Fare of the Free Child - Ep 246: Listening Party for “P. is for Pain Points”

Ep 246: Listening Party for “P. is for Pain Points”

Explicit content warning

04/07/22 • 23 min

Fare of the Free Child

This week on #fofcpod we're serving insightful thoughts, feedback, and resources based on our current PAUSEwerk flow.

The letter of the week is P, for Pain Points: What’s the matter? What took you here? What things feel like pain, discomfort, uncertainty? What is coming up for you and for the people that you’re closest to right now?

This episode is our first Listening Party, the space where we focus on your feedback about an aspect of pausing, as well as our own insights and struggles.

Akilah and Domari continue unraveling the layers of perfection vs pleasure: they speak about Black Excellence and the pressure of feeling that all that you do is never enough.

Can pause be a privilege?

“The more success I feel, the harder it is for me to accept that I can pause.” - Akilah

“I don’t like that. I’m not like that”. - Domari

In this episode, you’ll notice that we’re just getting the hang of the tech for this new format—but you’ll still get a feel for what these listening parties are about!

Every other Monday, we’ll be at it again, so join Domari and Akilah as live audience members (no video necessary)!

The next Listening Party is Monday, April 18th at 1 PM Eastern.

We LOVE feedback

We listened to Zeba Savage from Savage Learning Environment who brought up the importance of pausing, and the pressure of being perfect. Then, our homie, Vanessa Molano, shared their thoughts from one of the cards that Domari pulled from the Raising Free People practice decks (the Layers card), and pointed out their experiences with boundaries and grace. Raising Free People Card Deck is available now, click here to order it.

These comments are gems in the work we do, so thank you for contributing to this ecology that moves us away from tools of oppression and towards our personal healing journeys.

More Resources

Dr. Sundiata teamed up with Maryella Marie and Tomis Parker, two other SDE-minded facilitators, to create an amazing offering: The live virtual training, “Co-creating a Thriving Family Culture.” This will take place on the weekend of April 23 to the 24. They’re offering tools that will help you on being intentional about learning new skills and processes to make decisions and resolve conflicts in peaceful and collaborative ways.

Liberation WALK

Here are a couple of gems to take your time and think about:

“If I pause, who is going to fill the space left by all of the people who told us how to be in the world?”
“Can I afford to pause?”

Give us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside

Support the show

Dig this show? Join our make-it-happen family at patreon.com/akilah to make sure we can keep this thang going strong. Thank you!
The Raising Free People Practice Card Deck
https://schoolishness.com/market/rfp-a-practice-deck/
Peek at the details of Personal Manifesto Path (will be available exclusively through our make-it-happen family on Patreon)
https://www.rfpunschool.com/p/manifesto
Our Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/@fareofthefreechild
The Village:
https://my-reflection-matters.mn.co/

This week on #fofcpod we're serving insightful thoughts, feedback, and resources based on our current PAUSEwerk flow.

This episode is our first Listening Party, the space where we focus on your feedback about an aspect of pausing, as well as our own insights and struggles.

Akilah and Domari continue unraveling the layers of perfection vs pleasure: they speak about Black Excellence and the pressure of feeling that all that you do is never enough.

Can pause be a privilege?

“The more success I feel, the harder it is for me to accept that I can pause.” - Akilah

“I don’t like that. I’m not like that”. - Domari

In this episode, you’ll notice that we’re just getting the hang of the tech for this new format—but you’ll still get a feel for what these listening parties are about!

Every other Monday, we’ll be at it again, so join Domari and Akilah as live audience members (no video necessary)!

The next Listening Party is Monday, April 18th at 1 PM Eastern.

We LOVE feedback

These comments are gems in the work we do, so thank you for contributing to this ecology that moves us away from tools of oppression and towards our personal healing journeys.

More Resources

Liberation WALK

Here are a couple of gems to take your time and think about:

“If I pause, who is going to fill the space left by all of the people who told us how to be in the world?”
“Can I afford to pause?”

Give us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside

Support the show

Previous Episode

Ep 245: P for Pain Points: What’s hurting you? What’s hurting them?

It’s storytime #fofcpod fam and we‘re so excited to continue with this 70-day PAUSE journey along with the amazing Domari Dickinson of Positive and Purposeful Parenting.

Ep 245 is live! We’re listening and taking a look at the skills that are happening in between the defined things. In this episode in particular, we are observing the ways we react to our pain points, so breathe in, breathe out, pull out your pause pad, take some notes, and let’s play together! Remember that we’re in the process of noticing what sometimes can’t be easily named nor understood, so try to feel into the experiences that you have with these questions, without expectations, without judgment, only your attention.

**Use this link to join our live audience (no video, just chat, unless you ask to join us on air in the chat) on Monday, April 4th at 2PM Eastern.** These every-other-weekly listening parties are where Domari and Akilah invite you to play and struggle through specific aspects of pausewerk with them, real time. Listen to Episode 244:There is Real Power in the Pause tho! to hear details on the flow of this season’s 70-day pausewerk focus.

Today is P day and we’ll work through all the pain points: What’s the matter? What took you here? What things feel like pain, discomfort, uncertainty? What is coming up for you and for the people that you’re closest to right now?”

Domari pulled a card from the Raising Free People practice deck.

Layers: If I could access grace in this moment, I may choose to offer it in honor of all the many layers that comprise this person I love. And if I do, might that be enough for me, for now?

The Raising Free People Card Deck is available now, click here to order it.

“What would change in my life if I chose to pursue pleasure instead of perfection? - Domari

Domari shares her experience with her children on how they respond when a conflict appears. Akilah talks about the struggles and worries that may show up for parents around how and whether learning is happening, and how pausing can offer the space we often need to learn how to recognize and trust learning.

“I’ve now started to look at my children’s resistance as one of their gifts. One of the things that society—which I am part of—didn’t pry out of their hands.” - Akilah

Akilah speaks about Marley and Sage’s approaches to resolving conflicts, and how much she is learning from their approaches. Both hosts also speak about the nuances of the term “readiness,” and the role of resistance as a powerful gift in our efforts to raise free people.

Throughout Akilah and Domari’s convo there are 10 points of Madd Question Askin’ energy for you to get into:

What brings you pleasure?
What does pleasure look and feel like to you

Support the show

Next Episode

Ep. 247 A for Absent: What feels missing in your current relationships?

Here we go #fofcpod friends! Let’s continue with this 70-day PAUSE journey, along with the amazing Domari Dickinson of Positive and Purposeful Parenting.

P is for Pain Points
A is for absences
U is for understanding
S for sorting or shedding
E for exploration

Episode 247 is part one of the Listening Party around the letter A (for Absences) in PAUSE, so we’re offering you affirmations and snippets from conversations all in service of our current PAUSEwerk. What’s missing? What feels lost or otherwise missing from your relevant relationships?

Akilah and Domari place their attention on some of the things that once, or even now, feel absent in their relationships or practices. The invitation is for you to slow down, discern, and align.

Since healthy boundaries tend to be one of the more common missing elements, we touch on those in this episode, and will expand that exploration when we touch U for Understanding in two weeks. In the meantime, what’s your relationship to boundaries?

Are you a confident boundary setter?

Cautious but willing boundary setter?

Do you suck at setting boundaries?

SING ALONG

Hush Little Parent Homie, sung by Val Sinclair:

Hush little parent homie you ain’t gotta say a word,

but some of your beliefs are pretty absurd,

they came from your Mama and she got them from hers,

but it’s time to stop and think ‘cause they ain’t gotta be yours.

Hush little parent homie don’t perpetuate

schoolish colonizer-minded traits,

We took them in, in attempts to survive,

but they don’t apply now; we tryna thrive.

So, hush little parent homie don’t perpetuate

schoolish colonizer-minded traits.

AFFIRMATIONS

1.
Boundaries are vital to my life’s design,

in fact, my boundaries are invitations for us to align,

it’s ok not to love it, I ain’t askin’ for no shrine,

just affirming what I need and honoring what’s mine.

2.
I am worthy, I am loved,

I am safe, I am free,

and when I choose to pause,

that’s liberation work for me.

I reject the option of performing a life

and choose to authentically design mine.

I am in partnership with this child

I am not in partnership with people’s opinions about my child.

I show up, I listen, I lean, I let.

Download this episode so that you can record your version of the words that you connect with. And join us on Monday, April 18th at 1 PM Eastern for part two of this discussion about what’s missing.

LIBERATION WALK