Episode 238: Blake S's Mom

04/04/24 • 62 min

When Sandy first contacted me after her son, Blake's death, I never imagined that less than 2 years later she would be sharing his story on the podcast. When Sandy wrote to me, it was only 6 weeks since Blake had died. The pain was palpable throughout her email. Her very last sentence to me read, 'This is the MOST excruciating pain ever!!'

She was filled with anger toward the doctors who failed to diagnose Blake quickly enough and see just how sick he was. Sandy says that she was in a very dark place for over a year. She posted on social media about Blake, finding others to share her pain. She would spend time with Blake's friends on his birthday and other special days, but Sandy stayed in darkness focusing on Blake's death and all that had been lost. In a way, Sandy felt comfortable in the grief. She felt that if she didn't continue to tightly hang on to the grief, she might start to forget Blake. It felt like the best way to honor Blake was to remain in her dark grief.

Amazingly, it was a near-death experience that showed her a new way. Sandy had a long history of diabetes, but after Blake died, she neglected routine doctor's visits and her diabetes went out of control. She was found by a friend unconscious in her home in a coma. She had to be intubated and placed in the ICU with failing organs. Her family was told that Sandy would not survive. Somehow, however, Sandy did survive. Doctors and nurses in the hospital all came to see the 'miracle patient' who should have never lived.

Suddenly, everything changed for Sandy. She realized that for some reason, her life was spared. It was not her time to die. She decided to rededicate her life entirely. Instead of focusing on Blake's death, Sandy worked to focus on his life. She tells his story to anyone who will listen. She talks about his amazing heart and giving nature. She educates others on tissue and organ donation. Sandy decided that for the remainder of her days, she would focus on living in the light and not the darkness. It is not grief that holds her close to Blake. It is her unchanging, amazing love for Blake that continues to keep him close.

Previous Episode

Episode 237: Corban's Mom

Last July 4th weekend, I had the honor of going to a very sacred space with two bereaved moms, Dixie, and today's guest and dear friend, Michelle. We retraced the steps that Michele and her family took on that fateful day on July 4th, 2020 when Michelle lost her amazing 19-year-old son, Corban, who drowned in Lake Michigan. From the first steps walking along that trail, I knew that we were doing something very special. I could feel Corban, Parker, and Andy. I could feel God walking along beside us.

In the first years after Andy died, whenever we dove past the accident site where Andy died, I would feel sick to my stomach. That has never been a struggle for Michelle, however. Perhaps it is due to the beauty of the sand dunes or perhaps the sparkle of Lake Michigan in the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore area. Whatever the reason may be, this spot has been dubbed by Michelle as 'Corban's Spot' for she feels his presence close whenever she is there. For me, Corban's Spot feels holier than any cathedral.

Three years ago this week, God gave Michelle another gift at Corban's Spot. She went up to be with Corban for her birthday weekend. While there, she noticed a new large piece of driftwood had washed ashore. Michelle had always looked for hearts in nature to help remind her of Corban, but on this day, God gave Michelle a piece of driftwood that looked to have a cutout heart in the center. Over the last three years, the appearance of the driftwood has changed, but it has remained as an ever-present reminder of her love for Corban. It even inspired Michelle to write a poem.

~Driftwood Heart~ A grieving mother’s heart, A piece of driftwood on the beach. Pieces missing, not complete; Changed but the same. Rough edges, smoothed by the elements. Ever changing, never what was. Created by God, changed by the world. Searching for a new purpose. How to fit into this place? A changed heart, a different world. A piece of driftwood, looking for its place. A piece of driftwood, tragically beautiful.

Thank you, Michelle, for helping us see the beauty in tragedy. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and all around you.

Next Episode

Episode 239: Randy's Dad

What is a miracle? Many people have told today's guest, Freddie, that his son, Randy, was a living miracle. Few would have argued that point. Randy was diagnosed with cancer at 4 1/2 years of age. After conventional chemotherapy and radiation failed to treat his tumor, the family was told that Randy had 6 months to live. They turned to NIH studies, but none of those treatments ever made it out of the stage of clinical trials. His grandfather prayed over him and even instructed Freddie to rub a Bible up and down his spine. Randy was cured by these faith healings again and again. The boy who was never expected to see his 5th birthday saw his 15th and even his 25th birthday. Randy was, without a doubt, a living miracle, until one night, he wasn't.

Randy suffered a seizure and his heart stopped. He died that night and his parents were faced with the harsh reality that Randy was no longer their living miracle. Freddie says that their faith was rocked to its core. They trusted that God would continue protecting Randy, but He didn't. It made no sense and left Freddie with a sense of anger. In fact, Freddie is the first to admit that he continues to struggle with anger at times.

Randy's death, however, does not change the fact that Randy is still a miracle. In fact, after my conversation with Freddie today, my very definition of a miracle has changed. After our recording stopped, Freddie challenged me to think of Andy's life as a miracle as well. I had never thought of Andy as being a miracle. I had always focused on the fact that a miracle didn't happen that night when Andy died. If there had been a miracle, Andy would be alive. Freddie showed me that through this podcast, however, Andy has become just as much of a miracle as Randy is. By listening to Andy's story, people get to know him and feel hope and healing as they suffer their greatest tragedy. In some ways, there can be no bigger miracle than that. Thank you, Freddie, for showing me that even in death, our sons are still miracles, and that in sharing their stories, others can get to know our miracle sons just a little bit.