“Divorced” Doesn't Need To Be Your Identity
06/21/24 • 72 min
Four months after the divorce, Mark discusses rebuilding his identity, working through his emotions regarding his kids and his ex, and practical self care.
Topics include:
• The surprising benefit of traveling and of not having "being divorced" as one's primary identity
• How to share news of the divorce with friends and family, and the support it brings
• The joy of feeling seen and appreciated by our kids
--- The video Mark is referring to: What if My Ex Says Bad Things About Me to My Kids?
• How the kids are doing, 4 months after the physical separation
• Parenting schedules - how long should kids go without seeing the other parent?
• Responding to kids when they miss the other parent
• Managing the discomfort of real-time conversations with the ex, and considering the benefits of a-synchronous communication like texting or email
• Kids may spend less time thinking about the divorce than the parents
• Working through guilt and shame over the failed relationship
• Learning to enjoy time without the kids
• The fear and guilt of not being with kids for important events that happen when they're with the other parent
• Thinking about starting to date
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Four months after the divorce, Mark discusses rebuilding his identity, working through his emotions regarding his kids and his ex, and practical self care.
Topics include:
• The surprising benefit of traveling and of not having "being divorced" as one's primary identity
• How to share news of the divorce with friends and family, and the support it brings
• The joy of feeling seen and appreciated by our kids
--- The video Mark is referring to: What if My Ex Says Bad Things About Me to My Kids?
• How the kids are doing, 4 months after the physical separation
• Parenting schedules - how long should kids go without seeing the other parent?
• Responding to kids when they miss the other parent
• Managing the discomfort of real-time conversations with the ex, and considering the benefits of a-synchronous communication like texting or email
• Kids may spend less time thinking about the divorce than the parents
• Working through guilt and shame over the failed relationship
• Learning to enjoy time without the kids
• The fear and guilt of not being with kids for important events that happen when they're with the other parent
• Thinking about starting to date
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Previous Episode
From "You Want a Divorce?" to "I'm Happy This Happened"
Six months into his divorce from his wife of 13 years and with two young kids, Mark reflects on what he learned, and what he wished he knew earlier.
Mark also shares some practical advice about:
• Navigating the first weeks and months of a divorce
• Enjoying time with the kids
• Enjoying time without the kids
• Learning how to share the news with friends
• Setting boundaries with his ex, including physical boundaries with the ex
• The benefits of travel
• Getting through the bad days
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Next Episode
Now I Know What "Triggering" Means
Four and a half months into the divorce, Mark and his ex have a stable parenting schedule, which seems to be mostly working. But behind the scenes, Mark is upset about his ex repeatedly violating boundaries that seem obvious to him, including entering his home without his permission. Our conversation also touches on how to continue co-parenting effectively even when upset with the ex and what to tell the kids when they ask if you still love their mom.
Topics include:
• Accepting the legitimacy of feeling uncomfortable about interacting with the ex
• When the ex wants ad-hoc visits with the kids
• The ex entering into the home without permission to see the kids
• Is my ex intentionally trying to make me upset?
• Co-parenting and coordinating about kids even when upset with the ex
• Setting clear boundaries and expectations with the ex by explaining things that seem obvious but maybe aren't
• Separating emotionally from your ex
• When your kid asks you if you love your ex
• Getting comfortable talking about the divorce with friends
• Self Care and routines with and without the kids
Use This Link to Send Us Quick Feedback
- Join our mailing list for articles, videos, and notifications about additional resources.
- To talk about your experience with Dr. Magen and be on this podcast, email [email protected].
- For more support resources for divorcing dads, visit https://DivorcingDads.org.
- To learn more about Dr. Magen's parenting work, visit https://ParentingForHumans.com.
- If you are feeling unsafe, hopeless or suicidal, please call 988 for free and confidential counseling, 24/7/365. To find the number if you are outside the US, visit https://brenebrown.com/international-crisis-resources or https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
Divorcing Dads - “Divorced” Doesn't Need To Be Your Identity
Transcript
When you go through it , you just don't really see the light at the end of the tunnel . For me , I can honestly look back and say I'm happy that this happened . I am a happier person than I was . I'm discovering more about myself and who I am and who the kids are , and I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me that was what my life was going to be like a year ago .
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