It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Introducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)

In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.

Understanding High Conflict Personalities
Bill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.

Navigating Relationships with High Conflict Individuals
Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?
• What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?
• How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?
• What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?
• What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?

Key Takeaways:

• The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.
• High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.
• Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.
• Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.
• Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.

Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.

Links & Other Notes

• BOOKS
  • 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
• ARTICLES
  • Who Are High-Conflict People?
  • The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
  • Five Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.
  • Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict People
• COURSES
  • Courses for professional training
  • Courses for individuals
  • Conflict Influencer Class (live virtual)
• OUR WEBSIT...

In the second part of their conversation with Amanda Smith, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by families of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They discuss the importance of education, self-care, and strategies for navigating high conflict situations.

The Importance of Family Support and Self-Care
Amanda emphasizes the significance of family support and education in the long-term success of individuals with BPD. She highlights the positive impact of informed and understanding family members and the importance of self-care for those living with someone with BPD. Amanda encourages family members to prioritize their well-being, serving as positive role models for their loved ones.

Navigating Fear and Creating Safety Plans
Megan raises the issue of fear that many family members experience when their loved one with BPD engages in self-harm or expresses suicidal thoughts. Amanda suggests creating safety plans and checklists to help families navigate crisis situations and feel more prepared to prioritize physical, environmental, and relational safety.

Questions we answer in this episode:

• How can family support contribute to the success of individuals with BPD?
• What strategies can families use to find common ground?
• How can family members prioritize self-care while supporting their loved one?
• What steps can families take to address fear and create safety plans?

Key Takeaways:

• Family support and education play a crucial role in the long-term success of individuals with BPD.
• Prioritizing self-care is essential for family members to effectively support their loved one.
• Creating safety plans can empower families to handle crisis situations.
• Seeking support from trained therapists is important for healthy recovery.

This episode offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for families affected by Borderline Personality Disorder. Listeners will gain the tools necessary to support their loved ones while maintaining their own well-being.

Links & Other Notes

GUEST

• Amanda Smith, LCSW

BOOKS

• • The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families
  • The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner
  • The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder

COURSE

• • Online Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda Smith

ORGANIZATIONS

• • Hope for BPD
  • National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
  • Mind.org.uk
  • Australia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)

ARTICLES

• • 7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder
  • The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality Disorders

OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.

They provide tips across three common scenarios:

• Co-parenting after divorce: Look to standards or common practices as a starting point. Focus on protecting the children and not discussing certain topics in front of them. You can only control your own behavior - walk away if tensions escalate.
• Workplace conflicts: Practice using the BIF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) method in emails or conversations. Don't engage in unnecessary battles - end conversations if needed.
• Suspected lies: Always consider three perspectives - it could be true, false, or somewhere in between. Don't react emotionally or you may become a target of blame. Reality test tactfully if needed.

Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.

Links & Other Notes

• LIVE LAB: 1:1 coaching to learn skills (setting limits, BIFF Responses, CalmB4Think)
• ARTICLE: 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries
• ARTICLE: Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give ‘Em Your EAR
• ARTICLE: 4 Ways to Set Limits at Work
• COURSE: Conflict InfluencerTM Certification
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle questions from grandparents struggling to support grandchildren amidst high conflict co-parents.

Protecting Kids from Raging Co-Parents

First, they advise how grandparents can help shield kids from a raging, unstable parent. Recommendations include teaching emotional regulation, self-checking, and conflict management skills. Stay positive about the high conflict parent.

Co-Parenting with a Difficult Ex Long-Term

Next is guidance for co-parenting long-term with a high conflict, accusatory ex. Bill emphasizes staying calm, balanced, and solution-focused. Praise successes. Accept the limitations on your role as a grandparent.

Getting an Expert Evaluation for Court

Then Bill explains why expert testimony is critical for custody cases with a parent with tendencies like factitious disorder or personality disorders. Experts can explain the need for detailed custody orders.

Minimizing Damage as Kids Grow Up

Finally, they discuss how to minimize damage as kids mature and become more aware of a high conflict parent’s extreme behaviors. Expose kids to reasonable role models and encourage their insights.

Key Takeaways:

• Teach kids emotional regulation and critical thinking
• Stay positive about the high conflict parent
• Get expert testimony for custody cases
• Accept your limited role as a grandparent
• Focus on providing stability

The key is accepting your limited role as a grandparent, focusing on your own behavior, and providing a stabilizing presence for grandchildren. Get support from other grandparents going through similar challenges.

Links & Other Notes:

• COURSES
  • Erasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
  • Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s Brain
  • New Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting)
• BOOKS
  • Don’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce
  • New Ways for Families: Professional Guidebook
  • New Ways for Families: Parent Workbook
  • High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide
  • Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
• VIDEOS
  • The Primitive Emotional Power of Alienation
  • Alienation is Not Normal
  • Overcoming the Contagious Emotions of Alienation
• ARTICLES
  • Is Your Child Alienated?
• Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
• Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
• You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

If you aren’t sure whether you’ve met a narcissist, think back to an interaction in which you went away feeling small, inadequate or even insecure. It’s possible that you may have been around someone with a narcissistic personality. They are often puffed up about themselves and get triggered when they aren’t getting the attention they think they deserve... or are entitled to. Then they go into action, making those around them feel small.

But did you know they are also the Great Dividers? Although it may sound straightforward, it’s often confusing to those around them because they can be the life of the party, bringing people together, which is quite opposite from being a divider.
In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:

• why narcissistic HCPs divide people
• how it manifests in 4 settings: family, politics, healthcare, and the workplace
• why we don’t see it coming and why we fall for their charm in the beginning
• ways to address and prevent succumbing to division
• how to handle email communications with narcissistic HCPs

Links & Other Notes

BOOKS

• It’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People
• High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
• 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
• Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

ARTICLES

• Is Personality Awareness the Next Big Thing?
• Narcissistic High Conflict People
• Narcissist in Your Family? 4 Tips for Dealing with Them

Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.