How to Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Your Fullest Life With Lewis Howes
Explicit content warning
02/26/20 • 45 min
Lewis Howes is a lifestyle entrepreneur, high performance business coach, author and keynote speaker. A former professional football player and two-sport All-American, he is a current USA Men’s National Handball Team athlete. Lewis hosts The School of Greatness podcast, which has received millions of downloads since it launched in 2013.
Lewis was recognized by The White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30. He is a contributing writer for Entrepreneur and Yahoo.com and has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, Men’s Health, The Today Show and other major media outlets.
Favorite Success Quotes“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care”
Key Points1. Show that You Care
As men, we have a pathological need to feel important, to feel special, to feel powerful.
To fill this need, most of us walk through our lives searching for ways to make other people see how important we are.
We work ourselves to death at jobs that we hate so that we can afford to buy things we don’t need.
We stay in relationships that we should have left years ago because the person that we are dating is attractive and popular.
We live our lives for the approval and validation of others while forgetting one obvious truth.
No one cares.
Seriously... No one cares about how much money you have, how hot your girl friend is, or how many horsepower your car has.
The people in your life are struggling with plenty of trials and struggles as it is, do you really think they’re going to care that you bought a “Luxury Class” Mercedes instead of a Standard?
What people want and desperately need isn’t another person who’s caught up in their own lives.. What they need is someone who cares, someone who listens, someone who is real.
The people in your life are dying to connect, they are dying for someone who is real, they are dying for someone who genuinely cares about them and is willing to listen and be present.
If you really want to impress someone (which shouldn’t be your focus to begin with), then show them how much you care, don’t show them how much you have.
2. Vulnerability is the Key to Freedom
If you are reading this right now, then chances are good that you’ve been hurt. Some of you have been hurt so deeply and so profoundly that you have never shared your pain with another living soul.
And it sucks...
When you’ve experienced trauma and pain in your life, it’s easy to get stuck in your head, to become isolated and believe that you are alone or that no one would love you if they knew the truth.
In an effort to protect yourself and others, you put up a wall between yourself and the people that you love, closing yourself off from the people who care for you the most.
And then you let the pain sit inside of you and simmer.
Until one day, that simmer turns into a boil and you find yourself exploding in ways that you never thought possible.
Until one day, the wounds have become so deep and so painful that they change who you are.
This is the path that most men take...
Most men refuse to seek help, guidance of support in times of trauma and suffering. They think they have everything figured out and do their best to act the part.
But I’ll let you in on a little secret.... You are killing yourself and you are killing your relationships.
The past only has power over us so long as we allow it to.
When you are willing to embrace vulnerability, trust the people in your life, and open up about your deepest fears, regrets, and experiences, your whole life will change.
For Lewis, this meant opening up about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child.
For nearly 25 years, he’d kept the pain bottled inside until one day, it all came out on a basketball court and he got into a vicious fight with another player.
The encounter shocked and humbled him and made him realize that he needed to talk to someone and he needed to get help.
And so he did, he opened up to a select group of people about what had happened to him as a child and, much to his surprise, the response he received was nothing but love.
People told him that they could trust him more, that they felt more connected, and that they respected him on a deeper level because of the pain and trauma he experienced.
As time went on and he shared his truth with more and more people, he eventually arrived at a point in his life where he could share his story without feeling the pain in the same way.
Through sharing his authentic truth and being vulnerable, he healed the wounds of the past.
But what about you?
What are you holding onto that you need to let go? What pain has been keeping you back and weighing you down?
I want you to write that thing down right no...
Lewis Howes is a lifestyle entrepreneur, high performance business coach, author and keynote speaker. A former professional football player and two-sport All-American, he is a current USA Men’s National Handball Team athlete. Lewis hosts The School of Greatness podcast, which has received millions of downloads since it launched in 2013.
Lewis was recognized by The White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30. He is a contributing writer for Entrepreneur and Yahoo.com and has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, Men’s Health, The Today Show and other major media outlets.
Favorite Success Quotes“No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care”
Key Points1. Show that You Care
As men, we have a pathological need to feel important, to feel special, to feel powerful.
To fill this need, most of us walk through our lives searching for ways to make other people see how important we are.
We work ourselves to death at jobs that we hate so that we can afford to buy things we don’t need.
We stay in relationships that we should have left years ago because the person that we are dating is attractive and popular.
We live our lives for the approval and validation of others while forgetting one obvious truth.
No one cares.
Seriously... No one cares about how much money you have, how hot your girl friend is, or how many horsepower your car has.
The people in your life are struggling with plenty of trials and struggles as it is, do you really think they’re going to care that you bought a “Luxury Class” Mercedes instead of a Standard?
What people want and desperately need isn’t another person who’s caught up in their own lives.. What they need is someone who cares, someone who listens, someone who is real.
The people in your life are dying to connect, they are dying for someone who is real, they are dying for someone who genuinely cares about them and is willing to listen and be present.
If you really want to impress someone (which shouldn’t be your focus to begin with), then show them how much you care, don’t show them how much you have.
2. Vulnerability is the Key to Freedom
If you are reading this right now, then chances are good that you’ve been hurt. Some of you have been hurt so deeply and so profoundly that you have never shared your pain with another living soul.
And it sucks...
When you’ve experienced trauma and pain in your life, it’s easy to get stuck in your head, to become isolated and believe that you are alone or that no one would love you if they knew the truth.
In an effort to protect yourself and others, you put up a wall between yourself and the people that you love, closing yourself off from the people who care for you the most.
And then you let the pain sit inside of you and simmer.
Until one day, that simmer turns into a boil and you find yourself exploding in ways that you never thought possible.
Until one day, the wounds have become so deep and so painful that they change who you are.
This is the path that most men take...
Most men refuse to seek help, guidance of support in times of trauma and suffering. They think they have everything figured out and do their best to act the part.
But I’ll let you in on a little secret.... You are killing yourself and you are killing your relationships.
The past only has power over us so long as we allow it to.
When you are willing to embrace vulnerability, trust the people in your life, and open up about your deepest fears, regrets, and experiences, your whole life will change.
For Lewis, this meant opening up about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child.
For nearly 25 years, he’d kept the pain bottled inside until one day, it all came out on a basketball court and he got into a vicious fight with another player.
The encounter shocked and humbled him and made him realize that he needed to talk to someone and he needed to get help.
And so he did, he opened up to a select group of people about what had happened to him as a child and, much to his surprise, the response he received was nothing but love.
People told him that they could trust him more, that they felt more connected, and that they respected him on a deeper level because of the pain and trauma he experienced.
As time went on and he shared his truth with more and more people, he eventually arrived at a point in his life where he could share his story without feeling the pain in the same way.
Through sharing his authentic truth and being vulnerable, he healed the wounds of the past.
But what about you?
What are you holding onto that you need to let go? What pain has been keeping you back and weighing you down?
I want you to write that thing down right no...
Previous Episode
Seeking Excellence & the Return of the Peaceful Warrior With Dan Millman
Dan Millman is a former world champion athlete, university coach, martial arts instructor, and college professor.
After an intensive, twenty-year spiritual quest, Dan’s teaching found its form as the Peaceful Warrior’s Way, expressed fully in his books and lectures. His work continues to evolve over time, to meet the needs of a changing world.
Dan’s seventeen books, including Way of the Peaceful Warrior, have inspired and informed millions of readers in 29 languages worldwide. The feature film, “Peaceful Warrior,” starring Nick Nolte, was adapted from Dan’s first book, based upon incidents from his life.
Much of Dan’s time is devoted to writing and speaking. His keynotes, seminars, and workshops span the generations to influence men and women from all walks of life, including leaders in the fields of health, psychology, education, business, politics, sports, entertainment, and the arts.
Dan and his wife Joy live in Brooklyn, NY. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. You can connect with him and learn more at peacefulwarrior.com
Favorite Success Quote“Success is making progress towards a meaningful goal”
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
Key Points1. Seek Excellence Not Success
One of the most common mistakes that people make in their pursuit of happiness is that they seek success instead of seeking excellence.
Let me break down what this means...
Most people, especially the kinds of people who listen to this podcast and read this blog, are future and goal oriented.
We are laser-focused on the attainment of something, on the accomplishment of something sometime in the distant future.
But what we often forget is that these accomplishments for which we are striving are made up of individual pieces.
For example, no one can “Build a Business”.
A business is built by doing hundreds, maybe even thousands of small things well.
You don’t “Build” your dream body by doing one thing once. You build your dream body by doing thousands upon thousands of reps with perfect form.
And that is where your focus should be.
Yes, you must have compelling goals that push you forward and encourage you to perform at your best.
But you must always remember that every worthy goal is comprised of thousands and thousands of micro-actions that you must take in the present moment.
They are the product of committing to excellence in the present moment and maintaining that commitment year after year after year.
Focus on doing things with excellence and success will inevitably follow.
2. The Quality of Your Moments Becomes the Quality of Your Life
In the same way that many people mistakenly pursue success instead of pursuing excellence, many of us devote our lives to the pursuit of the “Good Life”.
We hustle, grind, and sacrifice so that, one day, we can finally be happy and enjoy a high quality of life.
We give up the things that are most important for an uncertain future that may or may not bring joy and fulfillment into our lives.
And by doing this, we forget to live our lives as they are happening.
We fail to realize that the “Good Life” is nothing more than a life filled with “Good Moments”.
If you want a good life, you must have good years. To have good years, you must have good months, weeks, and days.
And to have good days, you must have good moments.
You must learn to embrace where you are right now and enjoy the moment for all that it is.
Because the present moment is everything.
It’s all that you have.
There is no future.
There is no past.
There is only now.
So live in the now.
Cultivate those small moments of joy, happiness, and excellence. If you do this, I promise you that you will look back on your life with a smile, knowing that you lived it well.
3. Trust the Process of Your Life Unfolding
This if the 400th interview that I’ve conducted on the Knowledge for Men podcast and, after almost 4 years of interviewing top achievers, thinkers, and performers, I’ve noticed an interesting pattern.
Success, happiness, and fulfillment almost always exist on the other side of pain.
Grant Cardone was struggling with a drug addiction, broke, and unemployed before he found his future in sales and real estate.
Ryan Blair was involved in the most dangerous L.A. gangs almost sentenced to a decade of incarceration before he fell in love with entrepreneurship.
Next Episode
How to Opt Out of the Matrix and Opt Into a Life of Your Choosing with Nate Broughton
Nate Broughton is an internet marketing veteran of 17 years who specializes in lead generation and client acquisition. He’s built and sold four companies and been involved in several acquisitions with private equity firms. He’s now the leader of a movement and company called The Opt Out Life which teaches people all over the world how to design an amazing lifestyle centered around fun and experiences... While still making fantastic money in an industry they love.
Favorite Success Quote“Lifestyle before money. But money also.”
“If there’s a will there’s a way”
Key Points1. Focus on Lifestyle First and Money Second
Money is a tool.
In the right hands, it can serve as a force multiplier to help you live the life of your dreams, enjoy wild adventures, and create a lasting legacy.
However, when it’s your sole aim and purpose it will overtake your life and lead you down a dark and lonely road filled with regrets.
As such, Nate’s motto and entire company (opt-out life) is built on the ethos of “Lifestyle first but money also.”
In life, you will often be presented with two options.
- The lucrative option
- The lifestyle option
For example, Nate was offered an executive position with a multiple six-figure salary, a significant amount of equity, and great benefits.
The only problem is that the position required him to drive 60 minutes to and from work five days a week, sacrificing time with his young children and wife.
He turned it down in less than a minute.
Money is great and you should always seek to expand your income and create passive assets.
But it’s not everything.
If you find yourself working 80 hours a week to make multiple six figures you need to take a step back and ask yourself, “Is this really worth it?”
Is this how you want to live your life?
2. Get Creative to Achieve Your Dreams
Where there’s a will there’s a way.
Cliche, I know. But it’s true.
Whatever goal you want to achieve, whether it’s making a certain amount of money, improving your body, or finding the partner of your dreams, is ahievable. IF you’re willing to get creative and find unconventional roads to success.
A great example that Nate shared in the interview is how his business partner moved his family from an inexpensive inland suburb to the exclusive coast of Lajolla.
Even though his partner couldn’t afford the mortgage on the house he wanted, he got creative, found a property with a guest home and then rented the home out while simultaneously renting the casita in the back yard.
The result? He cut the rent payments in half and ended up spending roughly the same amount as his previous mortgage.
If you’re willing to get creative, there’s nothing that you can’t do, be, or achieve.
But you must be willing to think outside of the box and cut yourself off from any possibility of failure.
3. Know When to Hold ‘Em and When to Fold ‘Em
You are going to have to make tough decisions in life.
It’s simply a part of the human existence.
And oftentimes, the most important decision that you will make is not whether or not you should start something, but whether or not you should stay with something.
Whether it’s a relationship, career, business, or just a boring ‘ol workout program, you must understand when a particular endeavor has run its course and when there is still something of value to be gained.
Nate has grown and sold several businesses, and he’s found that there’s a critical tipping point in each business (typically when it hits $5,000,000 in revenue) where he begins to burn out and lose interest.
Instead of fighting this, he’s adopted the “Serial Entrepreneur” approach and will sell his equity or the entire business, once a project passes a certain revenue threshold.
Here’s the deal...
Life is short. And there are thousands of things that we all want to try out and we have no way of knowing if they’re worth our time until we step up to the plate and swing.
But once you’ve been in the game for a while, you need to honestly evaluate your pursuits and ask yourself the simple question, “Is this serving me at the highest level?”
If the answer is “No” then cut your losses and move on... IMMEDIATELY.
4. Understand the Seasons of Life (And How they Impact Your Priorities)
It’s funny to me how often I have young men reaching out to me in their early 20’s bemoaning the fact that they have no money and no clue what they want to do with their lives.
I always have to chuckle at these messages, because these guys are missing the point.
You aren’t supposed to be super wealthy and on purpose right out of the gate!
...If you like this episode you’ll love
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