Maintaining Connection with an Angry Kid

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Does your child struggle with anger, and do you struggle with how to help them? Tune in to our discussion today with Jessica Sinarski, a certified adoption therapist and author of the picture books Riley the Brave and Your Magic Backpack series. She also serves on the editorial board for The Journal of Child and Adolescent Trauma.
In this episode, we cover:

• All kids get angry, in fact, all people get angry, so how do we know if our kid has bigger issues with anger management?
• Why do kids who have experienced trauma often struggle with anger?
• Does it matter the type of trauma: abuse, neglect, adoption?
• Does the prenatal environment that is not ideal (maternal stress, alcohol or drug exposure, poor nutrition) impact a child’s or youth’s emotional regulation?
• Why do kids seem to overreact—big feelings for what feels like a small issue?
• What are some typical triggers that elicit big responses?
• Steps for managing natural feelings of anger.
  • Name with few words.
  • Working our way back to calm. Co-regulate back to calm. Suggest a break, model deep breath, let’s stop and think, etc.
  • Give a chance to re-do. Fixing the thing that they broke.
  • Read books about regulating emotions.
  • Lots of physical activity.
• Steps for maintaining connections with big angry feelings.
  • Compassion for yourself. It feels hard because it is hard. They have a lot to be angry about.
  • PACE-playful, acceptance, curious, empathy (from Daniel Hughes)
• What do you mean by upstairs and downstairs brains? (from Dan Seigel)
• How do we help our kids understand why they are reacting the way they do and how to handle their feelings better?

Resources:

• Brave Brains
• Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi (ages 0-6)
• My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss (ages 0-6)
• Ravi’s Roar by Tom Percival
• Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang
• Gorilla’s Muscles
• The Riley the Brave series (including Riley the Brave’s Big Feelings Activity Book)
• Hello, Anger (age 7-13)
• Samantha Snowden’s Anger Management Workbook for Kids (age 7-13)
• Your Amazing Brain: The Epic Illustrated Guide (age 8+)
• “Unpacking Anger” (blog post with additional recommended

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