Q&A: How to find a good Domme and stay in Her good graces

03/15/22 • 44 min

In this Q&A episode, Mistress Damiana Chi answers questions from her listeners, Mike, Stephen, and Jerome, who had 2 questions.

Mike:

“I was just wondering what advice you might have for someone who has trouble expressing their kink side for a number of years and doesn’t really think they are going down the right avenues and just wants to delve a bit deeper into the BDSM community but doesn’t really know where to start.”

Stephen:

“My question is about staying in good graces with your dominant. I’m a submissive and as a client and I often worry about doing the wrong thing. It’s so important to me that the dominant actually like me. I get nervous often so just any advice you could give on being a good submissive would be super interesting to me and much appreciated. Thank you!”

Jerome:

“Hello, this is Jerome from France. What would you say is the difference between kinksters, subs and slaves? Thanks a lot!”

Jerome:

“Hello I will be meeting a pro domme for the very first time shortly. What would be your recommendations to make this a success?”

Mistress Damiana answers these thoughtful questions from male subs who really care about making sure they understand the best way to go about meeting dommes, making a good first impression, and staying in their good graces. Subs who have these concerns are actually exactly the type of thoughtful, sincere, respectful sub that every domme wants to play with.

In this episode, Mistress Damiana spoke about a course for submissives called "Be Your Best Submissive Self". It is a 4-hour live, online Zoom course available to all subs of any gender worldwide. If you’re interested in getting on the mailing list to get notified for when this course is offered next, go to mistressdamianachi.com/be-your-best-submissive-self.

Also in this episode, reference was made to www.ConsciousKinkCommunity.com - a private, personally-vetted members only community of kinksters who share a like-minded consciousness about being respectful and supportive of one another, in a safe container where we all can share and connect about anything kink related. If this resonates, you are welcome to click the link above to learn more and request to join.

Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!

Special access patrons: Cynthia C., Mark R.

VIP Patrons: Mistress Persephone Rose, Domina Flora, Richard Tackett

Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on most social media platforms at @damianachiphd. Her lectures and interviews can be seen on YouTube.

If you would like to support Mistress Damiana’s “Lightworkers who play in the Dark” Podcast, please become her patron by going to Patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member, where you can connect with her in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, psychodrama domination episodes, and access to her private HiHo group, where you can do 1-on1 personal video chats with Mistress Damiana. Your support is much appreciated 🙏

And many thanks and gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹

Get bonus content on Patreon

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this Q&A episode, Mistress Damiana Chi answers questions from her listeners, Mike, Stephen, and Jerome, who had 2 questions.

Mike:

Stephen:

Jerome:

“Hello, this is Jerome from France. What would you say is the difference between kinksters, subs and slaves? Thanks a lot!”

Jerome:

“Hello I will be meeting a pro domme for the very first time shortly. What would be your recommendations to make this a success?”

Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!

Special access patrons: Cynthia C., Mark R.

VIP Patrons: Mistress Persephone Rose, Domina Flora, Richard Tackett

Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on most social media platforms at @damianachiphd. Her lectures and interviews can be seen on YouTube.

And many thanks and gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹

Get bonus content on Patreon

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

Mistress Damiana Chi's Domme Journey: An Autobiographical Solocast

In this first episode of "Lightworkers who play in the Dark" podcast, Mistress Damiana Chi delivers an autobiographical solocast, in which she shares a brief autobiographical background on her life and on her personal Domme journey, so her listeners can learn a bit about their host. She shares stories from her life, her philosophies, and perspectives in relation to BDSM, femdom and kink.

Podcast description:

Lightworkers are healers who transmute darkness into light. They are those who walk among us who make you feel better, just from being in their presence. Can a Dominatrix really be a Lightworker? Yes - if she is playing consciously, in service to the well-being of her submissives. If a Domme can see and accept her subs for all of who they are, if she can meet them in their darkness and celebrate it with them, she can transmute pain into ecstacy, shame into acceptance, fear into love. This is the role and mission of The Evolutionary DominatrixTM.

BDSM is an artform, healing modality and energy exchange relationship that is widely misunderstood and misrepresented in the media as abusive, comical or sick. People judge or ridicule that which they do not understand. Representations of kink for the purpose of entertainment don't do justice to the beauty and totality of this unique connection, based on trust and mutual respect.

This podcast provides a glimpse into the real world of BDSM, kink and erotic domination and the intricacies of the lives of people who live in it. These are usually intelligent people with a high level of self-awareness and psychological health. They are professionals, parents, artists, technicians...people you know and talk to on a daily basis. Here, they will have open and honest conversations about why BDSM is such a big part of their lives and how they benefit from this unique lifestyle.

Bio:

Mistress Damiana has been a professional and lifestyle dominatrix for over 2 decades in Los Angeles. She holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, a Masters degree in counseling psychology, and a Bachelors degree in behavioral sciences. She is also a certified sexologist, specializing in kink-centered life coaching, the founder of The Evolutionary DominatrixTM Academy, and the creator of Conscious Kink Community.

Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on most social media platforms at @damianachiphd. Her lectures and interviews can be seen on YouTube.

Special thanks and gratitude to the music editor, Geoff Nigl, and content editor, Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹

Get bonus content on Patreon

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

Interview with a Recovering Paypig (A Financial Domination Addict)

This interview with a recovering paypig (also called a finsub or a financial domination addict) is a really important one, and the first of its kind. We hope that everyone in the BDSM community will listen to this episode and have it be a real wake up call to what is happening to all these people who are being damaged by the people who are exploiting them for selfish gain. This interview will help to humanize paypigs, make FinDommes think about things differently, and change the way they see them for good—not as pigs and faceless objects only to be used for their wallets and thrown away. These are real people with real lives that are being negatively affected on all levels, many to devastating degrees.

Here is a direct quote from someone in the kink community to give an idea of the degree of devastation and hardship that finsubs are going through:

“I had several clients lose thousands of dollars from findom. At worst, my clients ended up owing money for their mortgage, to their lawyers, etc. There are two things I know for sure; 1) they will never get their money back and 2) they are emotionally, mentally and psychologically crushed. When my clients hit the dead end, I usually took over to figure out how to protect them from losing everything. That involved filing a police report, showing lawyers and negotiating with them (same for their mortgage), finding them a therapist for their mental health, etc."

Listening to Matt (not his real name) talk so freely in this interview, and openly about his fight against his urges to engage in the destructive addictive behavior of impulsively giving large amounts of money to fin dommes, with whom, he describes as never once having an ethical experience, really makes our hearts go out to him, and the thousands of others who struggle with this addiction.

Findommes may not even be aware of their wrongdoings because are not consciously thinking about how their actions might be negatively affecting that live human being on the other end of their DMs. They might be justifying their actions with “Well, they consented.” Consent doesn’t mean a thing when the play is not ethical. When a findomme irresponsibly takes money from a consenting finsub whose addiction is negatively affecting his financial, mental and psychological health, social life, and overall quality of life, it is wrong, and it is unethical. He is not actually a sub, but a victim of abuse.

Mistress Damiana made reference to her article, FINDOM IS NOT FEMDOM, which can be found on her blog page: podcast.damianachiphd.com/blog

Supporting finsubs is a big part of the reason why Mistress Damiana created Conscious Kink Community, a private social network, exclusive to personally-vetted members. There are strict community guidelines that prohibit the offering and requesting of financial domination, and negative judgement and abuse. There is a huge need for conscious kinksters to be in community with each other without having to deal with findommes, domme imposters, and con artists. Conscious kinksters are welcome to request to join at the link above.

Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!

Official Patrons: Mike L., Betty S., Priestess Francesca

Special access patrons: Duchess Amanda LoreRein

Bonus Content Patrons: The Dutchess and Tracey C.

VIP Patron: Lisa D.

If you would like to support this podcast, please become Mistress Damiana's patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member. Your support is much appreciated 🙏

Much gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹

Get bonus content on Patreon

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.