David Willans - Founder of Being Dads

Explicit content warning

12/02/20 • 35 min

David Willans, founder of the website Being Dads joins the show as we discover what is behind his thoughtful and informative weekly emails. We learn how a typical dad moment - losing your rag with your kids, and lacking role models the resonated, turned into a project to educate himself and others about fatherhood - our behaviours and how they impact on others. David talks convincingly about how definitions of fatherhood lack "depth."

Content

03:00 We discuss the burning question in November - is it too early for Xmas?!

06:30 The euphoric feeling bumping into someone you know in the park

07:30 David's path to setting up Being Dads

Classic school run moment - shouting at kids, getting stressed.

Caught myself - angry dad moment I'd lost control and I didn't want to be that guy

Limited role models - either Disciplinarian Dad, Lego Dad or "Steve Martin" Dad

10:30 Speaking to other Dads he knew - "longest I've ever spent talking about fatherhood".

You lost temper and started a website, was this a conscious choice?

"Hard to sit still and do nothing."

14:00 Kids give you lots of opportunities to be a better person if you are paying attention

17:30 How to stop thinking? James' experience of the Gender Agenda project

18:30 Expert status - talk and think about it.

20:30 Digging in child development and psychotherapy - how adult behaviours are driven by childhood. The dangers of reading too much!

22:00 Top books for thoughtful parents (see below)

25:00

We discuss time, attention and behaviour

James anticipates being laughed at

Adults talking about Dads - it's attention or lack of, that they remember. The dads they don't remember growing up

30:00

Dads and sport

31:00 Tips

Read about Virat Kohli, Indian cricket captain, planning to miss 2 test matches in January for paternity leave.

Wake up and think about what you are going to do that is amazing for the family.

Dad to dad meet up - outdoor fresh air is good for the soul
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David Willans

https://www.beingdads.com/

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Previous Episode

Nadia Nagamootoo - Coach, Consultant and Psychologist

Nadia Nagamootoo, founder & CEO of Avenir Consulting Services, speaker, chartered psychologist, coach and expectant mum joins Lockdown Dads to talk about her path to "complete inclusion" and how her own experiences of shared parental leave and equal parenting led to seeking greater understanding of the organisational limits to men's access to flexible working and extended leave.
We discuss the challenges and disappointments of men's lack of access to maternity services in 2020 and reflect on whether Covid is a moment in time or a fundamental culture shift for working dads. Plus strong tips on what steps men can take to get involved in the change they want to see - aka being an active and involved father.
Contents
00:45 2 weeks away from giving birth!
01:30 Some amazing things have happened, baby is the icing on the cake.
02:00 Nadia's husband faced a lack of empathy for family circumstances during lockdown v1 - 6 year old daughter at home.
04:30 We discuss issues about dad's access to maternity services.
Practicing interchangeable parenting - 1 long weekend a month for the MBA
Judgement of Nadia and questioning about whether he could 'cope'.
05:30 It's sad for him not to hear the heart beat and see the scan.
08:00 Ian talks about International Men's Day and ranting on LinkedIn
09:45 James is bored of lockdown v2, but looking forward to a socially distanced man date with Ian
11:30 Nadia's path - very personal. Her career path wasn't D&I focused - instead organisational culture change.
Winning a 30% Club scholarship to study an MBA at Henley Business School.
Given the importance of her husband's Shared Parental Leave (SPL), Nadia MBA thesis was all about understanding the organisational limits to men's access to flexible working and extended leave.
17:20 Impact of Covid. Have we fundamentally changed the system? Or is Covid just a moment in time?
19:30 8/10 dads on workingdads.co.uk survey wanted more flexible working.
20:30 Talking about barriers for men
> Senior male leadership role model.
> Fear of the impact on their job.
> Local culture - line managers and team members define what is possible.
24:30 Men need own what they want and speak up, but also dads as a route to gender equality.
26:30 Tips - Listen to Barack Obama interview on Radio 4, Read James' piece on planning on the working dads website. Nadia's tip - what small things can you do - adjustments or requests that allows to you access some of the lockdown magic. Challenge yourself!
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Nadia Nagamootoo
https://www.avenirconsultingservices.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/nadia-nagamootoo-98436613/
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Barack Obama - https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000q50g
James' plan https://www.workingdads.co.uk/working-dads-build-back-better/
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About Lockdown Dads
James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.
We hope you enjoy watching and listening!
To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:
https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads

Next Episode

Martin Robinson - Founder of the Book of Man

From lad mag to expert on modern masculinity. This episode is loaded with content "for him" as Martin Robinson, editor of digital magazine, the Book of Man, gives us the lowdown on why it was time for content that explicitly put men's mental health, front and centre of the conversation.
We learn about the human zoo that was working for Maxim in the 1990s and how going a little bit nuts was seen as an occupational hazard that shouldn't distract from the "fun". Fortunately the world has moved on a bit and Martin talks about how a new breed of man is engaging on a more emotional and vulnerable level and seeing the benefits of redefining what being a good man can mean.
Martin kicks things off by talking about the multiple pressures of keeping a business going, while home-schooling his 8 yr old son and 5 yr old daughter, plus managing their wellbeing and outlook on the world.
04:00 A call back to the "Christmas of Death"
06:00 How many Xmas trees do you need?
08:00 Ongoing Rona-coaster and the fragility of the situation.
James will eat his hat if Covid is over by Easter
09:30 Book of Man - increased demand due to mental health.
Traffic up massively in first lockdown.
It's not laugh a minute on the site
Topics that aren't going to be touched by GQ looking what the season's suits will be.
Professor Green
13:00 Excitement about the future - we need strong voices to help people through it.
14:00 Martin hoping for a reassessment of the ideals that men hold - taking pride in being around.
Caning it forever around the clock isn't really the answer!
17:00 The challenge when your identity and sense of self is defined by your job. Then you lose your job....
19:00 Talking about Jason Fox's role, there's angle about the military - getting organised and looking after your own little area, it's coming into it's own.
21:30 It's powerful when tough guys open up. More engagement when they talk about bad days, rather than a 1000 burpees.
23:00 Starting out a Maxim, did you expect to end up with Book of Man?
What did it mean to be a man in the 1990s? Hedonism and freedom.
There was no place for discussion about masculinity or mental health - that would be spoiling the fun.
26:00 I was never a massive lad - I wanted to be a writer.
People were continually having breakdowns. Long hours, long socialising.
29:00 Things were starting to change - Shortlist started doing mental health stories. An urgency to the launch of Book of Man post #Metoo and a focus on men's behaviour.
Martin's book is out in the spring "You're not the man you're supposed to be."
Tips
How to handle Xmas decorations
Don't leave decorating until December.
Read Julia Gillard's book - Women and Leadership
Book of Man https://thebookofman.com/
Twitter https://twitter.com/MartinXRobinson
Jason Fox Wild Tales Podcast Jason Fox Wild Tales Podcast – The Book of Man
Julia Gillard book - Women and Leadership https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/112/1120820/women-and-leadership/9781787634
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About Lockdown Dads
James Millar and Ian Dinwiddy are recording a weekly ‘show’ exploring the impact of lockdown, self-isolation and social distancing on working dads. We’ll share tips, thoughts and stories with special guests, discuss our hopes for the future and the opportunities that all this represents, especially for dads who want to be more active and involved fathers but who until now have struggled with the expectations of what it means to be a man in the workplace.
We hope you enjoy watching and listening!
To get in touch, submit your tips and learn about us click here:
https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads