Escape the Paradox
Helena Hickman
Welcome to Escape the Paradox, where I expose the hidden reality of coercive control and domestic violence including psychological, emotional and physical abuse.
I’m Helena, a survivor of childhood abuse. I'm a mental health nursing student and advocate, here to support you in breaking free from the confusion, fear, and isolation that abuse creates.
Home should be the safest place, but for many, it becomes the most dangerous.
In each episode, I share my personal story and dive into my own experiences, as well as survivor experiences, trauma-informed insights, and expert research to help you understand the mechanisms of abuse and begin your healing journey.
We’ll explore tactics such as gaslighting, and how abusers wield and seek power and control, not to diagnose, but because naming abuse is the first step in reclaiming your reality.
If you're ready to reconnect with your truth and rebuild your self-worth through clarity and understanding, you’re in the right place.
Follow Escape the Paradox on Threads, Instagram, and TikTok: @escapetheparadox.
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Introduction: Breaking My Paradox
Escape the Paradox
01/07/25 • 2 min
This podcast discusses sensitive topics, including coercive control and the emotional impact of abuse.
In this introduction, I share why I believe it’s so important to learn how to verbalize the impact coercive control has. By sharing my truth, I hope to help others do the same. I’m claiming my narrative, and healing alongside you. By sharing my own story, I hope to show others that it’s not only possible to break the silence, but it’s also an essential step in the healing process.
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Part 1 - Abuse: Minimizing, Denying and Blaming (Gaslighting) (1 of 2)
Escape the Paradox
03/17/25 • 35 min
In this episode, I explore a message I wrote to my father in 2023, and take you through his response with me. It’s a raw and honest conversation that highlights the tactics of minimizing, denying, and blaming, which are patterns that are reflected in the power and control wheel. These dynamics are deeply familiar to many who have lived through coercive control or emotional abuse and domestic violence in any form, and my hope is that by sharing my experience, you’ll feel seen, understood, and less alone. I want my story to create space for yours, because you deserve to feel validated in what you’ve lived through.
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Abuse: Isolation
Escape the Paradox
02/28/25 • 26 min
Isolation is one of the most powerful tools of coercive control, and it goes far beyond just cutting someone off from friends and family. In this episode, we explore how abusers use suspicion, false accusations, and emotional manipulation to make their targets feel trapped and alone—even in everyday interactions. Through Maxine’s story, we see how isolation operates in layers, chipping away at independence, self-trust, and access to support. Recognizing these tactics is the first step in breaking free.
A huge thanks to @maxxspressions (Threads) https://www.threads.net/@maxxpressions
Knight, S. (2025, January 7). Isolation tactics abusers use to control. Shadows of Control. https://shadowsofcontrol.com/articles/isolation-tactics-abusers-use-to-control/
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Abuse: Intimidation
Escape the Paradox
01/24/25 • 28 min
In this episode, I delve into the element of intimidation in abusive relationships and how it oppresses the target, making escape incredibly challenging. I also share my personal experience with the very real tactics abusers use to discredit their targets, adding even more layers of difficulty to leaving.
Sources
Please see this study regarding PTSD, and the associations between experiencing trauma and threats, as in DV/IPV/Child Abuse:
Kredlow, A., Fenster, R. J., Laurent, E. S., et al. (2022). Prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and threat processing: Implications for PTSD. Neuropsychopharmacology, 47(1), pp.247–259. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41386-021-01155-7
Please see the study which I drew on to show the similarities between threats and intimidation. This article was used more in Episode 2.
Wood, K., Giesbrecht, C. J., Brooks, C., & Arisman, K. (2024). "I couldn't leave the farm: Rural women's experiences of intimate partner violence and coercive control." Violence Against Women. https://doi.org/10.1177/10778012241279117
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Abuse: Coercion and Threats
Escape the Paradox
01/17/25 • 31 min
In this episode of Escape the Paradox, let's delve into the "Coercion and Threats" section of the Power and Control Wheel. Learn how abusers use coercive tactics to instill fear and maintain control over their targets. Learn to recognize these behaviors, and understand their impact. Whether you're seeking clarity or supporting someone you care about, this episode sheds light on the covert, and difficult to verbalize, dynamics of coercive control.
Sources
I reference the Power and Control Wheel, which was developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs in Duluth, Minnesota. For more information, visit this on their website: https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/
Please see the study conducted by Wood, K., Giesbrecht, C. J., Brooks, C., & Arisman, K. in 2024: "I couldn't leave the farm: Rural women's experiences of intimate partner violence and coercive control” found at https://doi.org/10.1177/10778012241279117 which I drew on during my podcast.
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Abuse is Abuse: Why Labels Don't Help
Escape the Paradox
01/10/25 • 22 min
In this very first episode of Escape the Paradox, I explore a common misconception: the idea that labeling an abuser—whether as a narcissist, psychopath, or anything else—somehow explains, or excuses, their behavior.
Abuse isn’t about a diagnosis; it’s about actions.
We dive into why focusing on labels can shift the conversation away from what really matters: the harm caused and the patterns of control, intimidation, and manipulation that define abuse.
Join me as we uncover the truths about abuse, discuss why labels often fall short, and refocus our attention on moving forward.
Sources
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.) – American Psychiatric Association (2013).
Link: https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596
For more information and access to Hare’s checklist used extensively in forensic psychology to evaluate personality traits and behaviors associated with psychopathy, visit here: https://arc.psych.wisc.edu/self-report/psychopathy-checklist-revised-pclr/ and download the checklist.
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Part 2 - Emotional / Psychological Abuse (2 of 2)
Escape the Paradox
02/14/25 • 24 min
Emotional abuse doesn’t just wound in the moment—it rewires the way we see ourselves. Over time, the insults, gaslighting, and manipulation become our own inner voice, eroding self-trust and self-worth. In Part 2, let's dive into how abuse shapes our internal narrative and what it takes to reclaim our sense of self.
Most importantly, I want to remind you that the beliefs an abuser ingrains in you are not the truth. Healing is possible, and it starts with challenging their narrative.
Sources:
Gavin, H. (2011). Sticks and stones may break my bones: An examination of the effects of emotional abuse. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 20(5), pp.503–529. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/254356919_Sticks_and_Stones_May_Break_My_Bones_The_Effects_of_Emotional_Abuse
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Part 1 - Emotional / Psychological Abuse (1 of 2)
Escape the Paradox
02/08/25 • 29 min
Emotional abuse leaves no visible scars, but its impact runs deep.
In this episode of Escape the Paradox, I talk about how emotional abuse erodes self-worth, distorts reality, and keeps targets trapped in cycles of self-doubt. I’ll share how it manifests in both subtle and overt ways, why it’s so difficult to recognize, and how the words and tactics used against me shaped my identity long after the abuse ended.
Most importantly, I want to remind you that the beliefs an abuser ingrains in you are not the truth. Healing is possible, and it starts with challenging their narrative.
Sources:
Gama, C. M. F., Portugal, L. C. L., Gonçalves, R. M., de Souza Junior, S., Vilete, L. M. P., Mendlowicz, M. V., Figueira, I., Volchan, E., David, I. A., de Oliveira, L., & Pereira, M. G. (2021). The invisible scars of emotional abuse: a common and highly harmful form of childhood maltreatment. BMC Psychiatry, 21 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-021-03134-0
Gavin, H. (2011). Sticks and stones may break my bones: An examination of the effects of emotional abuse. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 20(5), pp.503–529. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/254356919_Sticks_and_Stones_May_Break_My_Bones_The_Effects_of_Emotional_Abuse
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Understand relationship abuse. The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/understand-relationship-abuse/
National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). (n.d.). Emotional abuse. NSPCC. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/emotional-abuse/
Newton, C., & Gavin, H. (2016). Studying the long-term psychological effects of emotional abuse experienced in childhood. International Academic Conference on Social Sciences, pp. 41–49. The International Institute for Academic Development. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/314206294_Studying_The_Long-term_Psychological_Effects_of_Emotional_Abuse_Experienced_in_Childhood
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
Part 2 - Abuse: Minimizing, Denying and Blaming (Gaslighting) (2 of 2)
Escape the Paradox
04/01/25 • 43 min
In this episode, I continue analyzing past correspondence between myself and the abuser, focusing on the tactics of minimizing, denying, and blaming. I break down how these strategies are used to distort reality, shift responsibility, and keep targets trapped in cycles of self-doubt and confusion. By examining these patterns, I aim to bring clarity to the emotional and psychological impact of coercive control.
Together, we’ll explore the complexities of coercive control, learn how to speak our truth, and find strength in knowing we’re not alone. This is a space where we can come together, share our struggles, and rebuild our lives, one word at a time.
If you’d like to connect, share your story, or even be part of the podcast, you can email me at [email protected]. Follow the podcast on TikTok and Instagram—just search for @escapetheparadox.
Listen in on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. I’m here to walk this path with you.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, and join me as we break the silence together. In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the realities of coercive control, hear from survivors, and explore ways to reclaim our voices and our power.
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FAQ
How many episodes does Escape the Paradox have?
Escape the Paradox currently has 9 episodes available.
What topics does Escape the Paradox cover?
The podcast is about Survivor, Health & Fitness, Healing, Domestic Violence, Resilience, Empowerment, Mental Health, Podcasts, Freedom, Self-Improvement, Education, Support and Trauma.
What is the most popular episode on Escape the Paradox?
The episode title 'Abuse: Isolation' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Escape the Paradox?
The average episode length on Escape the Paradox is 27 minutes.
How often are episodes of Escape the Paradox released?
Episodes of Escape the Paradox are typically released every 14 days, 8 hours.
When was the first episode of Escape the Paradox?
The first episode of Escape the Paradox was released on Jan 7, 2025.
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