Understanding Parental Alienation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker

02/06/25 • 35 min

In this episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, a developmental psychologist and expert in parental alienation, discusses the complexities of co-parenting and its psychological impacts on children. She explains the behaviors that contribute to alienation, how to identify them, and the importance of maintaining healthy communication between co-parents.

Dr. Baker also provides insights into recognizing early warning signs of alienation, distinguishing it from legitimate rejection, and offers practical strategies for navigating high-conflict co-parenting situations. The conversation emphasizes the need for resilience and hope for targeted parents, highlighting that relationships can shift and improve over time.

You can learn more about Dr. Baker’s books, research, and talks at AmyJLBaker.com

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Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axK_1kKjOZ0
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Books by Amy JL Baker:

Keywords
parental alienation, co-parenting, child psychology, family dynamics, psychological maltreatment, parenting strategies, child development, family conflict, emotional well-being, resilience

Key Takeaways

Parental alienation involves one parent fostering a child's unjustified rejection of the other parent.
Not all children who reject a parent are alienated; some may be estranged due to legitimate reasons.
There are 17 primary parental alienation behaviors that parents should be aware of.
It's crucial for parents to reflect on their own behaviors to avoid inadvertently alienating their children.
Distinguishing between alienation and legitimate rejection requires ruling out abuse or neglect
High-conflict co-parents should always show up for their parenting time, regardless of the situation.
When children express negative comments about a parent, responding with care and openness is important.
Maintaining hope and connection with children is vital for targeted parents, even in difficult circumstances.

Sound Bites
"You do have to rule out abuse or neglect."
"Always, always, always show up."

Chapters
02:03 Understanding Parental Alienation
03:38 Identifying Alienating Behaviors
06:31 Recognizing Warning Signs in Children
07:18 Distinguishing Alienation from Legitimate Rejection
10:38 The Impact on Extended Family
12:16 Practical Tips for High-Conflict Co-Parenting
14:40 Navigating Child Behavior During Transitions
16:56 Responding to Negative Comments About Co-Parents
18:56 Navigating Child Relationships and Self-Awareness
20:27 The Role of Perspective in Parenting
21:35 Addressing Co-Parenting Challenges
23:13 Managing Disrespectful Behavior from Children
26:30 Understanding Parental Alienation
30:24 Messages of Hope for Targeted Parents
34:44 Understanding the Dynami

BestInterest Coparenting App: Find peace in coparenting, despite the circumstances. Get 10% off at https://bestinterest.app/beyond

You can learn more about Dr. Baker’s books, research, and talks at AmyJLBaker.com

BestInterest coparenting app: https://bestinterest.app/

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axK_1kKjOZ0
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Books by Amy JL Baker:

Key Takeaways

Parental alienation involves one parent fostering a child's unjustified rejection of the other parent.
Not all children who reject a parent are alienated; some may be estranged due to legitimate reasons.
There are 17 primary parental alienation behaviors that parents should be aware of.
It's crucial for parents to reflect on their own behaviors to avoid inadvertently alienating their children.
Distinguishing between alienation and legitimate rejection requires ruling out abuse or neglect
High-conflict co-parents should always show up for their parenting time, regardless of the situation.
When children express negative comments about a parent, responding with care and openness is important.
Maintaining hope and connection with children is vital for targeted parents, even in difficult circumstances.

Sound Bites
"You do have to rule out abuse or neglect."
"Always, always, always show up."

BestInterest Coparenting App: Find peace in coparenting, despite the circumstances. Get 10% off at https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Previous Episode

Strategies for Success After Divorce with Heather Tannenbaum

In this conversation, Heather Tannenbaum shares her journey from experiencing divorce to becoming a divorce coach. She discusses the importance of co-parenting coaches, the dynamics of building a co-parenting team, and how to use divorce as an opportunity for personal growth. Heather emphasizes the significance of putting children first, navigating toxic relationships, and the ongoing nature of co-parenting. She provides insights on creating effective parenting plans, communication strategies, and the importance of self-care for co-parents.
Learn more about Heather Tannenbaum’s book and coaching practice: https://reconstructinghappy.com/

Read Heather’s article on the Best Interest Blog, “How to Avoid Divorce Court and Build a Brighter Future”: https://bestinterest.app/avoid-divorce-court-and-build-a-brighter-future/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/HZHQr74O_1Q
Keywords
divorce, co-parenting, divorce coaching, parenting plans, self-care, communication, family law, personal growth, toxic relationships, parenting strategies

Key Takeaways

Divorce can lead to personal growth and new opportunities.
Co-parenting coaches provide valuable support and perspective.
It's essential to put children's needs first in co-parenting.
Compartmentalizing divorce issues from parenting is crucial.
Creating a detailed parenting plan helps avoid future disputes.
Communication parameters can improve co-parenting dynamics.
Self-care is vital for co-parents to maintain well-being.
Conflict, not divorce, is what negatively impacts children.
Building a supportive co-parenting team can ease the process.
Finding joy and fulfillment outside of parenting is important.

Sound Bites
"What are my next steps here?"
"Maximize the quality of that time."
"You can control your part."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Co-Parenting Coaching
02:11 The Journey to Becoming a Divorce Coach
02:39 The Role of Co-Parenting Coaches
03:52 Building a Co-Parenting Team
05:18 Using Divorce as a Growth Opportunity
07:10 Navigating Toxic Co-Parenting Relationships
08:39 The Importance of Prioritizing Children
09:53 Understanding the Long-Term Nature of Co-Parenting
11:27 Common Mistakes in Parenting Plans
13:31 Effective Communication Strategies
15:32 Self-Care for Co-Parents
17:39 Final Thoughts on Divorce and Co-Parenting
24:54 Wrap Up
24:57 Disclaimer

BestInterest Coparenting App: Find peace in coparenting, despite the circumstances. Get 10% off at https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Next Episode

How to Protect Children in High Conflict Co-Parenting with Jill Barnett Kaufman

In this enlightening conversation, Jill Barnett Kaufman shares her expertise on co-parenting, drawing from her personal experiences and professional background as a therapist and divorce coach. She discusses the complexities of navigating co-parenting relationships, especially in high-conflict situations, and emphasizes the importance of communication, boundaries, and supporting children through the emotional challenges of divorce. Jill also highlights the evolving landscape of divorce support, including the rise of mediation and coaching, and offers valuable advice for those considering remarriage and blending families
Learn more about Jill Barnett Kaufman’s coaching, therapy and mediation work at: https://www.divorcecoachjill.com/
Get the BestInterest Coparenting App: https://bestinterest.app/
Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/nuEbN99zwjg
Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/
Keywords
co-parenting, divorce, parenting strategies, high conflict, communication, family dynamics, support groups, healing, boundaries, remarriage
Key Takeaways
Co-parenting requires a shift from couple dynamics to a colleague-like relationship.
Respect and communication are key in co-parenting.
The BIFF method helps manage communication with high-conflict individuals.
Setting clear boundaries is essential in co-parenting.
Journaling and support groups can aid in emotional healing.
Children should not be burdened with adult conflicts.
Encouraging children to maintain relationships with both parents is crucial.
Awareness of parental alienation and narcissism is increasing.
People are seeking alternatives to traditional divorce methods.
Take time to understand yourself before entering a new relationship.
Sound Bites
"You have to respect each other."
"The BIFF method is a great tool."
"Journaling is really good."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Co-Parenting Challenges
03:45 Transitioning from Partners to Co-Parents
06:18 Navigating High Conflict Situations
08:14 Setting Boundaries in Co-Parenting
10:26 Supporting Children Through Divorce
13:07 Communication Strategies for Co-Parents
15:17 The Importance of Collaboration vs. Parallel Parenting
17:32 Recognizing and Avoiding Manipulative Behaviors
19:55 Trends in Co-Parenting and Divorce
22:18 Advice for Remarriage and Blended Families
24:24 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
29:14 Outro
29:56 Disclaimer

BestInterest Coparenting App: Find peace in coparenting, despite the circumstances. Get 10% off at https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Coparenting Beyond Conflict - Understanding Parental Alienation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker

Transcript

Sol (00:00)
Hi, Amy, welcome to the Coparenting Beyond Conflict podcast. Happy to see you.
Amy J.L. Baker (00:03)
Hi, nice
to be here.
Sol (00:04)
I'm a big fan of your work. I love your book, Coparenting with a Toxic Ex, and it's been very helpful. I'm curious always about how people like yourself choose to get into the field of supporting people that are going through co-parenting challenges, parental alienation. How did you get into this line of work?
Amy J.L. Baker (00