BACHETTE UNCUT - Salsa, self care and some fresh meat

It’s another episode of Bachette Uncut brought to you by the gasiest of couples - Matty J and Laura (this joke will make sense when you hear the start of the ep). The show kicks off with Holly dancing her way into a single date with Brooke where they literally.... dance the whole time. NO MORE DANCING HOLLY! They have a beautiful honest conversation about sexuality and identity, which is topped off with a rose and kiss. Just before Holly can break out the Samba one last time - it’s time for the group date!

As per all group dates of late, it’s a weird mix of whatever the prop department has laying around channel 10. This week is a jumping castle compatibility game complete with ropes, love hearts and scissors. It’s seriously a miracle that everyone made it out of this date alive. Emily was crowned most compatible, which proves these games are a total waste of time. Not a whole lot happens at the cocktail party except for Darrrrvid getting a kiss that went on for 10 min - yes this actually happened.

Ep 4 saw everyone’s favourite contestant finally get a single date - that’s right it’s the hunk a spunk Konrad! They have a pamper date organised, which just involves Konrad taking his clothes off and being rubbed in oil on a massage table (well played Brooke). They kiss and cry (happy tears) and kiss and cry and kiss.. then cry.. followed by some more kissing and crying. To be honest, I’ve never seen a couple kiss and cry so much on a date but I’m not complaining - it’s beautiful.

The group date is a go-kart race that involves folding Osher’s washing and organising his Christmas decorations. I swear we’re not making this up! Carissa wins because she’s a pro at untangling fairy lights but all she gets is a friendship peck from Brooke. Awkies! Just when we were starting to learn everyone’s name, production decided to throw in intruders - four of them! All the OG’s freak out and turn on Osher as they begin looting the mansion - they only stop when police are called to break up rioting (this last part is made up).