Falling Into Soul

When we face and transmute fear, we gain confidence. Confidence that doesn’t depend on things happening in a way we are sure they must happen, but confidence that comes from being insecure, facing the unknown and allowing support and grace to find us in unimagined ways, letting go of certain hopes and trusting that what we can’t yet see or know is there to hold us if we take the frightening steps far enough into the dark for it to find us.
In this episode:

• How to transmute fear to confidence
• The difference between confidence and certainty
• What to do when your confidence is shaken

With love,
McCall
Download The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook here
Quotes from the show:
--Alchemy doesn’t save us from shit. Alchemy holds us to facing the shit, facing our deepest fears. The whole point of alchemy is to transmute the shit, transmute the fears, to face the things we feel we cannot face and realize the depths in us that are equipped to face them.

--Trusting things to work out in a certain way is not really trusting in life. Life is a manifestation of the mystery. Trusting in it means trusting things to work out in ways you can’t foresee or know. The willingness to move forward even though things aren’t going as planned allows us to be surprised by unknown helpers and graces along the way.
--This is the terror, but also the delight and the magic of the unknown: when we face the things we fear we cannot face, we come in touch with the deeper, wilder parts of us that are actually equipped to face them.
--“We can find what supports us when nothing supports us. By bearing the unbearable, we go through the desert to arrive at a nurturing oasis we did not know was there”. -James Hollis
--"We don't need to learn to let go. We just need to recognize what is already gone." -Zen master Suzuki Roshi
Download The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook here

Support the show

• Read The Terrible, Beautiful Truth on Substack
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• Read or listen to my new book Down from the Mountain
• Read or Listen to my first book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

One of the things that has been pried from the grips of my poor ego through the processes of alchemy and spiritual maturing is the idea that I could crack the code. That I could somehow figure out how to save myself from the perils of life. That somehow, my righteousness, my chosenness and my wisdom set me apart from the rest of humanity, and I wouldn’t have to suffer in the ways other humans suffer.
The idea that being “good” and doing the right things was somehow related to my level of suffering was deeply, deeply embedded in me. But honestly, what a fucked up idea.
Exploring in this episode:

• Deprogramming the idea that we can be saved from suffering if we do the right things
• The soul cannot be healed and discovered solely through healthy living
• The role that danger, the abyss, the edge, and the nothingness have in awakening the soul
• Coming to the place where nothing saves you and how important this place is to magical alignment and magical will
• How there is no Philosopher's Stone, no creating with magical will without giving up every notion of what we think it might mean to do so

At 10:46 I do a reading of my piece "When Nothing Saves You" with impromptu piano music in the background. It just felt right.

With love from one magical abyss to another,
McCall
Thank you for listening and supporting the show!

Support the show

• Read The Terrible, Beautiful Truth on Substack
• Stay connected through my Email List
• Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me
• Read or listen to my new book Down from the Mountain
• Read or Listen to my first book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

No amount of alchemical death and rebirth cycles can change who you are. It can only reveal it. And then the task becomes to live it, to anchor the unchangeable essence of Who You Are into your ever-changing human existence. Wildness and form. Dancing.

So far in this podcast, I’ve talked a lot about what I call the Second Half of the Mountain Journey–the dark nights of the soul, dark nights of the spirit, and distillation. These alchemical processes are necessary to carry us from initial awakening to permanent alignment with the core self.

But what happens when we reach the summit? What are the next alchemical phases and processes we go through once we have an abiding alignment with the unbreakable core within? What is life like then? What’s the reward for completing all seven stages of alchemy?

Exploring in this episode:

• What comes after going through the dark nights and distillation?
• What is the Philosopher’s Stone?
• The alchemical phase of Radiation and how to deal with its devoidness
• The ongoing conversation between ego and soul or the immediate and infinite self.

With love,

McCall
Related episodes:
Living From the Unbreakable Core That Is Uniquely Yours
Born From Nothing--Magical Will

Support the show

• Read The Terrible, Beautiful Truth on Substack
• Stay connected through my Email List
• Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me
• Read or listen to my new book Down from the Mountain
• Read or Listen to my first book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

The alchemy of inner transformation is not a self-improvement project. It’s a participation in the soul’s evolution. It may not improve your life at all at first. It’s a rather destructive process–dismantling your beliefs, identities, small hopes and dreams, tearing your life at each carefully stitched seam to reveal what’s unbreakable underneath. It gets worse before it gets worse sometimes, so faithless and consuming, leaving you hanging by nothing but a single thread–your own breath tethering you to life in a place it feels like you never intended to be. And at some point, you realize this is it...there’s nowhere else to go, nowhere to hide, nothing to save you from having to live what’s right here now. So you breathe the breath that is yours to breathe. You take the thread that is yours to weave, and without pretense, fanfare, or promise of any particular outcome you live the impossible–the dream that won’t stop dreaming, the breath that won’t stop breathing, the thread that won’t stop weaving you.
In this episode, we explore:

• The difference between self-improvement and transformation
• The difference between using your creative powers and resources to manifest things to make your life look good vs. using your creative powers to go through inner transformation
• Looking at the Dark Night of the Spirit from a new angle--The Great White Nothing
• The "log and fire" analogy to understand the difference between the Dark Night of the Soul and the Dark Night of the Spirit and why the Dark Night of the Spirit can be so challenging
• Three keys for living through The Great White Nothing/Dark Night of the Spirit

Reading of my piece "The Great White Nothing" put to music at 18:45
With love for and from the Nothingness,
McCall

Support the show

• Read The Terrible, Beautiful Truth on Substack
• Stay connected through my Email List
• Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me
• Read or listen to my new book Down from the Mountain
• Read or Listen to my first book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

Did I just make a trailer for this podcast after two years of doing this podcast? Yeah, I guess that checks out. It usually takes me awhile of doing something important before I understand it enough to say what it is.
Such is the way of soul. You don't have to understand the magic for it to be happening. And I'm getting so much better and letting it happen and seeing what happens.
With love and deep thanks for being here,
McCall
--Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening
--Click here for 20% off audiobook
--Click here for episode transcripts

Support the show

• Read The Terrible, Beautiful Truth on Substack
• Stay connected through my Email List
• Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me
• Read or listen to my new book Down from the Mountain
• Read or Listen to my first book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening