Sacred Sisterhood

Explicit content warning

10/18/23 • 31 min

Healing Codependency is a six-part deeply personal podcast series that will offer you an intimate look at how and why I am the woman I am today. In this episode, I’ll get personal about my journey from feeling completely unsafe and female relationships to leaning into and trusting the totality of Sacred Sisterhood.

I spent over 20 years finding female friendships very confusing and very scary. The moment I learned about my biological dad changed the way I saw the world. Mix that with feeling “too much” — too loud, too big, too over the top — I chose to surround myself with men.

I share the feeling of experiencing my first entry point into female friendship, and how finding female community and union in different spaces allowed me to open up to others and experience love. When I met my sister soulmate (of 20 years), it was a launch pad for true, unconditional love. But in my decision to get sober, I was afraid that everything I attached to would be gone. I was worried that if I stopped drinking the fun would be over and somehow the love would leave. . What I learned is that choosing my health and happiness didn’t take away from our love or relationship. This was Sacred Sisterhood.

In the framework of codependency, being “too much” means that someone doesn’t know what to do in the presence of you. The opposite of that is realizing that there is space for all of us to be exactly who we are. Unconditional love is present, regardless.

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered:

How learning about my biological dad changed the way I saw the world
Survival mechanisms when caretakers aren’t emotionally regulated
The change I experienced from surrounding myself with true female community
How female relationships in my teens reflected that I was “too much”
The reassurance of intertwined, beautiful, platonic sisterhood
How the “Too Much” twins allowed me to become the female friend I always wanted to be
Pregnancy, sobriety, and realizing I could still choose and give love
The lesson that there is space for everybody to be fully themselves

Get in touch:

Credit:

Sponsored by Supah Star Dark Chocolate Superfood Bars and Godseye Oils
Podcast Production by Media Midwife Ahri Golden
Podcast art by Megan Schiller

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered:

How learning about my biological dad changed the way I saw the world
Survival mechanisms when caretakers aren’t emotionally regulated
The change I experienced from surrounding myself with true female community
How female relationships in my teens reflected that I was “too much”
The reassurance of intertwined, beautiful, platonic sisterhood
How the “Too Much” twins allowed me to become the female friend I always wanted to be
Pregnancy, sobriety, and realizing I could still choose and give love
The lesson that there is space for everybody to be fully themselves

Get in touch:

Credit:

Sponsored by Supah Star Dark Chocolate Superfood Bars and Godseye Oils
Podcast Production by Media Midwife Ahri Golden
Podcast art by Megan Schiller

Previous Episode

Stop Lyin’

Healing Codependency is a six-part deeply personal podcast series that will offer you an intimate look at how and why I am the woman I am today. In this episode, I’ll share how living a lie, and eventually learning the truth, became the foundation of my life and work. The journey to the truth is where all the good stuff is.

The beginning of the lies — well, the embodiment and normalization of the lies — began in 3rd grade when I learned that I had a different biological dad. The big hovering secret my parents held onto was in fact, related to me feeling slightly disconnected from my family structure.

I share how I held on to this lie for 12 years until the day my stepdad left my mom. The eruption of emotion from my parents and myself, allowed space for the lie about my biological dad to unveil itself. I can’t deny that it came from a place of punishment and an inability to process my feelings at the time, but I was on a trajectory of the truth. I illustrate how connecting with my paternal family was a visceral homecoming of love — the truth set me free into the warmth of a family waiting to meet me. I have gratitude for every emotion that moves through me in the process, and I learned that love is available at all times.

Because of these feelings, I am now committed to a life of truth. I can’t fool myself like I used to — I am way more invested in the feeling of satisfaction and alignment that truth offers me. Regardless of who you are in this world, you can always change course. Curiosity and discovery of the truth are wonderful places to start.

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered:

The memory of asking my mom if I was adopted
Going through childhood and teen years holding on to a lie
Unveiling the lie in the face of my stepdad leaving
Seeing photos of my biological father for the first time
The visceral feeling of connecting with my paternal grandmother
Gratitude for the beautiful, strange, and remarkable story of mine
How we each have the ability to choose truth at any time

Get in touch:

Credit:

Sponsored by Supah Star Dark Chocolate Superfood Bars and Godseye Oils
Podcast Production by Media Midwife Ahri Golden
Podcast art by Megan Schiller

Next Episode

Forget About It

Healing Codependency is a six-part deeply personal podcast series that will offer you an intimate look at how and why I am the woman I am today. In this episode, I’ll share how letting go of the position to get back at my dad allowed me to see the love that was always there.

I witnessed my parents get divorced over my dad’s infidelity. After that, I stopped speaking to my dad. I was determined to find a way to “get back at him.” Eventually, I shut it all down and became someone who labeled themselves as having “no dad.” It wasn’t until 2004 — 10 years later — that I started trying to remember what I was even mad about.

I share the feeling of allegiance to my mom and how that pain caused me to express resentment and hate toward my dad, and suppress love in the process. I illustrate our first conversation in a decade during my brother’s wedding and how there was so much relief in that moment — I realized it took so much time and energy to be mad at him. I share how we began to heal our relationship, including him joining my whole family at my wedding. I also share the last conversation we had before he died, and how that created a beautiful shift in my perspective about our relationship.

During the 10 years that I didn’t speak to my dad, I had to actively ignore the love and pretend it didn’t exist. I now understand that my allegiance to my mom was my codependent creation that I thought was love, but it was actually the opposite. While painful, my dad and I were able to open love back up. At one point, I didn’t actually believe it or feel it, but the love stays. Being right is an illusion. Love is all that matters.

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered: