Why we can't help comparing ourselves to others

04/05/24 • 14 min

It’s a very natural human tendency to compare ourselves to the people around us–and even to the people we see portrayed in the media. And like so many other behavioral tendencies, this one is a double-edged sword. Looking at what others have achieved can inspire us to greater effort. It can also make us feel like crap. And we don't want that!

Today, we're delving into the psychology behind why we are driven to compare ourselves to others, the impact it can have on our mental well-being, and some strategies to help you avoid the compare-and-despair cycle.

Takeaways

Recognize that comparing ourselves to others can either motivate us or lead to feelings of inadequacy, depending on our mindset and circumstances.
Be aware of specific situations or people that prompt you to engage in unhealthy comparisons and find ways to either avoid these triggers or change your reaction to them.
Shift your perspective from others to your own journey. Measure your success against your past achievements rather than against others' accomplishments.
Implement a regular practice of acknowledging what you're thankful for, which can transform your viewpoint from comparison to appreciation.
Remember that everyone’s path, including yours, is distinct and equally valuable. Embracing this viewpoint can diminish the urge to compare and help you appreciate the uniqueness of your own and others' life experiences.

Mentioned

Stronger Bones Workshop on April 13th

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

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Takeaways

Recognize that comparing ourselves to others can either motivate us or lead to feelings of inadequacy, depending on our mindset and circumstances.
Be aware of specific situations or people that prompt you to engage in unhealthy comparisons and find ways to either avoid these triggers or change your reaction to them.
Shift your perspective from others to your own journey. Measure your success against your past achievements rather than against others' accomplishments.
Implement a regular practice of acknowledging what you're thankful for, which can transform your viewpoint from comparison to appreciation.
Remember that everyone’s path, including yours, is distinct and equally valuable. Embracing this viewpoint can diminish the urge to compare and help you appreciate the uniqueness of your own and others' life experiences.

Mentioned

Stronger Bones Workshop on April 13th

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

★ Support this podcast ★

Previous Episode

Why behavioral economics shouldn't be the only tool in the toolbox

Behavioral economics has given us a lot of insights into how we can influence our own and other’s behavior. But the approach has some serious limitations, especially when applied to promoting health behaviors.

Joining me on the podcast is Michelle Segar, a frequent guest here on the Change Academy. Michelle is an NIH-funded researcher at the University of Michigan. She’s also a best-selling author and health coach whose work focuses on fostering behavior change that can survive the complexity and unpredictability of the real world.

Takeaways

Take some time on a regular basis to reflect on how your personal values, beliefs, and motivations align with your desired behavioral changes (and vice versa!)
Acknowledge emotional and psychological issues that may present barriers to change. Consider seeking support from a mental health professional, especially if you face challenges like depression, anxiety, or past trauma.
Take a look at your social and physical environment and think about how these factors impact your behavior. Consider where you might find supportive communities or how altering your environment might encourage positive habits.
Consider getting involved with community initiatives or advocacy groups that are working to address broader societal issues that impact our ability to choose healthier behaviors. For example, groups advocating to make our cities and neighborhoods more walkable or bike-friendly, or organizing mobile farmer’s markets, or upgrading local recreational facilities.

Mentioned

They Thought We Were Ridiculous (5-part series on the history of Behavioral Economics)

Better habits aren’t the answer? (Change Academy Ep #111, with Michelle Segar)

No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness, by Michelle Segar

The Joy Choice: How to Finally Achieve Lasting Changes in Eating and Exercise, by Michelle

Certification program for health coaches

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

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Next Episode

How behavior change experts work on their own difficult habits

Kurt Nelson and Tim Houlihan are the co-hosts of the Behavioral Grooves podcast and heavy hitters in the behavioral sciences. In this episode, the three of us trade notes on what we've learned from years of podcasting and behavioral coaching and how it impacts our ability to work with our own behavior challenges. (Yup, we still have them!)

Key Takeaways

Curiosity allows for both open-mindedness and critical thinking.
Trusted sources are a valuable short-cut but can't completely replace our own judgement.
Building a bigger toolkit is great but you still need to know which tool to pick up
Life is a series of experiments with an awful lot of uncontrolled variables.
The wonderful/awful thing about asking for feedback is that you might get it
Who do you want on your behavior change team?

Mentioned
Behavioral Grooves podcast

They thought we were ridiculous: The unlikely story of behavioral economics

Brain/Shift Journal

Nutrition GPA app

Change Academy #134: Why behavioral economics shouldn't be the only tool in the toolbox

Change Academy #123: How to build the circle that supports your best work

Change Academy #50: Motivation and Accountability

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

★ Support this podcast ★

Change Academy - Why we can't help comparing ourselves to others

Transcript

Monica00:00:00.080

It is a very natural human tendency to compare ourselves to the people around us and even to the people we see portrayed in the media. And like so many other behavioral tendencies, this one is a double edged sword. Looking at what others have achieved can inspire us to greater effort. It can also make us feel like crap. So today, we're gonna talk about why that happens and how to avoid the comparison trap.

Brock00:00:32.369