A New Language of Sex: Embarking on the Learning Together

12/21/21 • 10 min

Love on the Air - Podcast of The Whole Parent

I’d like to imagine that I get better and better at sex over time. Of course, my aging body may have a slightly different course, but, at the moment, we’re all on the up and up. No little blue helper is needed at this point. Still, sex is different. Deeper, richer, and less concentrated on the orgasm. But this didn’t happen overnight. This happened as an evolution. I listened to my partners, I read books about sexual intelligence, I tuned in to my own body and tried to decipher its hidden messages. Here’s what I learned: I’m evolving.

Sex Gets Better and Deeper the More You Practice

Just like any other physical activity (yoga, running, swimming, tennis) sex gets better the more you practice. Sometimes it’s good to practice by yourself, to understand your own mechanics and proclivities. In a relationship, it’s good to tune into the rhythms of your sexual desires, understanding that sometimes they will not be in sync, but when they are... Watch out.

Monogamy offers the opportunity to practice and meditate and discuss sex for an extended period of time. Over time, I can learn ways to get us both off. Over time, I can discover ways to get you off that leave me completely fulfilled as well. Over time, I can set both our bodies on fire with a few words of poetry and a gentle brush of my fingers across the back of your neck. Over time, I’m going to find the places that drive you mad. I promise not to overuse them. And I promise to keep exploring, seeking, new erogenous zones, ones that neither of us has ever uncovered.

You can read the entire article on The New Language of Sex from The Whole Parent.

Sex Gets Better and Deeper the More You Practice

You can read the entire article on The New Language of Sex from The Whole Parent.

Previous Episode

Pausing in the Gap: Trying to Force An Answer Is Not the Way

In the past, I had a partner who had a hard time deciding where she wanted to eat. I’d say something like, “Well, can we start with what kind of food you want to get?”

“Um, I don’t really care.”

“All right, how about breakfast tacos?”

“No.”

“TexMex?

“No.”

“Okay, how about Italian or Thai?”

“I don’t know.”

STOP.

Okay, this is a simplified example. But here is what I’ve learned about myself (that I am attempting to understand better in this post) in this example.

I Want To Know Your Decision, Your Wishes, What YOU Want

I'll see you on the whole parent. Here is the text of this episode. Pausing In the Gap on The Whole Parent.

Next Episode

Happier In Divorce: Resilience, Setting the Example for My Kids

Happy With Things Just As They Are

I learned to be happy in spite of the divorce. I found a way to embrace myself and my joy within the darkness and aloneness that tried to overwhelm me after the divorce. I lost my kids and I knew I’d have to reemerge as a happy and healthy dad, so they could learn from my example. I am showing my kids how to live. I am giving them examples, even now, nine years after the divorce, of how to form healthy relationships. And I am attempting to keep sharing my happiness and hopefulness with them.

I wish I could’ve had more time with my kids. I wish my then-wife had agreed to 50/50 shared parenting. I wish my ex-wife would be a more collaborative parent. But even as I wish about these things, even as I can feel regret about the lost time, I am HAPPIER NOW THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.

Read the entire post here: Next-Level Parenting