004: Bedtime Routines, Plans vs. Needs, and Being Intentional

01/21/19 • 27 min

Normally Ryan takes our 3-Year-Old Liam out for a walk every night in the stroller on a “Daddy Date”. They run some errands, grab some groceries, then by the time they get home, Liam is asleep. No drama. Zero wrestling.

We recently returned from a trip, where we had been able to get Liam to lay down and go to sleep in a new bed without the stroller ride. Now back in LA, we are seeing if we can transition to this new routine at home!

At first it did not go over very well. Liam broke down into tears because he wanted to go on the “Daddy-Date”. The next night, we decided to prep him ahead of time and let him know how the bed time routine was going to go. And it worked!

Ryan did have to wrestle through several delay tactics— multiple trips to the bathroom. Including one trip where he had a “poop” family which he named after mommy and daddy. Flattering.

Ryan started to get frustrated that Liam would not go to sleep. He would not get off the toilet. Rebekah suggests bribing him off with chocolate...right before bedtime...

Rebekah shares how she let Liam get himself dressed for bed by himself, which gave him ownership of the bedtime process. Win!

We discuss how Rebekah is way more patient than Ryan. As a kid, she used to sit until humming birds would land on her. Ryan tells a story about how they lured squirrels to their back door with nuts. Which was great until one bit his grandmother. Squirrels are not your friend.

*** We have to take a small break due to a crying baby ***

We are still learning how to pivot when we have plans but our kids have needs. Plans vs. Needs....a non-stop issue that we need to adjust to.

There is a culture out there that says our kids are in the way of us having a great life. We are excited to have our kids and we are trying to figure out how to do life with them.

Sometimes we have grownup things we need to take care of. Ryan could work from home, but does not, because it would be more difficult for Liam who would not understand why dad can’t pay attention to him.

Rebekah is launching a new company called “Your Generous Home” (www.yourgeneroushome.com). This would potentially allow for our family to spend more time together.

Rebekah and Ryan are both type B personalities, so it is easy to want kick back and relax and let things happen. We have to choose to be intentional and give our children the attention they deserve. We have to be intentional as parents with our time. Sometimes that means we do things along side our kids, sometimes that means we do it on our own. That could mean finding space outside of home, or even staying up late.

We are young in our marriage with young kids (we’ve been married almost 6 years) and we are still learning what is important to us. Ryan talks about how “Freedom” is important to him. He values the ability to choose what to do with his time. It’s not where we are, but what we are working toward. We are still learning how to re-adjust and be flexible.

Send us your questions or leave comments. We want to hear your experiences as parents!

Ryan did have to wrestle through several delay tactics— multiple trips to the bathroom. Including one trip where he had a “poop” family which he named after mommy and daddy. Flattering.

Ryan started to get frustrated that Liam would not go to sleep. He would not get off the toilet. Rebekah suggests bribing him off with chocolate...right before bedtime...

Rebekah shares how she let Liam get himself dressed for bed by himself, which gave him ownership of the bedtime process. Win!

*** We have to take a small break due to a crying baby ***

We are still learning how to pivot when we have plans but our kids have needs. Plans vs. Needs....a non-stop issue that we need to adjust to.

There is a culture out there that says our kids are in the way of us having a great life. We are excited to have our kids and we are trying to figure out how to do life with them.

Rebekah is launching a new company called “Your Generous Home” (www.yourgeneroushome.com). This would potentially allow for our family to spend more time together.

Send us your questions or leave comments. We want to hear your experiences as parents!

Previous Episode

003: Chore Charts, Robot Karate, and Toddlers at Bedtime

The Chore Chart: a new strategy we are considering since our 3 year old gets a huge sense of accomplishment when he does something by himself.

Ryan shares about his memories of the family chore chart when he was growing up.

***Our 8 month old Ari is awake and with us, squeaking into the microphone.***

We share what Liam loves to clean up including his many different “train tracks”, Ryan puts Rebekah on the spot and has her sing the "In The Bag" clean up song that she uses to inspire Liam to clean. (See Disney's "In The Bag" here)

How do we get things to be less clutter around the house? We get Liam to help us in the cleaning.

Ryan talks about how he built a tower with Liam, who refused to let Ryan knock it down while filming in slow motion. Ryan decided to play “Robot” with Liam, and attempted to karate-chop the tower down, but Liam would take off after Ryan, shouting “No!!! No!!!!” then poke Ryan (like pressing a robot button) which stopped the Robot. Then we’d declare that “Liam Saved The Day!”

Ryan talks about how he is so tired at night and it is hard to play with the kids. He tries to engage with the kids, but gets exhausted after only a few minutes.

Rebekah talks about how exhausting it is to do simple errands during the day because she has to get both kids ready to go out.

We realized that Liam is confused and very concerned when we tell him we are “pooped”...

We talk about how our energy is not the same as it was in our 20’s...

One solution Ryan has come up with in the evenings is, owning the fact that he is tired and just picking one thing to do with Liam. Including watching some videos with him — not the best advice — but it does allow us to connect.

We discuss how Liam learning to put on his own “jammies” at night could be a game changer, because getting him dressed for bed is an exhausting endeavor.

Thought of the day from Rebekah: Give your kids something to accomplish.

Thought of the day from Ryan: Don’t judge yourself.

Next Episode

005: We Are Not Our Kids, Playing Inside vs. Outside, Parenting Pet-Peeves

Rebekah brings up a quote “Dear God please let me not raise the child that I was, or the child I wish I had, but let me raise the child that I have”...It had never crossed her mind that she might try to raise her kids as if they were just like her growing up. Ryan and Rebekah discuss the idea of not projecting personal context on our kids. Just because they are our offspring, it does not mean they will be just like us and experience the same things the same way we did. It is important to utilize personal context and experience, but to make sure to remember that our children are different people. For Rebekah, this means that she needs to pay more attention to each kid and analyze each situation in it’s own merit.

Ryan digs into some internet memes on parenting which brings up some personal reflection moments on how Ryan used to be an “arm-chair-parent” before having kids.

Ryan talks about a great piece of advice somebody gave him to keep sane while parenting: “Establish a consequence and follow through if the child disobeys”. In other words, warn them they are going to get a time out, and if the child disobeys, give them a time out...no drama....Sort of. Ryan and Rebekah talk about the reality of following through on this advice.

[11:20] Playing Inside vs. outside.

This is different for Ryan because he as at work all day and Rebekah is home all day with the kids. Rebekah was noticing that when Liam is inside, he does imaginative play, but it’s very short lived and jumps from project to project. She notices when they go outside, his attention span increases. Ryan notices that he can go “forever” outside. He finds creative things (leaves, sticks, bugs) to play with.

Ryan brings up an article from psychology today that talks about the brain development advantages of playing outside. [Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201404/whats-better-indoor-or-outdoor-play]

We live in a second story apartment, so it is harder to go outside. Especially because we are so tired all the time and we can’t let Liam go run outside by himself. If we had a backyard, it would be much easier. It’s city life, which is different than how we grew up as kids. Rebekah talks about what it was like growing up in her home.

Ryan points out that there is a thing called “Nature Deficit Disorder” (according to Psychology Today article).

Ryan and Rebekah share experiences of playing outside when they were kids. We also grew up before video games were a thing.

The challenge for Rebekah and Ryan is: What do you do when you are too tired??

[22:00] Parenting Pet Peeves

Being constantly tired is a major parenting pet peeve. We ask the audience to share their advice in the comments.

Ryan struggles with being patient. This is a personal pet peeve for him. He wants things to happen quickly and struggles to let Liam jump in and help —which takes longer.

Bekah does not like “mom-chit-chat”. It can feel like comparison between moms which is frustrating. Ryan loves “mom-chit-chat” conversations...

Conclusion: we are all wired differently. We need to be the best version of who we are, so our kids can be the best version of who they are!