance:

1- Start by defining your ideal clients. Those people who energize and inspire you. This is easier and more effective than to begin by defining your passion.

2- Define a specific interest and target your market. Aim to make your services remarkable, so people remark about it to others. An ideal target market has communication networks in place that will spread your services' remarkability.

3- It’s important to articulate your why and what you stand for. This is the core of your personal brand. As Michael Port, Book Yourself Solid®’s author, reminds us, ‘Rome wasn't build in a day,’ nor are most personal brands. As a self-employed professional, patience is one of your most important skills.

4- Work to be an expert in a specific field and become recognized. However, before you go all out, be sure to check that people will pay for your expertise. If so, create a deliberate practice to improve your skills, and become “So Good They Can't Ignore You.” You are then in a position to leverage your services to build the lifestyle you desire. Be realistic—don’t expect to love every minute of your work.

Moreover, as Michael Port always tells us, “to succeed in business you have to learn to be comfortable with discomfort.”

[Tweet “”To succeed in business you have to learn to be comfortable with discomfort.” Michael Port”]

Or using Cal’s words:

This is what you should experience in your own pursuit of “good.” If you’re not uncomfortable, then you’re probably stuck at an “acceptable level.”

And you will probably never become “So Good They Can't Ignore You.”