How to Recover Intimacy in Marriage After Betrayal and Porn Addiction - with Sandra | Ep. 74
Explicit content warning
12/19/23 • 48 min
1 Listener
Throughout their 17 year union, the presence of pornography cast a shadow over Sandra and her husband’s relationship, steadily eroding its foundation. Initially, Sandra dismissed it, swayed by the notion that incorporating porn could add a spark to their connection. However, as time unfolded, she witnessed alarming shifts in her husband's behavior—his inability to heed her pleas for gentleness, defensiveness clouding his responses, emotions spiraling into dramatic extremes, an inability to distinguish between sex and love, and an insistence on using orgasms as a mood-management tool. Caught in a web of lies and betrayal, Sandra recognized the compulsive and addictive nature of her husband's porn consumption.
In this powerful podcast episode, Sandra shares her story of resilience and transformation, recounting how therapy and the Wanting It More model became the catalysts for rebuilding intimacy in their relationship. She delves into their journey of porn recovery, shedding light on the steps they took to recreate their sex life. Sandra explores the intricacies of navigating boundaries, revealing the specific measures she implemented to safeguard her well-being within the relationship. She also shares what their sex life looks like now and how her husband feels about intimacy since recovering from porn addiction.
Resourses: Sandra and her husband used the following resources to help them on their healing journey.
Helping Couples Heal Podcast (interviews with Stan Tatkin, Omar Minwalla, and Carol Jurgensen Sheets): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/helping-couples-heal-podcast/id1462962051
Omar Minwalla Deceptive Sexuality & Trauma Resource Library: https://minwallamodel.com/resource-library/We used ERCEM coaches to facilitate our disclosure. ERCEM is
Carol Jurgensen Sheets Workbooks: https://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com/products
Dan Drake and Janice Caudill’s books to prepare for full therapeutic disclosure and emotional impact statement: https://intensivehope.com/resources/
SPAA: http://spaa-recovery.org/
Dr Paula Hall’s TED talk on pornography addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qf2e3XZ8Twhttps://www.paulahall.co.uk/books/
The TINSA book connects addictive behavior to adverse developmental experiences: https://a.co/d/eYaltET
Robert Augustus Masters, mature monogamyhttps://www.robertmasters.com/books-audiobooks/
The next round of Doing It Together is open for registration! Get $300 off for this round only! Register now!
Learn about the Doing It Together program details, schedules, testimonials, and Q&A.
Janna's new Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is open for registration.
Leave a podcast review: We'd so appreciate your rating and review to help the podcast reach more couples.
Throughout their 17 year union, the presence of pornography cast a shadow over Sandra and her husband’s relationship, steadily eroding its foundation. Initially, Sandra dismissed it, swayed by the notion that incorporating porn could add a spark to their connection. However, as time unfolded, she witnessed alarming shifts in her husband's behavior—his inability to heed her pleas for gentleness, defensiveness clouding his responses, emotions spiraling into dramatic extremes, an inability to distinguish between sex and love, and an insistence on using orgasms as a mood-management tool. Caught in a web of lies and betrayal, Sandra recognized the compulsive and addictive nature of her husband's porn consumption.
In this powerful podcast episode, Sandra shares her story of resilience and transformation, recounting how therapy and the Wanting It More model became the catalysts for rebuilding intimacy in their relationship. She delves into their journey of porn recovery, shedding light on the steps they took to recreate their sex life. Sandra explores the intricacies of navigating boundaries, revealing the specific measures she implemented to safeguard her well-being within the relationship. She also shares what their sex life looks like now and how her husband feels about intimacy since recovering from porn addiction.
Resourses: Sandra and her husband used the following resources to help them on their healing journey.
Helping Couples Heal Podcast (interviews with Stan Tatkin, Omar Minwalla, and Carol Jurgensen Sheets): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/helping-couples-heal-podcast/id1462962051
Omar Minwalla Deceptive Sexuality & Trauma Resource Library: https://minwallamodel.com/resource-library/We used ERCEM coaches to facilitate our disclosure. ERCEM is
Carol Jurgensen Sheets Workbooks: https://sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com/products
Dan Drake and Janice Caudill’s books to prepare for full therapeutic disclosure and emotional impact statement: https://intensivehope.com/resources/
SPAA: http://spaa-recovery.org/
Dr Paula Hall’s TED talk on pornography addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qf2e3XZ8Twhttps://www.paulahall.co.uk/books/
The TINSA book connects addictive behavior to adverse developmental experiences: https://a.co/d/eYaltET
Robert Augustus Masters, mature monogamyhttps://www.robertmasters.com/books-audiobooks/
The next round of Doing It Together is open for registration! Get $300 off for this round only! Register now!
Learn about the Doing It Together program details, schedules, testimonials, and Q&A.
Janna's new Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is open for registration.
Leave a podcast review: We'd so appreciate your rating and review to help the podcast reach more couples.
Previous Episode
From Confusion to Connection: Empowering Men to Transform Bedroom Dynamics - with Lee | Ep. 73
When Lee initially encountered Janna's messages about sex on her podcast, he felt victimized. It seemed to him as though blame for bad sex in marriage was being cast solely on men, leading him to internalize it as his personal responsibility. However, with time, he gradually grasped the profound message she aimed to convey – that the distorted notions about sex ingrained in our society are a product of our culture. Both he and his wife of 19 years were unwittingly influenced by these societal narratives.
The revelation came when they enrolled in Janna's course, where they gained a new vocabulary for discussing sex with each other. It was only then that they discovered the level of discomfort that had silently crept into their intimate moments. Armed with this understanding, they swiftly realized their previous approach to intimacy was detrimental for both of them.
Armed with this newfound awareness, Lee and his wife embarked on a journey toward healthier intimacy within their marriage. Lee now reflects on the lessons he has learned, describing the positive transformation in their sexual encounters and expressing a profound shift in his perception of the meaning of sex and connection within their relationship.
The next round of Doing It Together is open for registration! Get $300 off for this round only! Register now!
Learn about the Doing It Together program details, schedules, testimonials, and Q&A.
Janna's new Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is open for registration.
Leave a podcast review: We'd so appreciate your rating and review to help the podcast reach more couples.
Next Episode
Why Do Gifts of Lingerie Lower My Desire For Sex? - with Kate | Ep. 75
Kate and Janna unravel the complex dynamics of Kate’s 19-year marriage marked by a common tradition – the recurrent gift of lingerie.
Although intended as a sweet gesture, these presents took a toll on Kate, leaving her feeling embarrassed and awkward, along with dwindling her libido and decreasing her desire for sex. As the duo discusses the cultural implications of gifting lingerie, Kate's story becomes a powerful testament to self-empowerment, shedding light on how societal norms can hinder authentic connection.
In this episode, Kate and Janna navigate the delicate balance between intention and impact in intimate relationships. They explore the transformative journey of reclaiming one's sense of self, challenging established norms, and fostering genuine connection in the realm of intimacy.
The next round of Doing It Together is open for registration! Get $300 off for this round only! Register now!
Learn about the Doing It Together program details, schedules, testimonials, and Q&A.
Janna's new Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is open for registration.
Leave a podcast review: We'd so appreciate your rating and review to help the podcast reach more couples.
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