Life in Relationship

Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author

Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link)

Proactive v reactive approach

Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe

Reactive = awareness of emotion when it comes up

Tip 1 - Attend to and nurture

The environment

Relationships

Internal needs

Growth mindset – realist outlook + everything is redeemable

Tip 2 – Hold the tension of love with your frustration or anger

Tip 3 – Remember “more than they deserve”

Tip 4 – Non-judgment – grace and truth with the understanding that God is judge, not me

Tip 5 – Notice other people

Tip 6 – values and faith as driver, emotion as information to process

Shame

Tip 7 – careful of pouring yourself out to the last drop, we are human

The impact of shame and guilt on our internal processing of anger

“Holding It Lightly” from dialectical behavior therapy

The purpose of frustration and anger

Ministry Talks 6 – Top Ten Reasons to Take a Vacation

Two massive things in the way of vacation – time and money

Creativity is often a must, but here are 10 reasons why vacations can’t go by the wayside in ministry life...

Ecclesiastes 3:9-14

1 – Rest

Conversations about what rest is Biblically

Run Hard, Rest Well

https://runhardrestwell.com/

Sleep – Ted Talk, Why do we Sleep? https://www.ted.com/talks/russell_fos...

2 – Recharge

Inspiration fatigue

What gives you energy? What recharges you?

3 – Reflect

processing the past year, month, days

Give your brain “whiteboard space”

Dangerous Calling, Paul David Tripp – pg. 55

https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Call...

4 – Teach Others

Your family, Your congregation, Your community

What is rest?

Permission to rest

Prioritizing family

Stewardship of time

5 – Consider the next pastor/teacher/leader

unrealistic expectations passed on

Where am I allowing Gospel space in this church/ministry?

6 – Identify symptoms of burnout

Physical – headaches, digestive issues, blood pressure, teeth grinding, fatigue

Emotional – joy fatigue, frayed nerves

Relational - little to no friendships, marriage stress

Caregiver/compassion fatigue

Thom Rainer on burnout –

http://thomrainer.com/2013/09/seven-r...

http://thomrainer.com/2013/05/twelve-...

7 – Define Emergency

media impact on our brains

time to access and identify accurately level of drama and our connection to it

Who am I and Who is God? Is He calling me to this right now, in this moment?

8 – Date night and dating your family

take the babysitter opportunity when visiting family

marriage and family hear their value

vocation of helpers to one another

9 - Creative burst

Opportunity for boredom and ideas

Ted Talk - https://www.ted.com/talks/manoush_zom...

What ideas have you gotten on vacation?

10 – Ministry somewhere else

go to a new church

minister to the staff at the hotel, restaurant, wherever

visit a ministry friend

start small – one day at a hotel or somewhere overnight

Grouchiness in Marriage

Questions:

What makes you grouchy? Especially in marriage, keeping a household, and family life?

How does the law motivate in marriage, or does it?

How does the gospel motivate more fully or better in marriage?

What does the gospel look like when you’d like to see a change in your marriage?

Wellness exercise:

Identify one change you’d like to see in your marriage. Consider what the Law would communicate about that problem and what the Gospel communicates about that problem. Where might you start with a Gospel oriented solution?

YouTube video link: https://youtu.be/t1xItqqh1dE

Find Always Growing videos:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCryz1QG5wDu1HWaapevYFOIUiwXEm1IC

Find more marriage and relationship resources at: https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships Follow us on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/heidigoehmanwrites

https://www.instagram.com/heidigoehmann/

https://twitter.com/HeidiGoehmann

Hit subscribe to get the marriage conversations in your podcast or youtube feed.

Download the Talk Sheets under "Resources on Marriage" at https://heidigoehmann.com/relationships

ILMS 20 – Ministry Talks: Friendship and Ministry

1 Samuel 14:1-7 - Jonathan and his armor bearer

Step One of Friendship: Prayer

Step Two: Admitting friendship isn’t easy

Friendship will continue to be a challenge as long as we walk the earth

God = relational, Genesis 2:25

Satan likes isolation

dual relationships

Ministry and friendship are both personal

Step Three: Vulnerability = walking into a situation exposed

no hiding

Boundaries with flexibility

How do we drop the armor satan would put on us and pick up God’s armor so we can walk vulnerably into relationships?

1) Do the inviting

2) Know there will be hurt and pain

3) Two things that grow relationships – awkwardness and forgiveness

4) Addressing expectations directly, having uncomfortable conversations

5) Finding a script

Step Four: Mindfulness = awareness, bringing what is unconscious to consciousness

consider the dynamics at play

6 things to be particularly mindful of for friendship in ministry

1) confidence and confidentiality

2) Misunderstandings and assumptions

3) Differences

4) Baggage

5) Power dynamics in ministry

Address these honestly and upfront

6) Confusion of spirituality

Resources: Uninvited by Lysa Terkheurst

SWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche

Focus on the Family article about friendship for teens - https://www.focusonthefamily.com/pare...

Articles on friendship:

The Four Myths of Friendship https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...

Bring me a Friend, Lord! https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...

Tending Friendship https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...

Dessert Night https://ilovemyshepherd.com/ilovemysh...

Moving and friendship – addressed further in episode 15

IMLS 23 - Ten Minutes of Compassion

Ten Minute Truth #1 - Compassion assumes some discomfort

Ten Minute Truth #2 - Compassion includes the "and" of truth and mercy

What about discipline and truth?

Psalm 119:77 -Let your mercy come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight.

Ten Minute Truth #3 - compassion includes a “but”

Nehemiah 9:16-19a

Ten Minute Truth #4 – love them anyway

We are going to need it ourselves

Mark 6

Matthew 9

heidigoehmann.com or ilovemyshepherd.com

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/ilovemyshepherd

Facebook - @ilovemyshepherd

Twitter - @heidigoehmann

Instagram - @heidigoehmann

Snapchat - @heidiadventures

ESV Bible translation - Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.