The Coping Season

03/01/21 • 15 min

“Every couple goes through the Coping season. And if you’re not in the Coping season right now at this moment, you’ll be there again at some point. We all go through it.”

— Allison Villa

This episode takes a deep dive into the first of our four relationship seasons: the Coping season.

The Coping season is a rough patch in your relationship, typically caused by one or more life events pulling your time and energy away from your relationship, and sucking up your attention and resources.

External factors that can pull you into a Coping season include events like losing a job or taking a new one, having a new baby, a death in the family, a move or renovation... or a global pandemic.

Internal factors include trust breakdowns, financial problems, infidelity (physical or emotional), or even just feeling as if your partner never really hears you.

Whether voluntary or involuntary, the impact of these events is the same. You only have 24 hours in a day and only so much energy — if you give it all to one area in your life, you’re taking it away from another.

Often, that other area is your relationship.

That doesn’t make you a bad person or even a bad partner!

Every couple experiences the Coping season — honestly, I’d be a little concerned if you didn’t!

What matters is how you move through it... together, as a couple.

Will it weaken your bond and push you apart? Or will you use it as an opportunity for growth and even deeper connection?

Listen to the episode to learn:

The external and internal factors that can spark the onset of a Coping season in your relationship
How to recognize when you need community support to make it through the Coping season as parents
The #1 tip for nurturing your connection and creating touchpoints with your partner

“The challenges in your relationship are your greatest opportunity for connection.”

— Allison Villa

‌Highlights:‌ ‌

01:17 External factors
03:03 Internal factors
04:12 The Coping season is inevitable
05:38 What the Coping season could look like
08:29 Pandemic coping
10:31 Lonely while together
11:02 Your Coping action item

Links:‌ ‌

Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?

https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7

Work With Me:

https://www.allisonvilla.com

Follow Me on Instagram:

https://instagram.com/allison__villa

Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

“Every couple goes through the Coping season. And if you’re not in the Coping season right now at this moment, you’ll be there again at some point. We all go through it.”

— Allison Villa

This episode takes a deep dive into the first of our four relationship seasons: the Coping season.

External factors that can pull you into a Coping season include events like losing a job or taking a new one, having a new baby, a death in the family, a move or renovation... or a global pandemic.

Internal factors include trust breakdowns, financial problems, infidelity (physical or emotional), or even just feeling as if your partner never really hears you.

Often, that other area is your relationship.

That doesn’t make you a bad person or even a bad partner!

Every couple experiences the Coping season — honestly, I’d be a little concerned if you didn’t!

What matters is how you move through it... together, as a couple.

Will it weaken your bond and push you apart? Or will you use it as an opportunity for growth and even deeper connection?

Listen to the episode to learn:

The external and internal factors that can spark the onset of a Coping season in your relationship
How to recognize when you need community support to make it through the Coping season as parents
The #1 tip for nurturing your connection and creating touchpoints with your partner

“The challenges in your relationship are your greatest opportunity for connection.”

— Allison Villa

‌Highlights:‌ ‌

01:17 External factors
03:03 Internal factors
04:12 The Coping season is inevitable
05:38 What the Coping season could look like
08:29 Pandemic coping
10:31 Lonely while together
11:02 Your Coping action item

Links:‌ ‌

Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?

https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7

Work With Me:

https://www.allisonvilla.com

Follow Me on Instagram:

https://instagram.com/allison__villa

Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

Previous Episode

The 4 Relationship Seasons

“The next four episodes are going to change your life.”

— Allison Villa

You know how to dress for the weather outside. You wouldn’t wear a tank top and shorts in the winter, and you wouldn’t wear mittens and a parka in the summer.

Like the weather, our relationships go through seasons — and once you learn the tools to help you deal with each season’s specific issues, you’ll be ready for anything the season will throw at you.

The next four episodes of Couplehood are all about the four relationship seasons. Learning about these seasons will change the way you view your relationship and empower you and your partnership.

I came up with the relationship seasons after noticing distinct patterns in the relationships of my clients and acquaintances — and in my own.

Every relationship goes through these cyclical seasons. Once you understand what they are and why they’re happening, you’ll be able to anticipate these ebbs and flows, work through them without judgment, and come out stronger than ever.

Listen to the episode to learn:

The four relationship seasons — what they are, what they mean, and how they work together
How to reflect on and recognize past relationship seasons you’ve experienced — and how it will help you going forward
The #1 question to ask yourself right now about your relationship seasons

“Having this knowledge will empower you, it will empower your couple, it will change your world and the whole way that you view your relationship.”

— Allison Villa

Highlights:‌ ‌

01:37 Noticing patterns
02:37 Messy feelings
03:34 The relationship seasons
05:04 Recognize your season
06:02 Informed & prepared
07:33 Reflect & recognize
09:07 Couple’s Sandbox
09:52 Your reflective question

Links:‌ ‌

Quiz: What's Your Relationship Season?

https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5f984bffa2c7af0014e9a0b7

Work With Me:

https://www.allisonvilla.com

Follow Me on Instagram:

https://instagram.com/allison__villa

Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!

Next Episode

The Coasting Season

“When you support each other in your self care, that is the ultimate act of love.”

— Allison Villa

The past few episodes of Couplehood have been about the relationship seasons that all couples experience. If you haven’t listened to the first two episodes in this series, I recommend listening now.

It’s important to understand how these seasons work together because, just like the weather, they follow patterns and have logical transitions between them.

This episode takes a deep dive into the second relationship season, the Coasting Season.

I like to call this season the “yellow light” season, after the traffic signal.

Just like the yellow traffic signal, you can think of the Coasting season as a caution: you don’t want to spend too much time in it before moving onto the next!

The Coasting season follows the Coping season, during which you and your partner dealt with a life event that diverted your time and resources from your relationship.

The Coasting season is all about finding your footing again after a trying time.

Generally your focus is on reconnecting with yourself, figuring out what self care looks like for you, and creating more time for your relationship.

It’s about rebuilding a sense of normalcy after a period that felt like anything but.

Listen to the episode to learn:

Why waiting for parenting milestones before making time for your relationship never works — and how it can lead to empty nest syndrome
How you can speed up your time in the Coasting season — and get to the Connected season more quickly
Your #1 action item for working your way through the Coasting season together

“If your children are the only thing connecting you, they feel that. It feels like a lot of pressure for them. They can’t name it, but it’s deeply, deeply subconscious.”

— Allison Villa

Highlights:‌ ‌