What if I Want a Divorce but My Abusive Husband Doesn't? [190]

09/27/22 • 16 min

Surprise! Abusers never want the same thing as their victims. Why should divorce be any different?

Shocking! Abusers never want their “property” to start acting like a person and hightail it out of Dodge (“Dodge” being the marriage. Okay, you get it.)

Spoiler alert! You get to make your own decisions because you’re a grown woman. What? Yes, it’s true.

Divorce isn’t a magic toilet that flushes all your worries away. But it’s a wise, viable option for women who are being systematically destroyed by their closest relationship.

For women who want a divorce from their emotionally abusive husbands, this episode is a reminder of the core things they need to know.

The Rundown:

When somebody kicks our shin over and over: We LEAVE THE ROOM
When religious people demand we save a corrupt “marriage”: We CALL BS
When others say we can’t get divorced: We BREAK OUT THE LAW
When we are about to take the leap: We MAKE SURE WE’RE SURE
When we jump off the cliff (and get a divorce): We GET CAUGHT BY A LOVING GOD
When emotionally and spiritually abused women need help recovering, they get dozens of Butterfly stories and workshops, and 12 courses including “Divorce Basis” and “The 90-Day Escape Plan” in Flying Free

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Surprise! Abusers never want the same thing as their victims. Why should divorce be any different?

Shocking! Abusers never want their “property” to start acting like a person and hightail it out of Dodge (“Dodge” being the marriage. Okay, you get it.)

Spoiler alert! You get to make your own decisions because you’re a grown woman. What? Yes, it’s true.

Divorce isn’t a magic toilet that flushes all your worries away. But it’s a wise, viable option for women who are being systematically destroyed by their closest relationship.

For women who want a divorce from their emotionally abusive husbands, this episode is a reminder of the core things they need to know.

The Rundown:

When somebody kicks our shin over and over: We LEAVE THE ROOM
When religious people demand we save a corrupt “marriage”: We CALL BS
When others say we can’t get divorced: We BREAK OUT THE LAW
When we are about to take the leap: We MAKE SURE WE’RE SURE
When we jump off the cliff (and get a divorce): We GET CAUGHT BY A LOVING GOD
When emotionally and spiritually abused women need help recovering, they get dozens of Butterfly stories and workshops, and 12 courses including “Divorce Basis” and “The 90-Day Escape Plan” in Flying Free

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Previous Episode

I’m Afraid of My Christian Husband’s Criticism and Disapproval [189]

Imagine a mother who stares at her baby.. She won’t smile. Won’t look it in the eye. Doesn’t react when it holds its arms out to be held. Refuses to comfort it when it cries. The baby screams and sobs. The mother won’t move.

Now multiply that cruelty across each thousands of days. Switch the mother for a husband. Change the baby to a wife.

Other people may throw out the “But does he hit you?” strawman (only extremes, only obvious physical, qualifiable harm counts as abuse). But that baby knows better. You know better. Your desolate heart knows better.

The most devastating hurts don’t show on the outside.

In this episode:

The different flavors of abuse vs. the different ways victims react
Reaction #1: Fighting Back
Reaction #2: Hiding
Reaction #3: Freezing
Reaction #4 Appeasing
How a still face and a baby show the impact of covert emotional abuse
Why trying to prevent emotional pain only creates more pain
Responses that lead to healing, freedom, and peace

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Next Episode

Why Self-Leadership is More Effective Than Being Held Accountable [191]

How do you feel about accountability? Like it, love it, want some more of it?

Or maybe it’s like medicine to you — icky but necessary.

Hold on to your booty, cause I’ve got an opinion on it too.

I think it’s a made-up practice that got a “virtue” sticker slapped on it. I think it arrests our development into emotional adulthood. In fact, I’d say accountability does more harm than good.

And it can never match the power of internal motivation for true, lasting life change.

Christian accountability conditions us to believe:

We are helpless and foolish
We don’t have the capacity for self-motivation or self-leadership
We have to be externally motivated by something outside of ourselves (like pain or the humiliation of confessing our faults/sins/failures)
We can't make our own decisions
We have to get guidance from and obey other people (who usually have penises)
We are flirting with danger if we think independently

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com