Flying Free

If marriage is for life, then the only way out is death. Right?

I’ve been asked that question, or a variation of it, many times. I used to wonder that question myself.

Marriage IS for life, but not in the way you’ve been told. It’s for the sake of bringing life TO you. And when it’s destroying you instead, THERE IS A WAY OUT.

But the very Bible verses written to bring protection to abused women and rebuke to abusive men have been twisted and turned on their heads...until the words “for life” are a curse and death seems like the only escape (whether his or yours).

Allow me to right these warped words and help you fly free from your despair.

In this episode:

• Why you might reconsider telling church leaders about your husband’s abusive behavior
• The four reasons women consider “telling on” their husbands to church leaders (and the problems with each)
• The four possible responses you can expect when you report your abusive husband’s behavior to church leaders (helping the victim is the rarest)
• Why the “God hates divorce” verse is COMPLETELY WRONG and what it really says
• The 8 things you don’t owe ANYONE (at church or otherwise) when it comes to leaving your marriage
• The only two things you absolutely need to get out of your marriage (and they’re available no matter your circumstances)
• Why wishing your abusive husband were dead doesn’t mean you’re an evil person
• How I went from lying on a bathroom floor wishing for death to flying free, remarried, with a new home, a new family, and an amazing job (and my story isn’t unique among Flying Free and Flying Higher survivors)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

You've been telling him for years how hurtful his behavior is. Literally begging him to stop. It's like beating your head against a wall. You've reached your breaking point. Then he tosses out a question your heart longed to hear from the beginning:

"What can I do to fix this?"

Right at the end. Right before your feet hit the pavement. Right before you've given up.

What now?

Learn about 3 critical aspects of this scenario:

• What this question actually means.
• Why he never asked it before.
• Ways to respond that won't lead you right back onto the hamster wheel of death.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Have you ever been told to let the past be the past (even though the past is your present and your present is a prison disguised as a marriage)?

Robin walked on eggshells and hid herself away to survive. After years in an abusive marriage, she believed God didn’t love her and that he hated divorce more than anything. She was taught that her body wasn’t her own, and her job was to make her husband happy at all costs. But no matter how small she became, it was never enough. No matter how hard she tried, he was never happy. When she dared to bring up her concerns or ask her husband to stop harming her and the kids, he blamed her, and the cycle began again. Robins talks about:

• How Flying Free has helped (and can help you too)
• Red flags from her marriage (great for those hoping to avoid toxic relationships in the future)
• How the church made things worse (and why she eventually went against all she’d been taught)

Since gaining freedom from her husband, Robin no longer lives in fear in her own home. She is sure of God’s love and knows that what he really hates is abuse. There is also, finally, distance between the past and her present.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

A fascinating interview with UK Gender Justice Specialist, Natalie Collins around her new book, Out of Control. We discuss the process of taking back your life from the grip of abuse as well as the patriarchal teachings that keep us stuck there.

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Follow Natalie on Twitter.
• Buy her incredibly well-written and helpful book, Out of Control: Couples, Conflict, and the Capacity for Change.
• If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
• I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
• You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
• And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Natalie Collins has been working to address domestic abuse issues for almost a decade, working directly with women subjected to abuse and domestic abuse perpetrators, and training church leaders and congregations on domestic abuse issues. She has delivered keynote addresses both nationally and internationally on the subject, and has spoken alongside Archbishops and UN representatives. Natalie is also the founder of the “Fifty Shades is Domestic Abuse” campaign and has appeared on national television, radio and printed media talking about abuse, consent and women’s rights. She has further written several articles and book contributions on domestic violence, and is the author of the widely used domestic abuse pack for UK churches, the Restored Church Pack.

She set up Spark (www.sparkequip.org) and works to enable individuals and organizations to prevent and respond to male violence against women. She is also the Creator and Director of DAY (www.dayprogramme.org), an innovative youth domestic abuse and exploitation education program and of the Own My Life course (www.ownmylifecourse.org) for women who have been subjected to abuse. She organizes Project 3:28 (www.project328.info), co-founded the UK Christian Feminist Network (www.christianfeministnetwork.com), works as a Consultant with Press Red, has written a Grove Book on Gender Aware Youth Practice, and her book, “Out Of Control: Couples, Conflict and the Capacity for Change,” has been published by SPCK. She speaks and writes on understanding and ending gender injustice nationally and internationally.

What if it’s not your fault that sex is bad in your marriage?

Based on a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, The Great Sex Rescue unlocks the secrets to what makes some marriages red hot while others fizzle out. Generations of women have grown up with messages about sex that make them feel dirty, used, or invisible, while men have been sold such a cheapened version of sex, they don’t know what they’re missing. The Great Sex Rescue hopes to turn all of that around, developing a truly biblical view of sex where mutuality, intimacy, and passion reign.
The Great Sex Rescue pulls back the curtain on what is happening in Christian bedrooms and exposes the problematic teachings that wreck sex for so many couples–and the good teachings that leave others breathless. In the #metoo and #churchtoo era, not only is this book a long overdue corrective to church culture, it is poised to free thousands of couples from repressive and dissatisfying sex lives so that they can experience the kind of intimacy and wholeness God intended.

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a popular speaker, marriage blogger, and the author of eight books, including The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. She loves encouraging women in their relationships, both with God and with their husbands, children, and friends. Her passion is for marriage, and she and her husband Keith speak together at marriage outreaches and at FamilyLife Canada marriage conferences. Sheila believes in authenticity, and gives real solutions to the very real and messy problems women, and couples, can face. You can usually find her in Belleville, Ontario, where she’s constantly texting her two young adult daughters and knitting. Preferably simultaneously.

Warning: The subject of this episode is sex and may contain content inappropriate for children.

In this episode you’ll discover:

• Why Sheila and her team decided to do such a massive study of over 20,000 Christian women.
• Some of the harmful messages found in best-selling Christian marriage books that have caused the greatest damage in the lives of women.
• What God’s original plan for sex in marriage actually was and how far the evangelical church has strayed from that plan.
• Which Christian marriage book got a score of ZERO out of 48 in a rubric that measures healthy human sexuality. (And guess what? It’s the number one Christian marriage book on the market!)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• “The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended”
• Sheila’s blog: “Bare Marriage”
• “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex”
• If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
• I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
• You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
• And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a popular speaker, marriage blogger, and the author of eight books, including The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. She loves encouraging women in their relationships, both with God and with their husbands, children, and friends. Her passion is for marriage, and she and her husband Keith speak together at marriage outreaches and at FamilyLife Canada ...