Connection In Marriage (Part 2 of 2)

06/29/20 • 11 min

Connection in marriage is possible. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares with us three keys in connecting with our spouse. Accessibility, responsiveness and engagement go a long way in moving us in the right direction - toward each other.

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Connection in Marriage (Part 1 or 2)

Marriage is far more than a living arrangement. It is a living relationship which meets a core need we each have for connection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer exposes this core need and coaches us on how to achieve it.

Connection in marriage models the connection God desires with us - one in which life flows between us. Christ is the vine and we are the branches.
Every spouse desires connection. Connection answers “yes” to the questions, “Do I matter to you? Are you there for me?”
Withdrawal is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It in fact drives further disconnection. Withdrawal is when a person pulls away from their spouse in silence and inattention.
Aggression is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It, in fact, drives further disconnection. Aggression is when a person pursues their spouse with angst and negative accusation.
Underneath our withdrawal and aggression is hurt. Hurt is the pain that comes from lack of connection. At the surface disagreement between the spouses is apparent, yet spouses actually agree on this one need – connection.
Self-reflection is key to navigating disconnection. Learning why we respond in certain ways and assuring our spouse that though our reactions are imperfect, connection is desired.
Sitting with difficult emotions is key to navigating disconnection. Learning how to face unpleasant emotions and make sense of them with our spouses is necessary.

Connection is made by being available, responsive and engaged with your spouse.

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Empathy

Empathy is a gift we give to others. It is a gift for many reasons, not the least of which, is the selflessness required. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller flushes out empathy. She helps us walk the fine line of looking within ourselves and accessing the God given skill set to turn outward and connect with another person.

Empathy is feeling with people.
Empathy is not fixing people’s hurt.
Empathy is recognizing, acknowledging, and connecting with another person’s emotion.
Empathy is not talking.
Empathy requires selflessness by not making the interaction about us.
Empathy does not require a shared experience.
Empathy requires vulnerability on the part of the giver and the receiver.
Empathy does not require complete understanding of another person’s experience.
Empathy is built by listening to another’s perspective.
Empathy is eroded by minimizing another’s experience.
Empathy is built by prayer.
Empathy is eroded by ignorance.
Empathy flourishes when the hurting person gives the helping person grace to try.
Empathy withers when the hurting person lords their hurt over another.
Empathy flourishes when the helping person gives the hurting person grace to share.
Empathy withers when the helping person lords their perspective over the hurting person.
Empathy is perfectly exampled in Christ, who experienced humanity fully and is now our advocate before the father.