Help Overcoming Fat Shame

06/11/22 • 71 min

Profanity Warning! I drop a lot of F BOMBS because I am fed up with diet culture and the diet industry and how they work so hard to make us feel shitty about our bodies. Also, we do get into a discussion about Anorexia and how Fat Babes can also have Anorexia, so content warning about Eating Disorders.
We discuss body shame, shame about sex or feeling horny, shame about sex toys, shame about our ANYTHING, and EVERYTHING. We hope this podcast helps you to overcome your own fat shame.
We decided that we really needed to address the Buffalo and Uvalde (and other) massacres to hold space and we discuss how sad and made we have both been. Merf shares with us how important self-care is when the FUCKING WORLD IS ON FIRE!
As always, Merf and I are pretty clear about how disgusted we are by the diet industry and this is a theme that runs through all of our episodes. We are both diet industry dropouts and we are unapologetically fat. We are sex-positive, fat positive, sex work positive, anti-racist, and Black Lives Matter. We are PRO responsible gun ownership (and NO ONE needs to own an a.r. unless you are in the military) and so disgusted by how many children are murdered in our country by guns the murderer bought just hours before they go on their rampages.
A friend of the show sent in a question about DATING WHILE FAT and how she often cancels dates right before they meet because she is anxious about the other person not approving of her body. She feels like she might be catfishing them, so she just doesn't show up.
Merf and I share some tactics we have used to STOP apologizing for our bodies. I share a dating story about how I put it ALL OUT THERE on my dating profile along with my least favorite pics so my date would be happily surprised when I arrived. I also talk about what I say about SEX in my dating profile. (This was when my sweetie and I had a re-boot.)
Merf has P.C.O.S. and she talks about her shame and guilt with her facial hair. Merf also shares how her anorexia screwed up her body permanently. It impacted her height (she should have been taller) and it also impacted her breast size. According to her doctors, she should have had larger cups.)
We also talked about some femmes that rock their beards and I want to link to them here. These babes have hirsutism and some due to P.C.O.S.
In the beginning, Merf also shares a book by Malcolm Gladwell she highly recommends. The book is called "Talking To Strangers" and Merf talks about it in the discussion and shares with us all about the theory and how it related to our country's obsession with guns. Malcolm's theory is called the "coupling theory." More info about coupling theory here.

We have a couple

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Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!

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Previous Episode

Soul-mate; Not Sole Mate. Polyamory 101: Sydney #Fat_Troublemaker

Polyamory is our topic for this episode and we were so delighted to have Sydney on our podcast to help dispel Polyamory Myths.
Sydney LIVES the polyamorous life. She has a husband she nests with. She has a wife who is her bestie and she is married to her, but they do not have sex. And, she has two male partners in her polycule. And, they all practice radical honesty - which is the key to almost all relationships. And, radical honesty is REQUIRED if you are polyamorous. She very clearly describes it and shares with us how she LIVES this life.
Some of you may remember Sydney from a Curvy Girl fashion show a few years back where she dressed as a bride. FABULOUS! She was a show-stopper.
We had about 10 to 15 questions from listeners and friends and we went through the whole list of questions and asked her a few others.
We had a discussion about compersion and jealousy and she shares her theories about jealousy and compersion.
We discussed the fact that poly people come in all ages, all sizes, all skin colors. (Although Sydney would like to see more Black representation in the poly world soon, but we will get into that next time we interview Sydney and discuss Polyamoury 201.
DO NOT UNICORN HUNT is very firm advice Sydney strongly believes can be damaging to the unicorn and cause some trauma. Be honest. Are you a swinger or poly? Be honest with yourself and your future partners.
We discuss if people who are poly are kinky or not.
Resources from Sydney:
1. More Than Two Author: Veaux, Franklin, Rickert, Eve
2. PoleSecure Author: Jessica Fern
3. Love is Not Color Blind: Ruby Bouie Johnson
4. Sydney also recommends a podcast and blog called Polyphia.blog.
Happy Polydays with Leanne Yau
Merf, Sydney, and I are very married to the idea that none of us are in any place
to judge how people live their lives. NO JUDGEMENT. If Polyamory is not for you,
just move along.
Polyamory requires ALOT of talking and communication. NO LIES. Radical honesty,
no deception, no surprises.
We also discussed the meaning of metamour, fluid bonded, polycule, processing, kitchen table polyamory, and so much more.
Merf also recommended a book that is a recourse that discusses how poly relationships
have been around longer than most of us and in hundreds of cultures. I will get that title and add it here, soon.
Thanks a million to our guest Sydney for her time and expertise. Thanks to the best co-host, Merf and to our fabulous (and poly) editor, Asherlee.
Our sponsor is my sex toy website: www.Blissconnection.com

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Next Episode

Heavy Duty Hysterectomies: Special Guest, Tigress Osborn

Bonus Episode: Merf interviews Tigress and me about our 2 Fat Hysterectomies
Bonus Episode: Heavy Duty Hysterectomies

Welcome Tigress Osborn

Creator of Full Figure Entertainment in Oakland, CA Tigress now lives in Arizona.

Fat Visibility and Fat Activism since 2008: If you are a fat person and enjoy some type of fat freedom fatties did not have before 2008, it’s likely Tigress had her hand in it. (Along with a lot of other fabulous, loud, no shit style fat activists. Thank you Tigress and to the other 60 years worth of activists that have all been working hard for all of us.

Content Warning: Numbers mentioned. There is lots of discussion of blood and clots, because, well. It comes with the territory. This is not a SEXY episode, but we feel like it’s an important story to tell. We are two fat women in our 40’s (TO) and 50’s (CB)

We try our best to NOT use gendered language while discussing uteruses and hysterectomies. We are being mindful of our non-binary friends, two-spirit listeners, and trans friends. But, we do slip up or if you notice we slip up, please accept our apologies. (CB and Merf)

4:27 Merf defines and describes the various types of hysterectomies. (CB : I had a radical style which meant everything was removed, including my cervix.) I had 2 days to decide if I wanted mine. Tigress has a longer experience of dealing with her medical problems around getting her

Hysterectomy.

Myths and Misconceptions about Hysterectomies. Some of the things we grow up hearing about women who have hysterectomies - we dry up, our vaginas are no longer “good” or useful.

Tigress brings up the tender feeling around going to the “women’s health” departments where there are lots and lots pics of babies and moms and like everything to do with women’s reproductive issues are such a fun, good time! NOT. And, not for everyone. Including, sometimes, not for Tigress. Having a hysterectomy gives you a lot to examine - and one of the big ones is that you never have the opportunity to have your own children.

7 minutes Tigress goes into her hysterectomy story. She started having a cycle at 11. (The same week she went to the “special talk” in grade school - Free To Be You And Me.) 10 minutes in we discuss some pretty gory stuff around all of the blood clots we have all dealt with. Clots that remind us of animal organs and aliens running down our legs.

Perimenopause is 10 years LONG and maybe a little less and maybe a little more.

Tigress had some fibroids, an ablation, adhesions, PCOS, and possibly endometriosis. Same with Merf. Merf is currently dealing with PCOS, endo, and really want to have a hysterectomy, but is getting push back from her drs.
RESOURCES: Tigress and I both got a lot of support from Caring for our Fat Bodies on Facebook.

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