Escaping The Judgement Circle - Ep. 140
06/22/15 • 11 min
Follow me for a minute...
- Every once in a while, you may look at someone else and think “wow, they are messed up.”
- Every once in a while, someone may look at you and think “Wow, they are messed up."
- Every once in a while, someone may look at that person and think “Wow, they are messed up.
Possible? Agree?
Every single person can have someone else look at them and think “Wow, they are messed up."
Do you think, if you followed this along for 10, 20, 100 or 1000 levels or more, you’d eventually get to someone who just has it all figured out and they’re doing fantastic?
Following this path, do you think this is a progression UPWARD in character?
Is this is character pyramid and there’s one person at the very top who has it all figured out and is beyond the judgement of others?
No. you’re right. The person we reach after following this path for 1,000 occurrences probably has 10 people who could look at certain areas of their life and think “Wow, they are messed up."
In fact, here’s what we’d find out.
Some of those people who are looking judgmentally at that 1,000th person were ones someone looked down at 300 people ago, or 250 people ago.
The truth is, it’s all a giant CIRCLE of judgement.
After we’re gone through 1,000 iterations of judgement, we’re guaranteed to have a good number of the people who were judged earlier, back in the judgement game again.
It’s almost like a never ending game of leap frog. Once someone jumps over you, it’s time to get back in line waiting for your next turn to jump over someone else... and then have someone jump over you.
It’s the Judgement Circle, inside of which we all get trapped.
A perpetual game of judgement.
There’s only one escape route... and that’s to refuse to get back in line once someone has jumped over (or judged) you. Just don’t get back in line waiting to jump over (or judge) someone else.
When we jump out of the chain, we set ourselves apart from that game.
BE CAREFUL! - This is a prime place to start judging in another way. “Those fools and all their judgement games.” Ah hah! See, there you area again, back in the game yourself.
We won’t completely eliminate the judgement others have on us, but we will slow it down dramatically.
Continue on this path and I promise, you’ll see an EXPONENTIAL DECREASE in the judgement you experience in your life.
By the very nature of things, you’ll find you change who you spend time with in life and you will decrease the power of those who are still in the chain.
Remember what I always say: Change the world around you by changing the world within you.
It will be like avoid your greatest food temptation. Maybe it’s a the perfect piece of chocolate or a beautiful basket of fried onion rings (I’m more of a crunchy salty person when it comes to temptation).
The less you taste of it, the less your craving for it becomes. The more you see the benefits of avoiding it, the greater your ability to resist it.
Call to Action
Start this with baby steps, as I always say.
Today, when you are tempted to even THINK judgementally towards someone, don’t do it.
Call yourself out and say, even out loud, if you can “I don’t know that persons situation. I don’t know what brought them here. I know they have strengths where I have weaknesses. I will allow them to be them."
Something along those lines to remind yourself, you may be able to jump over them (or judge them) in this area, but further down the chain, in another area, they’re going to be able to jump over you.
Just one time... and then remember it. Tomorrow try to do it two times you’re tempted. Or even today.
Just work at it, consciously avoiding the opportunity to jump into The Judgement Circle.
Oh, yes, you’re right... I mess this up more times than I care to think. But, I consciously work to avoid the circle. That’s what I’m hoping you’ll do as well.
We’re all in this together, all “failures” in some area of life, working towards success in others. Continuously improving and celebrating together.
Follow me for a minute...
- Every once in a while, you may look at someone else and think “wow, they are messed up.”
- Every once in a while, someone may look at you and think “Wow, they are messed up."
- Every once in a while, someone may look at that person and think “Wow, they are messed up.
Possible? Agree?
Every single person can have someone else look at them and think “Wow, they are messed up."
Do you think, if you followed this along for 10, 20, 100 or 1000 levels or more, you’d eventually get to someone who just has it all figured out and they’re doing fantastic?
Following this path, do you think this is a progression UPWARD in character?
Is this is character pyramid and there’s one person at the very top who has it all figured out and is beyond the judgement of others?
No. you’re right. The person we reach after following this path for 1,000 occurrences probably has 10 people who could look at certain areas of their life and think “Wow, they are messed up."
In fact, here’s what we’d find out.
Some of those people who are looking judgmentally at that 1,000th person were ones someone looked down at 300 people ago, or 250 people ago.
The truth is, it’s all a giant CIRCLE of judgement.
After we’re gone through 1,000 iterations of judgement, we’re guaranteed to have a good number of the people who were judged earlier, back in the judgement game again.
It’s almost like a never ending game of leap frog. Once someone jumps over you, it’s time to get back in line waiting for your next turn to jump over someone else... and then have someone jump over you.
It’s the Judgement Circle, inside of which we all get trapped.
A perpetual game of judgement.
There’s only one escape route... and that’s to refuse to get back in line once someone has jumped over (or judged) you. Just don’t get back in line waiting to jump over (or judge) someone else.
When we jump out of the chain, we set ourselves apart from that game.
BE CAREFUL! - This is a prime place to start judging in another way. “Those fools and all their judgement games.” Ah hah! See, there you area again, back in the game yourself.
We won’t completely eliminate the judgement others have on us, but we will slow it down dramatically.
Continue on this path and I promise, you’ll see an EXPONENTIAL DECREASE in the judgement you experience in your life.
By the very nature of things, you’ll find you change who you spend time with in life and you will decrease the power of those who are still in the chain.
Remember what I always say: Change the world around you by changing the world within you.
It will be like avoid your greatest food temptation. Maybe it’s a the perfect piece of chocolate or a beautiful basket of fried onion rings (I’m more of a crunchy salty person when it comes to temptation).
The less you taste of it, the less your craving for it becomes. The more you see the benefits of avoiding it, the greater your ability to resist it.
Call to Action
Start this with baby steps, as I always say.
Today, when you are tempted to even THINK judgementally towards someone, don’t do it.
Call yourself out and say, even out loud, if you can “I don’t know that persons situation. I don’t know what brought them here. I know they have strengths where I have weaknesses. I will allow them to be them."
Something along those lines to remind yourself, you may be able to jump over them (or judge them) in this area, but further down the chain, in another area, they’re going to be able to jump over you.
Just one time... and then remember it. Tomorrow try to do it two times you’re tempted. Or even today.
Just work at it, consciously avoiding the opportunity to jump into The Judgement Circle.
Oh, yes, you’re right... I mess this up more times than I care to think. But, I consciously work to avoid the circle. That’s what I’m hoping you’ll do as well.
We’re all in this together, all “failures” in some area of life, working towards success in others. Continuously improving and celebrating together.
Previous Episode
A Tool to Help You Stickk To Your Goals - Ep. 139
If you listened to this past Tuesday’s episode, I shared with you some ways you can help yourself become more productive, as I do every Tuesday.
One of those ways I suggested was to create deadlines with very real consequences. The kind of consequences you’re going to do whatever you can to avoid.
Today I’m sharing with you and app that will help you do exactly that.
Stickk -
This is an app that comes out of Yale University. It’s legit. It’s got a lot of science behind it and it works!
Professor Dean Karlan teaches Economics and Professor Ian Ayers teaches law, both at Yale University. They partnered with one of their students, Jordan Goldberg, to create a tool they knew would help people achieve their goals, and it works. Here’s why...
Stickk gives you a platform where you can create what the founders call Commitment Contracts.
This is a contract you create with YOURSELF, but... there’s more to it than that. We’ve all tried that and seen it fail time and time again.
A Commitment Contract involves accountability and the power of “loss aversion."
You know what accountability is, but what about LOSS AVERSION?
You can figure out from the name, it’s about avoiding loss. But why? Why not just be motivated by gain?
Scientific studies suggest people are TWICE as motivated by avoiding loss than achieving a gain. People who lose $100 will be emotionally impacted more than someone who gains $100.
It’s because we don’t value what we don’t have. The potential to gain $100 will not motivate you as much as the real potential to lose $100. That’s the science, in a nutshell, of “Loss Aversion."
Here’s how it works:
Stickk has some predefined goals which you can use or even customize them to meet your needs. If those don’t work, you have the ability to build your own goal from scratch.
So, you start by creating a goal and then laying out the parameters of that goal. What will it take to achieve that goal and what are the specific things you have to do to get there?
Now, here’s where Stickk kicks in with some very real and powerful features.
Losing Money and Having an Honest Referee.
The creators of Stickk state that their data shows, people who have a referee to whom they’re accountable, are TWICE as likely to reach their goal. People who have something financially significant at stake are up to THREE times as likely to achieve their goal.
Put the power of both of those items together and you have Stickk.
When you sign in, you’ll have the opportunity to create a Commitment Contract where you can put something financial on the line. They don’t charge you ANYTHING unless you tell them you want to make the financial commitment and then only after you don’t achieve your goal.
So, what keeps us from cheating and just saying we did it? A referee who will look at your Commitment Journal to determine if you’re reaching your goal.
This journal is where you can post screenshots or pictures of you doing what you said you would do.
Now, it’s not just about having someone lord over you, it’s also about support. You can add in supporters who can see your commitment and progress and then cheer you along. It’s the perfect combination to getting where you want to be in life.
Your referee can be anybody you’d like.
Each time you take action toward your goal, you submit that information to Stickk and your referee will get an email saying you submitted something to your Stickk account. If they’d like, they can ask you for additional proof that you did what you said you did, or be satisfied with what you submitted.
You’re really empowering your referee. So, choose someone you trust but also make sure it’s someone you know will hold you accountable.
Here’s how you miss a goal:
You admit you missed it.
Your referee reports that you missed it
You don’t submit a commitment report in the time window you specified.
When you miss, if you have a financial stake included, your credit or debit card will be charged for the amount you set at the beginning.
As of this podcast, there is $21 million on the line for commitments.
There are just under 300,000 commitments.
That’s an average of about $72 on the line for each commitment. Make sure you choose an amount that’s going to HURT if you lose it.
Where does the money go?
You decide that. You can have it go to someone you want, or even have it go to a charity. Stickk holds the money for the charities and sends them all the stake money at one time at the end of the year. Some of the organizations they support are:
- Feed the Children
- Doctors without Borders
- United Way
and several others.
Here’s a fun twist. You can create...
Next Episode
Eating For Productivity - Ep. 141
Today, the 22nd, as I record this, is my birthday. Along with birthdays comes... birthday ... cake.
Wow, I can NOT focus after that piece of birthday cake.
I’m telling you, I’m distracted and unable to finish what I’ve started. It’s a struggle to do the outline for this show.
Let’s talk about why this happens and what we can do to not only avoid it, but reverse the scenario, and it doesn't just come from cake.
Glucose is Our Fuel
Glucose is what most of our food turns into and it’s what we need for energy. Without it, we crash and burn. We have zero energy.
Research indicates the optimum level of glucose in our blood stream is 25 grams. That’s about what you’ll get from one banana but keep in mind, that glucose is consumed over time. So you have to work at keeping your levels balanced.
Too high and you suffer, too low and you suffer.
You can do that by regulating your intake through grazing or by eating foods that are low on the Glycemic Index, which means they release glucose more slowly...
Amino Acids
Tyrosine is an amino acid that makes you feel energized and alert. It is one of the ones that can cross the blood-brain barrier.
Tryptophan is another one, which has a calming effect.
Foods that are high in Tyrosine and are Low GI foods:
- Seaweed
- Salmon
- Turkey
- Egg Whites
- Parmesan Cheese
- Shrimp / Crab / Lobster
- Pork
- Mustard Greens
- Fish, Tuna
- Spinach
- Pumpkin Seeds
High Glycemic foods (AVOID):
- White Breads
- Corn Flakes, Puffed Rice
- White Rice
- Pretzels
- Popcorn
- Potatoes
- Mac & Cheese
Think about what most kids are eating today in the West. Is it any wonder we think they all have ADHD?
I would love to know if you have a snack you enjoy which doesn't cause you to crash and burn in the afternoons.
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