Love on the Air - Podcast of The Whole Parent

Let's look into the challenges of dating as a single parent. To start, we've both got some history under our belt, kids, and some requirements for what's OK and what we simply won't ever do again.

As we navigate "dating" again, we quickly realize the rules are very different as single parents. Our experience gives us some distinct advantages in terms of recognizing what we don't want. And perhaps our unfinished healing might keep us from starting the dating process again.

Read this article on The Whole Parent: What a Single Dad Wants

Most of us are not very good at self-care. We often put other’s needs before ours. Especially if we are single parents, we’ve got a full load at work and a full load at home. Where is the time for ourselves? How do we make time for self-care?

One of my life-skills has been learning how to run my schedule using Google Calendar. I put all the appointments on my calendar. I remember a “hello date” several years ago, where I asked, “If you’ll give me your email address I’ll send you a calendar invite for our coffee this Saturday.” She found it odd, quirky, and somewhat endearing. I found it essential to put our dates on the map of my time so that I could make energy and time available.

I put things on my calendar so I can show up ready to go. I can glance at my week, see the high points and make decisions about how I’m going to schedule or use my open time. When I know what’s coming on Thursday evening, I can plan an early night on Wednesday to give me plenty of energy for the event. If I run my day at full-tilt and am slightly surprised that I have an evening event, I’m going to be tired, I’m going to be less-than-100%, I’m going to be disappointed in my planning and management.

I was speaking to a friend recently about their self-care planning. Here’s what I heard then say, “I’ve just got too much going on. Too many people need me right now.” Here’s the underlying message, “My self-care is not as important as my care of others.” And where this gets problematic is when things get overwhelming. When our schedules get overbooked with obligations to our kids, our friends, our partners, we will feel anxiety and exhaustion as we head into the weekday, the day where we have NO BREAKS.

“What if,” I proposed to my friend, “You take a moment at the beginning of each day, and add in a ME CYCLE? What if the first calendar event was YOU, every single day?” I could see the consternation on my friend’s face. I could hear the “not possible” response forming on their lips. “Just consider it,” I said. “I know, even this feels overwhelming, and like adding one more event to your calendar.” They nodded. “And I’m not speaking to you as a coach, but as a friend who cares about you.” I could see the pain in their expression.

Read the entire article on The Whole Parent.

Each one of us wants to feel loved. We seek a partner. We navigate dating introductions to hopefully find someone to share our lives with. We commit to a relationship and try to make it work. We fail. And we find the courage and energy to start over.

We all want to be loved. We seek love. We find someone to love. Then what happens next?

Being in a loving relationship is a continuous process of micro-corrections in our everyday lives together. We will all have difficulties and disagreements, the trick is how we choose to address them as a couple. In a healthy and consciously aware relationship, we can make choices that move us towards our partner.

read it all at The Whole Parent

Healthy love, for each of us, is a series of trials and errors. We weren’t shown what healthy love looks like so we give it a go and screw it up a number of times before we begin to pick up some clues. But even our clues can be misguided and point us in unhealthy directions. What do we know about healthy love today if we look for the information?

Read the article here: The Four Laws of Love

I’d like to imagine that I get better and better at sex over time. Of course, my aging body may have a slightly different course, but, at the moment, we’re all on the up and up. No little blue helper is needed at this point. Still, sex is different. Deeper, richer, and less concentrated on the orgasm. But this didn’t happen overnight. This happened as an evolution. I listened to my partners, I read books about sexual intelligence, I tuned in to my own body and tried to decipher its hidden messages. Here’s what I learned: I’m evolving.

Just like any other physical activity (yoga, running, swimming, tennis) sex gets better the more you practice. Sometimes it’s good to practice by yourself, to understand your own mechanics and proclivities. In a relationship, it’s good to tune into the rhythms of your sexual desires, understanding that sometimes they will not be in sync, but when they are... Watch out.

Monogamy offers the opportunity to practice and meditate and discuss sex for an extended period of time. Over time, I can learn ways to get us both off. Over time, I can discover ways to get you off that leave me completely fulfilled as well. Over time, I can set both our bodies on fire with a few words of poetry and a gentle brush of my fingers across the back of your neck. Over time, I’m going to find the places that drive you mad. I promise not to overuse them. And I promise to keep exploring, seeking, new erogenous zones, ones that neither of us has ever uncovered.

You can read the entire article on The New Language of Sex from The Whole Parent.