With Matt Boggs: 7 Sexy Habits That Create Connection and Will Get His Attention

03/27/20 • 42 min

For practical advice on the seven sexy habits that drive men wild, Marni welcomes the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of the Cracking the Man Code seminar, Matt Boggs into the den. Matt helps millions of people around the world understand the hearts and minds of the opposite sex and how they can attract the relationship they desire. He is a sought after dating and relationship expert. He's been featured on the Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and Oprah & Friends.

Key takeaways from this episode:

What flirting is and isn’t
What men need from a woman
Strategies for showing a guy you are interested without going overboard
How to express your sexual energy
How to say no to a guy if you are not interested in him

Driving Men Wild in the Time of #Metoo [2:36]

All of Matt's work revolves around supporting and empowering women in their love life. During the time of #Metoo, men have been shifting their behavior in how much attraction they are willing to show especially in certain environments. There has been a pullback from men when it comes to making the first move.

Are men afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing? Marni says ‘Yes’. Therefore, women need to make it clear they are interested so guys know it's ok to approach us and show us they are interested.

Women sometimes falsely think that men have all the power in a relationship. The truth is the woman has way more power and influence in the dating, courting, and attraction phase of the relationship. Throughout history, in relationships where there is a ton of chemistry and connection it is the woman who sends the signal and chooses the man.

To get a guy’s attention, making eye contact and smiling may not be enough. If you want to be bold beckon him over with your finger. You can be proactive AND feminine.

The Over/ Under Challenge [10:57]

One of the biggest challenges in dating is when you feel attraction for another person you either overcompensate, or over demonstrate attraction for them. This is when a woman gushes over a man which is a total turn off. Men value what they earn so when a woman gushes too early it triggers something in a guy that makes them think the woman does it for everyone and therefore they are not special. It deflates the attraction.

The under is toxic to the attraction also. It's when a woman plays the ice queen as if they are not interested at all. Older and more successful women are more likely to act reserved. They may be afraid of getting hurt or they may not want to lead a guy on.

For a man to move things forward, a woman needs to demonstrate she is attracted to him. A woman's willingness to share her sexual attraction for a man is paramount. Sex is the main thing that differentiates a friendship from a romantic partnership.

Flirting doesn't mean you have to have sex with a man.
Flirting is not slutty.
Flirting is not manipulating.
Flirting is recognizing that you are ready for a romantic partner.

In the dating game everyone is playing the same game. Rejection shouldn't stop you from playing the dating game nor should it devastate you.

The 7 Sexy Habits that Drive a Guy Wild [20:44]

Key takeaways from this episode:

What flirting is and isn’t
What men need from a woman
Strategies for showing a guy you are interested without going overboard
How to express your sexual energy
How to say no to a guy if you are not interested in him

Driving Men Wild in the Time of #Metoo [2:36]

To get a guy’s attention, making eye contact and smiling may not be enough. If you want to be bold beckon him over with your finger. You can be proactive AND feminine.

The Over/ Under Challenge [10:57]

Flirting doesn't mean you have to have sex with a man.
Flirting is not slutty.
Flirting is not manipulating.
Flirting is recognizing that you are ready for a romantic partner.

In the dating game everyone is playing the same game. Rejection shouldn't stop you from playing the dating game nor should it devastate you.

The 7 Sexy Habits that Drive a Guy Wild [20:44]

Previous Episode

With Mark Waldman: The 10 Second Strategy to Train Your Brain to Create Connection with a High-Quality Guy

Marni welcomes Neuroscience Researcher and Creator of Neuroscience 101, Mark Waldman. Mark is the author of fourteen books including the national bestseller, How God Changes Your Brain, a book that was chosen by Oprah as a must-read. His work has been published in neuroscience and psychology journals, in Time and Forbes, and he is featured in many Youtube videos and a TEDx talk.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Why women make better leaders
An 10-second exercise to be calm instantly
How to control your runaway thoughts
How to prep your mind for a first date
A likely cause depression

Neurowisdom is the New Science of Brain Science [2:35]

Mark coined the term ‘neurowisdom’ for the time when we think we are being knowledgeable. Our brains have a thinking network, a salience network, and an imagination network. The salience network is stronger in women than in men. Empathy, intuition, compassion, and self-love traits can all be attributed to the salience network. When you stimulate the salience part of your brain you balance out your creative imagination and your ability to make wise decisions.

Men, on the other hand, have a larger amygdala, which is the threat center of the brain. Research suggests that this explains why men are more aggressive in general. The thinking brain is our conscious planning mind where we carry out tasks. Mark believes that women make better leaders, therapists, and parents because of their more developed salience network. If you have a female brain your social brain is more developed.

Research shows that all mammals can be born with a male or female body but the brain develops autonomously with different hormones. It explains a lot of the conflict around gender identity.

How to Create Connection & Intimacy by Optimizing Your Brain [12:08]

Are you aware of the term ‘hot-headed’? Mark says that yawning is a thermal regulatory mechanism for the brain. When you yawn more cerebral blood flow circulates in your imagination center. Yawning slows down all the chatter in the thinking part of the thinking brain.

While we can’t live full-time in the empathetic part of the brain, diving into a meditative state or any form of relaxed meditative practice stimulates your salience network. Any time you take a few seconds to sit back and observe all of your rambling thoughts and feelings inside, you are creating a balance between the three networks and your motivational network.

Mindfulness practices can make substantial structural changes within the brain. But to function better right now in the moment, brief forms of meditation have an immediate effect. To become aware in an instant, download the mindfulness clock and take 10-60 seconds at a time to do a mindful yawn. This can be done at work or right before a date.

80% of the time you can take someone who has intense pain and bring their pain down to zero or one with yawning in 20 minutes.

Creating a Mindful State Before a Date [35:56]

An important way to stay calm is to pay attention to your intuition and take your fingers and stroke the palm and fingers of your opposite palm. Take a full 60 seconds to do it and become aware of the sensation and daydream.

Your imagination center puts together all kinds of thoughts and combinations of what is possible to achieve a particular goal. When you are in a relaxed mindful state of awareness you can mix your inner knowledge with outer knowledge.

Next Episode

With Mike Goldstein: How You Can Stand Out and Successfully Date Online During the CoronaVirus Pandemic

The coronavirus pandemic has changed the way we live, work, and date but we all still crave connection and relationship. Our approach to dating apps and, dating in general, requires a gentle shift to accommodate the isolative guidelines. To inform us of how we can still find a high-quality man online and build more connection through a process of virtual dates Marni welcomes the #1 online dating expert in America, Mike Goldstein to the Den. Mike is a private dating coach, public speaker, and author. His work has been featured on the Today show and in Reader’s Digest.

Key takeaways from this episode:

Should you change your online profile to accommodate quarantine?
The step-by-step process of how to have a fun virtual date
How to create connection during the pandemic
How to use your time wisely by collecting data
How to find love in the time of corona

Dating During Distancing [2:32]

Mike and Marni both recommend staying away from the doom and gloom. You can keep yourself informed without drowning in the negative aspects of what is happening. You can let your circumstances dictate your vision or you can let your vision guide you during this time.

Marni thinks that for women this is an especially awesome time to do virtual dating. Mike says it's a great opportunity to use virtual dating to focus on connection. When dating or meeting someone new, women often want connection before sex. The pandemic and quarantine are forcing us to go through the dating process. It gives us the time to find out if you are compatible with the other person.

Make an effort to really get to know each other on your virtual dates.

Mike shares an example of how the corona pandemic is giving one of his clients the time she always wanted. Use your time wisely and ask yourself what your future self wants?

During the coronavirus pandemic, single men and women are craving connection because we are not getting it.

What has Changed with Virtual Dating During Corona? [10:21]

It is still recommended to follow Mike’s 50/12/1 strategy on Match.com, OK Cupid, or eHarmony. Send 50 messages to guys you are interested in, 12 will say yes, and then narrow it down to one. The new ‘pandemic’ process includes asking for a 15-minute Facetime/Zoom/Skype, etc. call. Even if the call is going great, get off the call at the 15-minute mark, Mike says. Setting a boundary will give you a sense of control.

The ‘pandemic’ dating process includes some tweaks:

Change your intro message. A good example is... "Would you like to hop on a virtual call to get to know each other?" If you felt a connection ask for a second virtual connection.

Your second virtual date should be limited to 1-hour or 90 minutes to get to know each other. Focus on having fun. Ladies, don’t hold back. If you think of a creative idea for a virtual date let him know. Be fun and playful but set a time boundary. It builds anticipation and leaves him wanting more.

If you believe the person has potential during the third virtual date get a copy of the 36 questions to fall in love. Mike recommends the questionnaire and says it's a great tool that really works. It makes for a fun, playful date.

Just because you are not going ‘out’ on a date, put your best foot forward. Men are visual. Dress the way that makes you feel the best!