How to Protect Children in High Conflict Co-Parenting with Jill Barnett Kaufman

02/20/25 • 30 min

In this enlightening conversation, Jill Barnett Kaufman shares her expertise on co-parenting, drawing from her personal experiences and professional background as a therapist and divorce coach. She discusses the complexities of navigating co-parenting relationships, especially in high-conflict situations, and emphasizes the importance of communication, boundaries, and supporting children through the emotional challenges of divorce. Jill also highlights the evolving landscape of divorce support, including the rise of mediation and coaching, and offers valuable advice for those considering remarriage and blending families
Learn more about Jill Barnett Kaufman’s coaching, therapy and mediation work at: https://www.divorcecoachjill.com/
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Keywords
co-parenting, divorce, parenting strategies, high conflict, communication, family dynamics, support groups, healing, boundaries, remarriage
Key Takeaways
Co-parenting requires a shift from couple dynamics to a colleague-like relationship.
Respect and communication are key in co-parenting.
The BIFF method helps manage communication with high-conflict individuals.
Setting clear boundaries is essential in co-parenting.
Journaling and support groups can aid in emotional healing.
Children should not be burdened with adult conflicts.
Encouraging children to maintain relationships with both parents is crucial.
Awareness of parental alienation and narcissism is increasing.
People are seeking alternatives to traditional divorce methods.
Take time to understand yourself before entering a new relationship.
Sound Bites
"You have to respect each other."
"The BIFF method is a great tool."
"Journaling is really good."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Co-Parenting Challenges
03:45 Transitioning from Partners to Co-Parents
06:18 Navigating High Conflict Situations
08:14 Setting Boundaries in Co-Parenting
10:26 Supporting Children Through Divorce
13:07 Communication Strategies for Co-Parents
15:17 The Importance of Collaboration vs. Parallel Parenting
17:32 Recognizing and Avoiding Manipulative Behaviors
19:55 Trends in Co-Parenting and Divorce
22:18 Advice for Remarriage and Blended Families
24:24 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
29:14 Outro
29:56 Disclaimer

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BestInterest Coparenting App: Find peace in coparenting, despite the circumstances. Get 10% off at https://bestinterest.app/beyond

Previous Episode

Understanding Parental Alienation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker

In this episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, a developmental psychologist and expert in parental alienation, discusses the complexities of co-parenting and its psychological impacts on children. She explains the behaviors that contribute to alienation, how to identify them, and the importance of maintaining healthy communication between co-parents.

Dr. Baker also provides insights into recognizing early warning signs of alienation, distinguishing it from legitimate rejection, and offers practical strategies for navigating high-conflict co-parenting situations. The conversation emphasizes the need for resilience and hope for targeted parents, highlighting that relationships can shift and improve over time.

You can learn more about Dr. Baker’s books, research, and talks at AmyJLBaker.com

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Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axK_1kKjOZ0
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Books by Amy JL Baker:

Keywords
parental alienation, co-parenting, child psychology, family dynamics, psychological maltreatment, parenting strategies, child development, family conflict, emotional well-being, resilience

Key Takeaways

Parental alienation involves one parent fostering a child's unjustified rejection of the other parent.
Not all children who reject a parent are alienated; some may be estranged due to legitimate reasons.
There are 17 primary parental alienation behaviors that parents should be aware of.
It's crucial for parents to reflect on their own behaviors to avoid inadvertently alienating their children.
Distinguishing between alienation and legitimate rejection requires ruling out abuse or neglect
High-conflict co-parents should always show up for their parenting time, regardless of the situation.
When children express negative comments about a parent, responding with care and openness is important.
Maintaining hope and connection with children is vital for targeted parents, even in difficult circumstances.

Sound Bites
"You do have to rule out abuse or neglect."
"Always, always, always show up."

Chapters
02:03 Understanding Parental Alienation
03:38 Identifying Alienating Behaviors
06:31 Recognizing Warning Signs in Children
07:18 Distinguishing Alienation from Legitimate Rejection
10:38 The Impact on Extended Family
12:16 Practical Tips for High-Conflict Co-Parenting
14:40 Navigating Child Behavior During Transitions
16:56 Responding to Negative Comments About Co-Parents
18:56 Navigating Child Relationships and Self-Awareness
20:27 The Role of Perspective in Parenting
21:35 Addressing Co-Parenting Challenges
23:13 Managing Disrespectful Behavior from Children
26:30 Understanding Parental Alienation
30:24 Messages of Hope for Targeted Parents
34:44 Understanding the Dynami

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Next Episode

Is Your Co-Parenting Hurting Your Kids? The Truth You Need to Hear with Dr. Don Gordon

In this conversation, Dr. Don Gordon, founder and the Executive Director of The Center for Divorce Education, discusses the complexities of co-parenting, particularly in the context of divorce. He highlights the importance of understanding loyalty conflicts, the impact of parental behaviors on children, and effective communication strategies for co-parents. Dr. Gordon emphasizes the need for self-regulation techniques for parents and the psychological effects of conflict on children. He also provides resources for co-parents to improve their relationships and parenting skills.
Learn more about The Center for Divorce Education programs at: https://divorce-education.com/

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Watch This Episode: https://youtu.be/lf1t9tbFeUw
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Keywords
co-parenting, divorce, loyalty conflicts, child psychology, communication strategies, parental behavior, conflict resolution, emotional literacy, self-regulation, parenting resources

Key Takeaways

The absence of a biological father is a risk factor for delinquency.
Loyalty conflicts can significantly affect children's emotional well-being.
Parents often unknowingly put their children in loyalty binds.
Teaching parents about their impact on children can motivate change.
Effective communication is crucial in co-parenting relationships.
Using 'I' messages can diffuse conflict between co-parents.
Self-regulation techniques can help parents manage stress.
Children's cortisol levels can be affected by parental conflict.
Active listening fosters better communication with children.
Resources are available to help co-parents navigate their challenges.

Resources Mentioned
Dr. Gordon’s Programs & Websites:

Children in Between (4-hour co-parenting course) online.divorce-education.com
High Conflict Solutions (for high-conflict co-parenting situations)
highconflictsolutions.com
Children in Between for Kids (teaches kids ages 7-14 emotional literacy & self-regulation) childreninbetweenforkids.com
Parenting Wisely (general parenting skills program) FamilyWorksInc.com

Books & Experts Mentioned:

No Bad Parts – Book by Dr. Richard Schwartz (focuses on inner healing and personal growth using the Internal Family Systems model)
Dr. Warren Farrell – Expert on active listening and relationship-building strategies

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Co-Parenting Challenges
02:47 Understanding Loyalty Conflicts in Co-Parenting
05:55 Identifying Unintentional Harmful Behaviors
08:50 Effective Communication Strategies for Co-Parents
11:52 Navigating High Conflict Co-Parenting Relationships
15:36 The Impact of Conflict on Children
19:45 Self-Regulation Techniques for Parents
24:40 Focusing on Personal Growth and Accountability
28:00 Communication Strategies for Children
30:39 Leveraging Technology in Co-Parenting
31:05 Resources for Co-Parents
32:50 Introduction to Co-Parenting Beyond Conf

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Coparenting Beyond Conflict - How to Protect Children in High Conflict Co-Parenting with Jill Barnett Kaufman

Transcript

Sol (00:01)
Today on Coparenting Beyond Conflict, I'll be speaking with Jill Barnett-Kaufman, a licensed therapist, divorce coach, mediator, and co-parenting expert. After navigating her own challenging divorce, Jill made it her mission to help others face divorce with confidence, less stress, and greater peace. Through her book, I'm Getting Divorced, Now What? and her transformative coaching programs, Jill empowers parents to not just survive, but thrive in divorce and co-parenting.
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