It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Histrionic Personality Disorder. It’s all about the drama.

Drama abounds online, on television, in movies, and in everyday life. But have you been around a person who is all drama all the time? With loads of storytelling and emotional persuasion? You may have been around someone with a histrionic high conflict personality.

This type of personality is driven by an intense need to be the center of attention, and when they aren’t, the blame and anger begin. But in the beginning, you may have been charmed by their sometimes flirtatious behavior (not all are this way) and later experienced and been exhausted by their non-stop drama and attention-seeking. Bill and Megan discuss the histrionic high conflict personality type, including:

• Their need to be the center of attention and fear of feeling ignored
• The differences between a self-absorbed person and someone with histrionic high conflict personality traits and behaviors
• Why they exhaust those around them and how others experience their high conflict behaviors
• How to spot them
• Statistics on Histrionic Personality Disorder and histrionic HCPs in the U.S.

Understanding and dealing with Histrionic HCPs takes time, but learning about their fear-based operating system as well as learning a few simple skills – like setting limits – will help calm your life and prevent you from burning out.

If you’ve spent much time around someone with a histrionic high conflict personality, you know how exhausting interactions with them can be. Plus, their M.O. in life is it’s all about me, creating lop-sided relationships and one-way interactions. Setting limits is a key skill in turning that around. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now.

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Links & Other Notes

Books:

• It’s All Your Fault
• 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

Conflict Communication Series

• Calming Upset People with EAR
• BIFF
• BIFF for CoParent Communication
• BIFF at Work
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.

On Demand Courses:

• Calming Upset People with an EAR StatementTM
• How to Write a BIFF Response®

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

You can also find these show notes on our website as well.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (02:50) - Histrionic Personality Disorders
• (04:30) - What Is Histrionic Personality Disorder?
• (07:27) - Superficial Speech
• (10:07) - Histrionic Fear
• (11:55) - How Does It Develop
• (13:49) - Helping Your Children Avoid Becoming Histrionic
• (16:35) - Stats
• (18:59) - When In a Relationship With a Histrionic
• (20:10) - In Romantic Relationship
• (21:46) - In the Workplace
• (23:09) - In Summary & Tips
• (24:21) - Common Areas
• (25:49) - Persuasive
• (27:07) - Histrionic vs. the Other Four Types
• (28:02) - Wrapping Up
• (28:48) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Paranoid

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

More Listener Questions!

In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on high-conflict topics that matter to you, including:

• How do you stop a high conflict person from calling state authorities on you? No prosecutor will charge my ex with filing a false police report. I'm already suing in civil court for damages, but this outcome will take years to conclude and she's still making threats to call the police.
• Is minimizing contact with an HCP ever acceptable? Are there any circumstances where it might actually be what you would recommend? What is your take on long term abuse of power, and whether or not it’s ever ok to draw a line and say, “I’m just going to go minimal contact so I can maximize the energy I can spend with our kids”?
• Can you discuss how high conflict people may present and not normally yell and scream or argue?

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids
  • High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
• ARTICLE
  • Quick Tips for Controlling Communications with a Hostile Ex
• COURSE
  • New Ways for Families: Parenting Without Conflict (for court-ordered mandatory parent education requirement)
  • New Ways for Families + coaching
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (02:22) - Minimizing Conflict with HCPs
• (09:37) - More Than Just Yelling and Arguing
• (13:47) - When They Blame You
• (18:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle questions from grandparents struggling to support grandchildren amidst high conflict co-parents.

Protecting Kids from Raging Co-Parents

First, they advise how grandparents can help shield kids from a raging, unstable parent. Recommendations include teaching emotional regulation, self-checking, and conflict management skills. Stay positive about the high conflict parent.

Co-Parenting with a Difficult Ex Long-Term

Next is guidance for co-parenting long-term with a high conflict, accusatory ex. Bill emphasizes staying calm, balanced, and solution-focused. Praise successes. Accept the limitations on your role as a grandparent.

Getting an Expert Evaluation for Court

Then Bill explains why expert testimony is critical for custody cases with a parent with tendencies like factitious disorder or personality disorders. Experts can explain the need for detailed custody orders.

Minimizing Damage as Kids Grow Up

Finally, they discuss how to minimize damage as kids mature and become more aware of a high conflict parent’s extreme behaviors. Expose kids to reasonable role models and encourage their insights.

Key Takeaways:

• Teach kids emotional regulation and critical thinking
• Stay positive about the high conflict parent
• Get expert testimony for custody cases
• Accept your limited role as a grandparent
• Focus on providing stability

The key is accepting your limited role as a grandparent, focusing on your own behavior, and providing a stabilizing presence for grandchildren. Get support from other grandparents going through similar challenges.

Links & Other Notes:

• COURSES
  • Erasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
  • Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s Brain
  • New Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting)
• BOOKS
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce
  • New Ways for Families: Professional Guidebook
  • New Ways for Families: Parent Workbook
  • High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide
  • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
• VIDEOS
  • The Primitive Emotional Power of Alienation
  • Alienation is Not Normal
  • Overcoming the Contagious Emotions of Alienation
• ARTICLES
  • Is Your Child Alienated?
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:34) - Grandparents and High Conflict
• (00:58) - Question One
• (16:18) - Question Two
• (22:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Workplace Conflict

Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

DNA Surprises: Navigating Complex Family Discoveries and High Conflict Situations

In this compelling episode, Bill and Megan welcome Kara Rubenstein Deyerin, founder of Right to Know, to explore how DNA testing revelations can trigger high conflict situations within families. After discovering her own misattributed parentage through a DNA test, Kara became an advocate for genetic identity rights and established resources for helping families navigate these potentially volatile situations.

The conversation examines how DNA surprises often intersect with high conflict personalities and complex family dynamics. Bill and Megan explore ways to manage expectations and set healthy boundaries when genetics reveal unexpected connections. Studies show approximately 10% of the population may have misattributed parentage, creating numerous opportunities for both healing and conflict within family systems.

Through personal stories and professional insights, the episode addresses strategies for handling emotional reactions, rejection, and complex family dynamics. The discussion covers various scenarios—from adoption and donor conception to cases of misattributed paternity—while offering practical guidance for managing high conflict responses and maintaining emotional well-being during these discoveries.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How do you manage high conflict reactions to DNA surprises?
• What strategies help when navigating rejection from genetic relatives?
• How can you set healthy boundaries with newly discovered family?
• What resources exist for handling complex family dynamics?
• How do you protect your emotional well-being during this process?

Key Takeaways:

• Support networks are crucial when managing high conflict situations
• Setting clear boundaries helps navigate complex family dynamics
• The emotional impact affects both original and newly discovered family members
• Processing genetic discoveries is an ongoing journey
• 95% of people ultimately feel knowing the truth was beneficial

This episode offers valuable insights for anyone affected by unexpected genetic discoveries while providing practical strategies for managing high conflict responses. Through compassionate discussion and expert guidance, listeners will better understand how to navigate these complex family situations while maintaining their emotional health and establishing appropriate boundaries.

Links & Other Notes

RIGHT TO KNOW WEBSITE

• https://righttoknow.us/

UNTANGLING YOUR ROOTS CONFERENCE

• https://untanglingourroots.org/

CLASSES

• Conflict InfluencerTM Class

BOOKS

• List of books from Right to Know website
• Dating Radar

ARTICLES

• Read Michele’s blog

OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:46) - Meet Kara Rubenstein Deyerin
• (03:19) - Right to Know
• (08:08) - Kara’s Story
• (09:51) - Scenarios and Genetic Mirroring
• (11:29) - Commonality
• (12:44) - Limits
• (17:49) - Legal Implications
• (20:55) - Accurate Paperwork
• (21:54) - Changing Perceptions
• (24:00) - Healing and Grieving
• (27:06) - Opportunities for Conflict
• (29:34) - Mistakes
• (30:44) - The Experience
• (31:55) - Support Groups
• (36:46) - Rejection
• (37:55) - Choosing Your Family
• (40:49) - Ever Wish You Hadn’t Known
• (42:45) - Last Thoughts
• (45:15) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: When Someone You Love Has an HCP

Learn more abo...

Surviving Academia: Navigating High Conflict Personalities in Higher Education

In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," the fourth installment of the Bringing It to Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle the unique challenges of dealing with high conflict individuals in academia. Drawing from a listener's question about a bullying boss in a university setting, Bill and Megan explore the dynamics of toxic work environments in higher education and provide strategies for navigating these treacherous waters.

The Ivory Tower's Dirty Secret: High Conflict Personalities in Academia

Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of high conflict personalities in academia, noting that the tolerant and helping nature of the industry can attract and enable difficult individuals. They highlight the specific challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors, as well as the emotional toll this takes on colleagues and the institution as a whole.

Navigating the Minefield: Strategies for Dealing with High Conflict Colleagues in Higher Education

Bill introduces the CARS method – Connect, Analyze options, Respond, and Set limits – as a framework for managing interactions with high conflict individuals in academic settings. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, providing useful information without arguing, and imposing consequences when necessary, while acknowledging the limitations of individual action in the face of institutional tolerance.

The Delicate Dance of Leaving a Toxic Academic Environment

Bill and Megan address the challenges of leaving an academic position due to a high conflict colleague, particularly in the context of an exit interview. They discuss the potential risks of speaking openly about the reasons for departure, the judgment calls involved in deciding what to share, and the importance of securing another position before leaving.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• Why do high conflict personalities seem to thrive in academia?
• How can I manage interactions with a high conflict colleague in a university setting?
• What are the unique challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors?
• How can I navigate leaving an academic position due to a toxic work environment?

Key Takeaways:

• Academia's tolerant and helping nature can attract and enable high conflict personalities
• The CARS method provides a framework for managing interactions with difficult colleagues in higher education
• Individual action may be limited in the face of institutional tolerance of high conflict behaviors
• Carefully consider the risks and benefits of sharing reasons for leaving in an academic exit interview
• Secure another position before leaving an academic job due to a high conflict colleague

This episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone navigating the complex world of high conflict personalities in academia. By understanding the unique dynamics at play in higher education and employing the techniques discussed by Bill and Megan, listeners can better protect themselves and their careers while working in this challenging environment.

Links & Other Notes

• COURSES
  • New Ways for Work® Coaches Training
  • Conflict InfluencerTM
• BOOKS
  • Our New World of Adult Bullies(publishes June 2024)
  • BIFF at Work
  • It’s All Your Fault at Work
  • New Ways for Work® Coaching Manual
• ARTICLES
  • The CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict Situations
  • How To Write A BIFF Response®
  •