Helping our Kids Explore their Identity

06/10/24 • 29 min

Exploration is a prerequisite to having a settled identity. For parents with kids unsettled and exploring, this can be a frightening time. What role do we play in the exploration process? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter will help us sort it out.

Show notes:

Identity:

Is the sense of self – Who I am and who I am not.

Identity Formation:

Starts with exploration and ends with commitment.
Exploration is trying, investigating, experiencing, researching.
Commitment is being settled, resolved and grounded.

Identity Culture in “the west”:

It is constructed individually. This means that the community has a limited influence on placing an identity on an individual. Rather, the individual has the ownness of discovering and embracing their identity.

Challenge:

Our young people are saddled with the task of sorting out their identity for themselves.

Angst:

Watching young people explore their identity.

Opportunity:

Support and guide exploration in community.
As possible, try not to rigidly force closure on those in the exploration phase. Rather, have dialogue that prompts healthy exploration. Thoughtful open-ended questions, and critical thinking prompts are necessary to guide wise investigation.
Have patience in the process with a goal to maintain relationship.

Fear:

Suppose an unwise identity is chosen?
Remember: Where there is life, there is experience. Where there is experience, there is exploration. Where there is exploration, there is hope yet for a good commitment.

Show notes:

Identity:

Is the sense of self – Who I am and who I am not.

Identity Formation:

Starts with exploration and ends with commitment.
Exploration is trying, investigating, experiencing, researching.
Commitment is being settled, resolved and grounded.

Identity Culture in “the west”:

It is constructed individually. This means that the community has a limited influence on placing an identity on an individual. Rather, the individual has the ownness of discovering and embracing their identity.

Challenge:

Our young people are saddled with the task of sorting out their identity for themselves.

Angst:

Watching young people explore their identity.

Opportunity:

Support and guide exploration in community.
As possible, try not to rigidly force closure on those in the exploration phase. Rather, have dialogue that prompts healthy exploration. Thoughtful open-ended questions, and critical thinking prompts are necessary to guide wise investigation.
Have patience in the process with a goal to maintain relationship.

Fear:

Suppose an unwise identity is chosen?
Remember: Where there is life, there is experience. Where there is experience, there is exploration. Where there is exploration, there is hope yet for a good commitment.

Previous Episode

Lessons from my Left Hand

We all know that the body is made up of different members. Members one of another. The hand needs the foot. The eye needs the ear. But even more profound than these examples is the uncommon humility that my non-dominate left hand has with my dominate right. Similar in frame and made to do everything the right hand can... it performs well, but not as well. Yet it serves my body selflessly and without dissention. In this podcast we will listen and learn from our non-dominate hands a lesson on cooperation and being a member one of another.

An Imagined Interview with my Left Hand:

Me: When did you learn that I was going to be what they call “right-handed?” Left-hand: I learned this early. I noticed you were using the right hand to lead and do the more sensitive tasks.

Me: Do you compare yourself with the right? Left-hand: I don’t. My right hand does his job so well, and I’m glad. I do my job well.

Me: What do you understand your job to be? Left-hand: My job is to be a good left-hand complement to the right-hand.

Me: How do you understand your relationship to be with the right-hand? Left-hand: I don’t see myself separate from my right-hand. We are of the same body. Everything we do separately or together comes from you and is for you. You get the credit for anything we do, and you should.

Me: Do you get jealous of the right hand? Left-hand: No, not at all. I know you are pleased with me and that’s all that matters.

Next Episode

Child's Play

Play lies at the center of life for a child, and it should. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov, a speech language pathologist, along with Brian Sutter, shine light on this important aspect of human growth and development. Additionally, parents should encourage, teach, evaluate and share in the enjoyment of play with our children.

Show notes:

Encourage Play:

Play is critical in the development of language, thought and human relations.

Teach Play:

The norms and technology of the day have stunted play. Some children need to be taught how to play.

Evaluate Play:

Not all play is equal. Many toys and forms of amusement today are adult directed play. Child directed play, on the other hand, provides rich areas of growth and potential.

Utilize Play: