Stop Waiting for Your Husband to Die so You Can Live [193]

10/18/22 • 30 min

If marriage is for life, then the only way out is death. Right?

I’ve been asked that question, or a variation of it, many times. I used to wonder that question myself.

Marriage IS for life, but not in the way you’ve been told. It’s for the sake of bringing life TO you. And when it’s destroying you instead, THERE IS A WAY OUT.

But the very Bible verses written to bring protection to abused women and rebuke to abusive men have been twisted and turned on their heads...until the words “for life” are a curse and death seems like the only escape (whether his or yours).

Allow me to right these warped words and help you fly free from your despair.

In this episode:

Why you might reconsider telling church leaders about your husband’s abusive behavior
The four reasons women consider “telling on” their husbands to church leaders (and the problems with each)
The four possible responses you can expect when you report your abusive husband’s behavior to church leaders (helping the victim is the rarest)
Why the “God hates divorce” verse is COMPLETELY WRONG and what it really says
The 8 things you don’t owe ANYONE (at church or otherwise) when it comes to leaving your marriage
The only two things you absolutely need to get out of your marriage (and they’re available no matter your circumstances)
Why wishing your abusive husband were dead doesn’t mean you’re an evil person
How I went from lying on a bathroom floor wishing for death to flying free, remarried, with a new home, a new family, and an amazing job (and my story isn’t unique among Flying Free and Flying Higher survivors)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

If marriage is for life, then the only way out is death. Right?

I’ve been asked that question, or a variation of it, many times. I used to wonder that question myself.

Marriage IS for life, but not in the way you’ve been told. It’s for the sake of bringing life TO you. And when it’s destroying you instead, THERE IS A WAY OUT.

Allow me to right these warped words and help you fly free from your despair.

In this episode:

Why you might reconsider telling church leaders about your husband’s abusive behavior
The four reasons women consider “telling on” their husbands to church leaders (and the problems with each)
The four possible responses you can expect when you report your abusive husband’s behavior to church leaders (helping the victim is the rarest)
Why the “God hates divorce” verse is COMPLETELY WRONG and what it really says
The 8 things you don’t owe ANYONE (at church or otherwise) when it comes to leaving your marriage
The only two things you absolutely need to get out of your marriage (and they’re available no matter your circumstances)
Why wishing your abusive husband were dead doesn’t mean you’re an evil person
How I went from lying on a bathroom floor wishing for death to flying free, remarried, with a new home, a new family, and an amazing job (and my story isn’t unique among Flying Free and Flying Higher survivors)

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com

Previous Episode

Confronting Religious Trauma and Reconstructing Faith [192]

“I’m going to be ninety-two next month, and I have waited my entire life for a book like this.”

A woman said this to Tiffany after she spoke to a Sunday School class about her book, “Gaslighted by God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith.”

Many Christians are told their doubts are a sign they haven’t prayed or fasted enough. That their spiritual frustrations are an indication they’re backsliding. That they just don’t have enough faith.

Do you feel a sense of futility over ever measuring up as a Christian? Ever pleasing God? Ever nailing down the formula for blessing or meeting the mark for making yourself small enough?

Tiffany wrote “Gaslighted by God” to give a voice to the pain of devoted Christians whose faith is cracking under the abuse of legalism, who are desperately clinging to beliefs that are hurting them, and who need to know it’s not their fault.

In this episode:

What spiritual anxiety is and how it manifests
The significance of Tiffany screaming at a church sign
Why the Christian “answer” for everything is so damaging
The similarities between a space chimp and shell-shocked WWI veterans and what we experience because of legalistic theology
How Jesus expanded the definitions of sin to protect the vulnerable, not add a bigger burden
So much more!

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Reach out to Tiffany on her website.
Read her incredible book, Gaslighted by God.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Tiffany Yecke Brooks is the lead or contributing writer on more than two dozen books, including multiple New York Times bestsellers. She is the coauthor of Fear Is a Choice: Tackling Life’s Challenges With Dignity, Faith, and Determination (with NFL running back James Conner), Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstance (with Paralympic gold-medalist Mallory Weggemann), and the narrative nonfiction historical thriller Espionage and Enslavement in the Revolution: The True Story of Robert Townsend and Elizabeth (with historian Claire Bellerjeau). Her newest book, Gaslighted By God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith was released in May 2022 by Eerdmans. She has also published articles in peer-reviewed journals and the Smithsonian.Tiffany holds a PhD from Florida State University, where her dissertation covered, in part, cultural adaptations of stories from the book of Genesis, and an MA from the University of Bristol in the UK, where her thesis examined cultural influences and literary techniques in the Gospel of Luke. A popular speaker for student groups, faith conferences, and academic lectureships, Tiffany has taught literature and writing at Abilene Christian University, McMurry University, and the University of South Carolina – Beaufort.

Next Episode

What Role Does Fear Play in Our Religion and Our Relationships? [194]

“You don’t know God,” the elder leaned forward and said to me. He knew I was preparing to divorce my emotionally abusive husband.

My body began to tremble. My voice shook.

I realized later that he was right. His god was vindictive and cruel, like a mythological Zeus.

The God I know — deeply, intimately, since I was a child — is gentle and kind and leads me away from fear and control.

That was the first church meeting I ever walked out of. And the last one I ever had with those elders.

It’s also when I realized that I could fly free. So can you.

In this episode with licensed marriage and family therapist Naomi Norton, we discuss:

11 dominant fears the Christian community uses to influence (CONTROL) women
Why being connected to the physical (your body, emotions) is so important
How to prioritize, process, and honor fear
What the church usually says about fear (and why their perspective is SO DANGEROUS)
How being aware of fear (the types, the ways they surface) can HELP US PROTECT ourselves
Why moving toward fear is often NOT a good or godly response
The reason you love God but you’re afraid of him (and how to get rid of that fear)
How to respond to people (often church people) who USE FEAR TO CONTROL US

Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

Naomi’s Facebook page is like a 5-course banquet for emotional and spiritual abuse survivors. You’ll gobble it up!
If you live in or near Kansas City and you’re looking for a therapist, check out Naomi’s website.
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com
I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list at https://flyingfreesisterhood.com/free-download
You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com
And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher at https://joinflyinghigher.com

Naomi Norton is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She’s been in private practice for eight years. She has a passion for working with marginalized communities and people who’ve suffered religious trauma. Naomi is in the final stages of completing her Ph.D. in family therapy at North Central University. Her dissertation research focuses on the evangelical Christian community’s perspective on mental health.