How Do I Handle My Father's Preference for My Son Over My Daughter?

07/24/23 • 15 min

1 Listener

Dear Clementine

In this episode, Clementine unpacks a question around how a misogynistic grandfather relates to his grandchildren.

My question relates to my 72 year old dad who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and is now living in residential care. While there would be no point to hold him to account due to his cognitive decline, it's hard to reconcile within myself the blatant preference to male family members that he displays. On my weekly visit with my daughter and son, his excitement to see my son is palpable - while my daughter gets a lukewarm response. During our visit he will often repetitively ask about my brother who rarely visits and didn't provide him any support in the last (hard) 5 years. My daughter notices all this - how do I it to explain it all to her? Do I also have a responsibility to make sure my son knows that he isn't necessarily loved more by his grandfather, its just a product of the patriarchy?

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, Clementine unpacks a question around how a misogynistic grandfather relates to his grandchildren.

My question relates to my 72 year old dad who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and is now living in residential care. While there would be no point to hold him to account due to his cognitive decline, it's hard to reconcile within myself the blatant preference to male family members that he displays. On my weekly visit with my daughter and son, his excitement to see my son is palpable - while my daughter gets a lukewarm response. During our visit he will often repetitively ask about my brother who rarely visits and didn't provide him any support in the last (hard) 5 years. My daughter notices all this - how do I it to explain it all to her? Do I also have a responsibility to make sure my son knows that he isn't necessarily loved more by his grandfather, its just a product of the patriarchy?

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Previous Episode

Splitting Finances, Embracing Body Hair & Your Obligations To Your Parents

This week we revisit some of Clementine's most valuable pearls of wisdom.

This week Clem answers:

I have recently been instructed by my gynaecologist to stop shaving so I can recover from a medical condition. Lately though, as I "bare" witness to my full bush returning, feeling sexy with my new look has eluded me. My current, and wonderfully supportive partner says it makes no difference to them but I can't help but feel... messy? Unkempt perhaps? How can I learn to feel sexy with my body hair, empowered, and untamed in all of my natural glory?
Growing up, my dad and I were incredibly close — but that changed when I was a teenager. He left my mother and married his much younger student at the university where he worked. My mother has always been mentally unstable — she’d been abusive and violent towards me, and we’ve never been close. My dad was frustrated that I was unable to just be happy for him and his new marriage, while I felt completely abandoned. For the past decade, we’ve barely talked. Recently, I became a parent. And my dad has sent an email saying he wants to reconnect. So Clementine, tell me, what do we owe our parents? He fed and clothed me, so in return, do I owe him a civil relationship and access to his grandchild?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I make almost half of what he makes. However, he insists everything we purchase is split evenly. Is it problematic of me to want our purchases to be split based on our wages rather than down the middle and if not, how do I raise this with him without him dismissing it as unfair or inappropriate?

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Next Episode

My Partner Wants Kids, But I'll Have To Do All The Work

Today Clementine unpicks a familiar conundrum - a partner who already doesn't take on their share of the mental load, but wants to now add kids to the mix.

My boyfriend is a lovely person and we have a respectful and affectionate relationship. He does a decent amount of work around the house. My real problem though is I seem to be stuck in a sort of 'management' role in terms of deciding what we will eat, how we will organise our time, and what needs to be done around the home. My partner has problems with anxiety and suspected ADHD so planning and organisation come easier to me than him. But, this dynamic makes me frustrated and resentful towards him, as it feels inappropriate to have to organise another adult's life like this. I am particularly fearful of having a kid, which he is very keen on but I can foresee the burden of decision-making and planning falling much more on me than him. Do you have any advice?

If you have a question for Clementine, send an email to [email protected]

CREDITS
Executive Producer: Edwina Stott
Audio Production: Adrian Walton
Managing Producer: Elle Beattie

For more great Nova Podcasts head to novapodcasts.com.au

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.