Do You See Me?

07/22/21 • 65 min

Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk

New and extraordinary emotional truth is shared in this session wherein Figs and Teale stop defending their stories and start experiencing the empathy and connection they long for. Discover insights into how reactivity can be an essential precursor to vulnerability.

Timestamps:

01:06 Small talk — Life in Hawaii

05:22 Intro to the session: The ways couples normally try to solve problems

08:07 Therapy tools: "My story is that..."

10:10 Transitioning from story of other to experience of self

13:48 Honoring the reactive cycle before dropping into vulnerability

15:30 Accessing Teale's attachment history

17:35 Session begins — Defending their stories

21:12 Why Figs uses anger

23:50 Teale's story of "I'm the wronged one"

24:48 Feeling behind the anger: Figs is alone | Teale empathizing with Figs

30:33 Teale's hurt and past around anger in men

33:33 Teale protesting with "I don't want to tolerate it"

35:09 Figs feeling triggered around "I'm not gonna tolerate it"

37:36 Teale wants to reorganize her narrative of her life

40:39 Discussing Teale's (triggering) family history

45:17 Teale's family with Figs is healing

46:20 Figs becomes emotional over being that person for Teale

48:25 Teale feels love for that fiery part of Figs

50:42 Session ends — What is your story?

51:08 Scary and activating for Teale to share her attachment history

54:15 Figs' journey to vulnerable empathy for Teale

56:59 Big vulnerable feelings may not look dramatic on the outside

59:49 Feeling activated first helps in moving to deeper vulnerable feelings

01:03:28 Ending chit-chat: The Bro and the Angry Irishman

Visit comeheretomepodcast.com for episode transcripts, social media links, and to subscribe to the mailing list.

If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.

Timestamps:

01:06 Small talk — Life in Hawaii

05:22 Intro to the session: The ways couples normally try to solve problems

08:07 Therapy tools: "My story is that..."

10:10 Transitioning from story of other to experience of self

13:48 Honoring the reactive cycle before dropping into vulnerability

15:30 Accessing Teale's attachment history

17:35 Session begins — Defending their stories

21:12 Why Figs uses anger

23:50 Teale's story of "I'm the wronged one"

24:48 Feeling behind the anger: Figs is alone | Teale empathizing with Figs

30:33 Teale's hurt and past around anger in men

33:33 Teale protesting with "I don't want to tolerate it"

35:09 Figs feeling triggered around "I'm not gonna tolerate it"

37:36 Teale wants to reorganize her narrative of her life

40:39 Discussing Teale's (triggering) family history

45:17 Teale's family with Figs is healing

46:20 Figs becomes emotional over being that person for Teale

48:25 Teale feels love for that fiery part of Figs

50:42 Session ends — What is your story?

51:08 Scary and activating for Teale to share her attachment history

54:15 Figs' journey to vulnerable empathy for Teale

56:59 Big vulnerable feelings may not look dramatic on the outside

59:49 Feeling activated first helps in moving to deeper vulnerable feelings

01:03:28 Ending chit-chat: The Bro and the Angry Irishman

Visit comeheretomepodcast.com for episode transcripts, social media links, and to subscribe to the mailing list.

If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.

Previous Episode

Colluding

"That which we resist, persists," in this therapy session featuring Figs and Teale trying to hide from a negative cycle.

Timestamps:

00:59 Introduction to the session: Figs & Teale colluding not to process

02:52 A Sensory Cycle

06:57 Subverting expectations: Why wasn't Teale excited to be in therapy?

09:39 What you resist persists

11:24 Sometimes compliments can land like a threat

15:31 Session begins — Do we need airpods

16:58 Therapist prompts them to be aware of their bodies

17:27 Reflecting on previous session (ft. shark story diversion)

20:55 Teale asks Figs to speak more quietly

21:53 Teale and processing a lot

22:28 Letting things go — Figs feels Teale is asking him to change a lot today

24:02 Teale perceives anger from Figs

25:54 Figs settling into the idea that he's someone to be scared of

26:17 Teale feeling like she's too much

28:12 Conflict over sleeping arrangements & sensory differences

29:42 Figs & keeping the radio on all day

31:52 Teale's overwhelm & senses

32:35 What do we do?

34:10 Waiting for "the main course"

34:40 Last session from Teale's perspective

35:51 Therapist wants Teale to access her deeper feelings

36:28 Figs doesn't cry often & when he does Teale gets excited

36:58 Figs feels like he's waiting for some future event

37:59 Teale feels like she's in an excited, positive place: Appreciates Figs

40:00 Figs points out that Teale made the positive moment about Figs

40:55 Appreciate from Teale canmake Figs feel threatened

41:46 Partially coming from a place of Teale wanting appreciation

42:34 Therapist brings up Teale bouncing things back to Teale

43:29 The layers of Teale validating others

46:05 Positive sides of this validation

47:13 Figs feels more seen in his life now

49:31 Therapist wants to devote more attention to Teale's deeper places moving forward

51:27 Session ends — Three main takeaways

52:00 1. Be aware when you're in a negative cycle

53:00 2. What you resist persists

54:55 3. Appreciation can touch negative feelings, too

57:43 Thank you!

Visit comeheretomepodcast.com for episode transcripts, social media links, and to subscribe to the mailing list.

If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.

Next Episode

Safe With You

Visit comeheretomepodcast.com for episode transcripts, social media links, and to subscribe to the mailing list. Email [email protected] with feedback or leave a comment on YouTube, Instagram, or Apple Podcasts.

If you or someone you love are struggling in your relationship, visit empathi.com for the relationship quiz, courses, and therapy consultations.