84: Self-Advocacy When Being Gaslighted
05/17/22 • 61 min
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When Becky and her transgender husband decide to grow their family, it’s a long, winding road to meeting their baby. First step: make very careful adjustments to her depression & anxiety meds in order to conceive as safely as possible. Next step: the tedious process of seeking out a sperm donor. Then they had to go through 7 emotional rounds of IUI and finally IVF before they could even start a viable pregnancy. Today Becky shares all of those details plus her baby’s birth story, which starts with contractions in the middle of the night, being told she’s not actually in labor when she clearly was, augmenting with pitocin, Becky advocating to have her preferences be honored, and an otherwise fairly uncomplicated birth. She also shares a bit about her breastfeeding journey and how postpartum anxiety started around 3 months out from birth when baby went on a nursing strike.
Please always curate for yourself which episodes you feel will build your confidence and not your anxiety. This is one of the more challenging stories in that Becky was the unfortunate recipient of patient gaslighting, which could be upsetting or triggering for some listeners. However, you’ll hear how smartly Becky advocates for her voice to be heard and her preferences to be respected, so this is one reason we feel this story could be very useful for expectant parents to hear.
If you do choose to skip the story, I highly recommend tuning in to the teaching portion at the end because I’ll go over some simple but powerful self-advocacy strategies that are a glimpse of what you’ll also learn if you come to birth class.
Show notes at birthmattersshow.com
When Becky and her transgender husband decide to grow their family, it’s a long, winding road to meeting their baby. First step: make very careful adjustments to her depression & anxiety meds in order to conceive as safely as possible. Next step: the tedious process of seeking out a sperm donor. Then they had to go through 7 emotional rounds of IUI and finally IVF before they could even start a viable pregnancy. Today Becky shares all of those details plus her baby’s birth story, which starts with contractions in the middle of the night, being told she’s not actually in labor when she clearly was, augmenting with pitocin, Becky advocating to have her preferences be honored, and an otherwise fairly uncomplicated birth. She also shares a bit about her breastfeeding journey and how postpartum anxiety started around 3 months out from birth when baby went on a nursing strike.
Please always curate for yourself which episodes you feel will build your confidence and not your anxiety. This is one of the more challenging stories in that Becky was the unfortunate recipient of patient gaslighting, which could be upsetting or triggering for some listeners. However, you’ll hear how smartly Becky advocates for her voice to be heard and her preferences to be respected, so this is one reason we feel this story could be very useful for expectant parents to hear.
If you do choose to skip the story, I highly recommend tuning in to the teaching portion at the end because I’ll go over some simple but powerful self-advocacy strategies that are a glimpse of what you’ll also learn if you come to birth class.
Show notes at birthmattersshow.com
Previous Episode
83: Precipitous Pushing: A Doula’s Quick Thinking
As a person working in both the wellness and fashion fields, Nadia had intentionally pursued a healthy, fit lifestyle with an active meditation and breathwork practice. However, she discovered she had to ease up on those expectations in pregnancy and be gentle with herself. Early on in her pregnancy and at the recommendation of a friend, she hired both a doula and switched from working with an OB to a hospital midwife practice to feel more nurtured and heard. Soon after graduating from birth class and before her due date, she’s surprised to go into labor. Everyone around her encourages her to rest and relax thinking she probably had a long time ahead of her. However, for Nadia labor progressed unusually quickly. She shares very specific ways that her doula helped keep her and her husband calm, how her doula pivoted and did some quick, smart thinking when it became necessary to switch hospital destinations, and how she strongly advocated for her and her husband to have the best birth possible, including being sure Nadia’s partner didn’t miss the birth!
Show notes at birthmattersshow.com
Next Episode
85: Will Early Labor Ever End?
When Brooklynites Megan & Ted decide to try to get pregnant around the beginning of the pandemic, they’re surprised to conceive immediately. After seeing an OB and desiring less rushed time and more holistic care, they eventually land on giving birth at Brooklyn Birthing Center with midwives and a doula. Megan’s taken aback and challenged when she experiences 3 days of prodromal early labor with very little sleep. Eventually, labor kicks into gear once her water breaks. After pushing for 3+ hours and being told she may need to transfer to the hospital, their doula smartly encourages Megan to try an asymmetrical position that helps the baby get past the pelvic brim and finally be born. Megan & Ted also share about how well-supported they were not only in labor but after birth, too, and how important that was when Megan experienced some baby blues, surfacing in temporary anxiety and uncharacteristic irritability.
Show notes at birthmattersshow.com
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