Dating after Divorce-Episode 03
12/01/14 • 16 min
www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
This shows topics
- How long should you wait to date after a divorce
- How to figure out what type of partner you are looking for
- How to navigate this terrain with your children
How long you should wait to date depends on specific circumstances and your mental state. Before moving on, you should be in a place where you are stable, and not actively grieving over your divorce.
Before you date, you need to work on breaking old patterns. Determine what patterns existed in your marriage that were detrimental. In some instances, such as abuse or addiction, a good therapist can help you with this.
When you are ready, work on your self esteem. A good diet and exercise program can help you feel healthier. Do something for yourself to make you feel good. Positive affirmations and self encouragement are essential.
Make a realistic list of character traits you are looking for in a new partner. Also make a list of deal breakers, or traits that you absolutely cannot tolerate.
Decide how you are going to meet people. Determine if you will be open to blind dates or a dating site/service. Join clubs and/or social groups to find like minded people. Some good meeting places are parks, the gym, church, and school functions.
Accept plenty of dates, even if you know it isn’t a perfect match. Enjoy yourself, and get practice at conversing with another adult without being nervous. Keep initial conversations light, and minimize speak of your divorce and what went wrong.
When you are ready to introduce kids to a new partner, determine if it is the right time.
Elementary age children may need extra time, as they are maybe also healing from the divorce. Take it very slow, and look for clues from your child to see how they are coping with it. Keep talking to your child and answering their questions openly and honestly.
Middle school children can be introduced quicker, but may be reluctant to cooperate. If your middle schooler is full of angst and acting out behaviorally, take things slowly. Again, keep communicating with your child.
High schoolers are less invested in the love life of their parents. Though, in some case, feel it is their job to manage a parents life. If this sounds like your child, remind them that you are an adult, but appreciate their concern.
Remember that only you can make the choices that are best for you and your family, regardless of everyone giving you their unsolicited opinions. Only do what you think is best for yourself and your family.
If you have any tips on Dating after divorce, please comment on the show notes at blendedfamilypodcast.com/3
If you want to know more about me and my journey, read my blog called Yes, we met at McDonalds
Next Week’s topic is Holidays and Traditions
To donate to the Hardman family, please click here. They suffered a tragic loss a couple of weeks ago when their blended family was in an accident, killing both parents and three of their children.
To join the community
- Subscibe on ITunes or Stitcher
- Leave a review
- Join the conversation on Facebook
- Visit us on twitter
- Visit the website at www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
- leave feedback, questions, or topic ideas to [email protected]
www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
This shows topics
- How long should you wait to date after a divorce
- How to figure out what type of partner you are looking for
- How to navigate this terrain with your children
How long you should wait to date depends on specific circumstances and your mental state. Before moving on, you should be in a place where you are stable, and not actively grieving over your divorce.
Before you date, you need to work on breaking old patterns. Determine what patterns existed in your marriage that were detrimental. In some instances, such as abuse or addiction, a good therapist can help you with this.
When you are ready, work on your self esteem. A good diet and exercise program can help you feel healthier. Do something for yourself to make you feel good. Positive affirmations and self encouragement are essential.
Make a realistic list of character traits you are looking for in a new partner. Also make a list of deal breakers, or traits that you absolutely cannot tolerate.
Decide how you are going to meet people. Determine if you will be open to blind dates or a dating site/service. Join clubs and/or social groups to find like minded people. Some good meeting places are parks, the gym, church, and school functions.
Accept plenty of dates, even if you know it isn’t a perfect match. Enjoy yourself, and get practice at conversing with another adult without being nervous. Keep initial conversations light, and minimize speak of your divorce and what went wrong.
When you are ready to introduce kids to a new partner, determine if it is the right time.
Elementary age children may need extra time, as they are maybe also healing from the divorce. Take it very slow, and look for clues from your child to see how they are coping with it. Keep talking to your child and answering their questions openly and honestly.
Middle school children can be introduced quicker, but may be reluctant to cooperate. If your middle schooler is full of angst and acting out behaviorally, take things slowly. Again, keep communicating with your child.
High schoolers are less invested in the love life of their parents. Though, in some case, feel it is their job to manage a parents life. If this sounds like your child, remind them that you are an adult, but appreciate their concern.
Remember that only you can make the choices that are best for you and your family, regardless of everyone giving you their unsolicited opinions. Only do what you think is best for yourself and your family.
If you have any tips on Dating after divorce, please comment on the show notes at blendedfamilypodcast.com/3
If you want to know more about me and my journey, read my blog called Yes, we met at McDonalds
Next Week’s topic is Holidays and Traditions
To donate to the Hardman family, please click here. They suffered a tragic loss a couple of weeks ago when their blended family was in an accident, killing both parents and three of their children.
To join the community
- Subscibe on ITunes or Stitcher
- Leave a review
- Join the conversation on Facebook
- Visit us on twitter
- Visit the website at www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
- leave feedback, questions, or topic ideas to [email protected]
Previous Episode
Introduction to the Blended Family Podcast-Episode 01
A blended family is a family that includes children from a previous relationship or marriage. One or both partners may have children.
40-50% of today’s marriages fail, and new relationships formed after are often blended families.
The purpose of this podcast is to create a community to help these struggling families develop methods to make it all work.
This show is for you if
- you have a blended family
- you are a single parent looking to date or already dating
- you are single and dating, with no children of your own, but open to dating someone with children
Some topics we will discuss
- divorce
- communication
- establishing rules
- fighting
- family bonding
- much more
Send in your ideas for topics to [email protected]
This will be a weekly, 20-30 minute solo show, released every Monday.
About the host
Melissa has had a blended family for almost eight years. She lives in Florida with Shawn (her almost husband), four kids, her mother in law, and three dogs. She also runs a local house cleaning business with Shawn called Meticulous Mom Housecleaning.
Next Week’s topic is how to have a healthy divorce
To join the community
- Subscibe on ITunes or Stitcher
- Leave a review
- Join the conversation on Facebook at 1blendedfamily
- Visit us on twitter @1blendedfamily
- Visit the website at www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
- leave feedback, questions, or topic ideas to [email protected]
Next Episode
Episode 04-Holidays and traditions in a Blended Family
www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
Blended families face many struggles during the holiday season. There are things you can do make this time less stressful and more peaceful for your family.
The four topics are
- Religion
- Traditions
- Keeping things fair
- Holiday time sharing
Religion
When the family is divided into two religions, the best practice is to allow celebrating both holidays. Parents and children can learn from one another and expand their culture. If this is against your religious beliefs, there needs to be an open honest discussion about this. All parties must respect one anothers beliefs and come to a place of compromise.
Traditions
When two families come together, even if both the same religion, many times have an entirely different set of traditions and rituals they follow. Sit down with your partner and make a list of each of your traditions and decide which are important to each of you. You can most likely find a way to incorporate them all together. This is all about compromising. You can also sit down with the children and vote on it, or allow each family member to pick a tradition they like the most. Don’t forget, this is the perfect time to discover new traditions that you can start with this new blended family. If there are believers and non believers amongst the kids, make sure the non believers do not spill the beans to the other kids.
Keeping things fair
It is relatively easy to keep things fair in your own home regarding gift giving. When it comes to what goes on in an ex partners home, we have no control. Fighting with a partner over this will not help. If one set of kids receives much more than another set of kids, try as best you can to minimize the extra gifts coming home. As the children get older and more mature, this will be less of an issue.
Time Sharing
Navigating holiday time sharing is extremely challenging, as you each have a drawn up plan with your ex regarding custody and time sharing. Usually each of your plans will be different.
You can choose to celebrate your holidays with a split family. This is easier if the kids are older. When the kids are young, and if it is important to you to celebrate all as one unit, you can choose a day to celebrate when you will all be together. This is a day that falls before or after the holiday. You can get creative with this.
It is important to not allow these issues to cause stress and arguments during the holidays. This should be a time of peace and joy and connectedness.
If you have any tips on how to keep sane during the holidays or how you manage your family schedule? Please comment on the show notes at www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
Next Week’s topic is Moving in together, and how to make that a smooth transition.
To join the community
- Subscibe on ITunes or Stitcher
- Leave a review
- Join the conversation on Facebook at 1blendedfamily
- Visit us on twitter @1blendedfamily
- Visit the website at www.blendedfamilypodcast.com
- leave feedback, questions, or topic ideas to [email protected]
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