Episode 163 - Never Going There Again

Explicit content warning

01/10/20 • 112 min

Well, we've started the year off with a bang, quite literally. Good thing we've got the newly minted Space Force to get a leg up on those dirty [insert brown people here]. So grab your anti-grav suit, smart pistol, and A.I. helmet and GET OUT THERE MAGGOTS WHILE YOU LISTEN TO TAB AND TIM BICKER ABOUT:

Caring About the Middle East
* Handling it with Memes
* "It's For the Kids"
* One Bad Experience

America loves cops. Absolutely adores them. In fact America loves cops so much she decided to become one. That's right, Sergeant America reporting for duty, sir! Sgt. America, your duty should you choose to accept it is to monitor the world for third-world, non-democratic regimes and BLAST THEM INTO OBLIVION, MAKE THEM HATE YOU, then give them a deputy's badge they don't want. Don't worry, this wont create any sort of extremist resistance force, that's impossible.

Meme away the fear, meme away the sadness, and meme away anything else that doesn't make you feel good. And for good measure, meme away those that do. Good job millennials, you've created a monster that the Zoomers have now adopted as their mascot and way of life. I guess there's worse ways to deflect the news that you're going to war in a few weeks. Good luck, kids.

There are very few things stronger than the love the public has for children. You want anything banned or censored, let a kid die from it. Road needs a crossing walk for 20 years, as soon as a kid is hit you'll get it by the end of the week. Not a fan of vaping? Give your kid some Chinese Viper Xtreme blend and watch him bleed his eyes out, then you can make the government do whatever you want! Unless it's guns.

It's amazing how something can go from innocuous to a cornerstone of your personal hatred. Everybody has had some terrible experience that made them go cold turkey. Whether it's a piece of technology, a brand, a delicious indian-chinese fusion restaurant, or something else, you're not alone, and you're not wrong (unless you're Tab).

All this and more on this week's episode, like the actual first voicemail of 2020! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Caring About the Middle East
* Handling it with Memes
* "It's For the Kids"
* One Bad Experience

All this and more on this week's episode, like the actual first voicemail of 2020! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Previous Episode

Episode 162 - New Year, Same 'Cast

They say hindsight is always 20/20, but you know what's not always 20/20? The year! That's right! It's finally 2020, which means it's officialy THE FUTURETM! And what, pray tell, is HWIDG going to be like in The FutureTM? Pretty much the same! So head to the gym for your first and last time this year and while you're pumping iron, listen to us bitch about:

Pull-Out Sofa Beds
* Non-Stock Android
* Getting Back to It
* Future Half-steps

Pull-out beds represent everything we at HWIDG stand against. Namely, pulling out. But also, noise, discomfort, and thin mattresses. Why wast your time and health on this squeaky metal contraption that will probably eat you in your sleep when there's a perfectly good sofa right there? And god help you moving the damn thing, might as well be moving Arnold Schwarzenegger's weights collection from 1975 all at once.

Bloatware, pre-installed apps, whatever you want to call them, we've all dealt with them on our phones and tablets. Why would someone want to use Google's App Store when they can use Samsung's or Amazon's? Probably because THEY MAKE THE OS. And you know what else you definitely need? Your service provider's app store, and their own ad-blocker, and their hotspot app, and their "entertainment hub', and their news service, and you phone manufacturer's app store and *their* ad-blocker that thinks the other ad-blocker is a virus, and to top it all off their own update app to update all of them.

Well, New Years is over, time to get back to it. Work, school, whatever it is you do, within the next week or two you're gonna be doing it again. And that looming feeling of it sure can give you the blues. Our suggestion? Just take another vacation! be that cool kid who doesn't show up for the first two weeks of school because you're on a cruise or backpacking through the jungle. Then you won't have time to be depressed when either terrorists hijack the ship or you're being mauled by a tiger!

The problem with the future is that it's never *now*. We like to say it is, but we're a long way off from Star Trek. Like, we don't have flying cars, and though I personally don't think we'll ever have them, that's a future thing. We do have KITT from Knight Rider, and we're on the verge of car-drones, but those are lame steps to whatever our future daily travel is. We've got robots that do our shopping for us! Kinda. There's still a lot of humans involved in the whole process, another half-step. BOO HUMANS, I WANT ROBOTS.

All this and more on this week's episode, like the first voicemail of 2020! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Next Episode

Episode 164 - Progressive Hot-Dog Water feat. Isaac Jackson

Just another day, another podcast. Except this time we're in the MILE HIGH PODCAST CLUB. That's right, we're coming to you live from a plane just out of LAX, and we've got full access to the cockpit! We could do a barrel roll! Amazing! We could do a loop-de-loop! We could even dump some fuel! DUMP IT, TODD! We should do this more often, there's absolutely no way this could go wrong, so buckle up, put your tray table up, and listen to these issues:

Big UI
* Race Relations
* It's Not For You... It's For Kids

Remember the good ol' days, back when you didn't need reading glasses, and you could focus on more than one thing at a time, and your grandkids were cute little babies and not pre-teen monsters? Oh, you're not an old person? Then why the hell are the icons on your phone so big? It takes you 56 swipes to get through your app drawer. Oh, it came like that. Because screw productivity.

We've gone past racism into tolerance and past that back into racism. We've gone from "I don't see color" to "every color is a precious Faberge egg THAT CANNOT BE TOUCHED". Plus, we've so ripped open the meaning of the word racism, that if you don't have every possible race/gender combination in a group of people, you're a bigot. No, I don't have any Mongolian-American friends, and in 2020 that makes me a racist!

Kids are entertained easily. Bright colors, music, lots of movement, it doesn't take much. That doesn't mean their entertainment needs to be bad though. Parents are going to be watching it along with them anyways, so make something that doesn't have to be spectacular high art, but enjoyable enough that they can look back on it fondly and not be horrified when they look back on it in 15 years. And if you want to update Star Trek: The Next Generation, but as a wacky gross-out cartoon, don't.

All this and more on this week's episode, full of REAL TALK. Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!