Stop Saying "Kids Are Resilient"
06/28/21 • 19 min
“Resiliency doesn’t happen by accident.”
— Allison Villa
It’s pretty common to hear people reassure each other (or themselves) with the phrase “Don’t worry, kids are resilient.” This saying is used as a way to minimize the effects of trauma, hardship, or stress on growing minds. It implies that resilience, the ability to bounce back without too many lasting effects, is an innate trait that all children are born with. It assumes that going through hard things just makes kids stronger automatically.
In fact, this isn’t actually the case. This common saying is not only inaccurate and reductionistic, but actually dangerous.
Resilience is something that must be learned and nurtured through a secure attachment bond — it doesn’t just develop on its own! And while resilience is an especially timely and important concept right now, developing resilience is extremely valuable for maintaining mental health in general! And childhood is by far the best time to do it.
There are many life events or circumstances that can strongly impact a child, from changing schools to moving to losing or being unable to visit a loved one. In this episode, I share a personal story from my own life about the pandemic lockdown which illustrates the importance of building resilience in children. You’ll also learn simple but powerful techniques that you can use to help your child develop this important skill!
There is never a better time to start developing resilience than right now. So let’s get started.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ What resilience actually is — and how it’s developed through the caregiver-child bond
✔ The importance of moving through difficult situations WITH your children
✔ Actionable tools that you can use to help your children build resilience
“Our children have had a lot of things taken away from them over the past year.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:28 Introduction.
01:20 Personal pandemic story.
06:21 Help yourself as well as your child.
07:30 “Kids are resilient” is harmful.
09:14 How resilience develops.
11:20 Move through experiences together.
13:18 Show with words and actions.
14:05 Be aware and make time.
15:41 Model communication.
17:09 Recap.
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
“Resiliency doesn’t happen by accident.”
— Allison Villa
It’s pretty common to hear people reassure each other (or themselves) with the phrase “Don’t worry, kids are resilient.” This saying is used as a way to minimize the effects of trauma, hardship, or stress on growing minds. It implies that resilience, the ability to bounce back without too many lasting effects, is an innate trait that all children are born with. It assumes that going through hard things just makes kids stronger automatically.
In fact, this isn’t actually the case. This common saying is not only inaccurate and reductionistic, but actually dangerous.
Resilience is something that must be learned and nurtured through a secure attachment bond — it doesn’t just develop on its own! And while resilience is an especially timely and important concept right now, developing resilience is extremely valuable for maintaining mental health in general! And childhood is by far the best time to do it.
There are many life events or circumstances that can strongly impact a child, from changing schools to moving to losing or being unable to visit a loved one. In this episode, I share a personal story from my own life about the pandemic lockdown which illustrates the importance of building resilience in children. You’ll also learn simple but powerful techniques that you can use to help your child develop this important skill!
There is never a better time to start developing resilience than right now. So let’s get started.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ What resilience actually is — and how it’s developed through the caregiver-child bond
✔ The importance of moving through difficult situations WITH your children
✔ Actionable tools that you can use to help your children build resilience
“Our children have had a lot of things taken away from them over the past year.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:28 Introduction.
01:20 Personal pandemic story.
06:21 Help yourself as well as your child.
07:30 “Kids are resilient” is harmful.
09:14 How resilience develops.
11:20 Move through experiences together.
13:18 Show with words and actions.
14:05 Be aware and make time.
15:41 Model communication.
17:09 Recap.
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
Previous Episode
How Entrepreneurship Affects Your Relationship, with Lianne Kim
“When I’m being intentional... our relationship feels stronger.”
— Lianne Kim
Are you or your partner an entrepreneur? If so, this episode will be especially helpful for you!
Building a business can take up a lot of room in our lives, in terms of both time and emotional space. But it’s important that we don’t forget to weave connection and intimacy into our lives — it’s vital that we nurture our couple just as we nurture our growing businesses!
My special guest for this episode is Lianne Kim, business coach and founder of Mamas & Co., an online community that provides support to mama entrepreneurs. Lianne is not only a savvy businesswoman, but she’s also a strong believer in taking intentional action within her relationship in order to strengthen it.
This episode explores what happens when entrepreneurship meets couplehood — and the challenges that come up when you’re building up a business and a relationship simultaneously. You’ll hear Lianne’s personal story about her entrepreneurial journey and how wanting to create a living on her own terms affected her relationship. You’ll find out why you shouldn’t be afraid of your (or your partner’s) changing dreams and desires. And you’ll learn Lianne’s top tips for building a joyful business.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ The importance of small, regular, intentional actions and moments of authenticity in strengthening your relationship (with examples)
✔ Why and how you should build play, self care, and creativity into the way that you run your business
✔ Your special discount code to purchase Lianne’s incredible book!
“When I’m prioritizing ‘me’ time... I get my best ideas and beautiful connections.”
— Lianne Kim
Highlights:
00:22 Introduction.
02:13 Meet Lianne Kim.
04:50 Ongoing work and intentional action.
07:36 Love languages and areas of growth.
08:46 Lianne’s relationship/entrepreneurial journey.
12:14 Fears and communication.
14:04 Moments of authenticity and changing desires.
17:44 Building a Joyful Business.
20:14 Importance of play and creativity.
23:58 Entrepreneurs and self-fulfillment.
26:49 Joy isn’t 24/7.
29:08 Family time and conversation-starters.
30:21 The Sandbox.
31:06 Impact of a joyful business on a relationship.
Links:
Lianne Kim
https://www.liannekim.com/book (Promo: COUPLEHOOD)
https://www.facebook.com/liannekimcoach
Instagram: @liannekimcoach
The Business of Thinking Big podcast
https://open.spotify.com/show/4CtmkrCqJQNsE70y3xwRdx
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
Next Episode
The Positive Power of Your Words
“How we shift our words impacts how we show up in that relationship.”
— Allison Villa
Today’s topic is something really simple... but also really powerful: this episode explores exactly why words matter.
Being fluent in communication is definitely a relationship superpower! How you speak to and with your partner (and how you speak ABOUT your partner to others in your life) impacts your couple in significant ways.
You’ve heard the statement “Thoughts become things?”
The same goes for words.
Our words are energetic and powerful. Once spoken, they become real — whether they convey simple dinner plans or our deepest beliefs about our partner. Words and perception are closely linked. This is true for both the way that our words cause us to see other people and the way that our words can cause other people to see themselves.
Shifting our words impacts how we show up in our relationships... even when the words are said to other people.
There are simple, everyday techniques that you can use to heal your perspective, strengthen your relationships, and even build up your own self esteem. Ready to get started? All you need to do is press play.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ How your words can shape the person your child will eventually become — and how shifting the message can change the way you relate to them
✔ 3 steps to healing your words and perspective in your relationship
✔ The importance of giving grace and making space to be human (for both you and your partner)
“How you speak about your relationship to others is precious. It’s important. It matters.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:23 Introduction.
01:19 Why are words so important?
02:38 The impact of shifting the message.
05:39 What are your thoughts about your partner?
08:11 Make space to be human.
08:37 How do you speak about your partner?
10:35 Find your safe people.
11:53 Don’t forget to verbalize the positive.
13:26 Speaking in front of kids.
14:08 Overcoming the challenge.
Links:
Work With Me: https://www.allisonvilla.com
Follow Me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/allison__villa
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review!
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