S4 E6 Havi Kang on Gaslighting and Financial Abuse

10/26/21 • 17 min

In this episode of the Beyond Theory podcast, Havi Kang, a licensed professional counselor and certified sex addiction therapist, delves into the complex issues of gaslighting, financial abuse, and narcissism in relationships, and their impact on women's mental health and addiction. The conversation sheds light on the importance of recognizing these abusive tactics and providing trauma-informed treatment for women seeking to heal from relational trauma.

Havi explains that gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes the victim doubt their own perceptions and believe something is wrong with them mentally. She traces the origin of the term to an old movie where a husband manipulated gas lights to make his wife appear mentally unstable. Financial abuse, another tactic discussed, involves controlling and limiting access to money, hiding financial information, and sabotaging the victim's financial independence.

The episode highlights the prevalence of narcissistic abuse among women entering treatment programs, with many having experienced gaslighting and other manipulative tactics from their partners. Havi emphasizes the need for education to help these women recognize that the abuse was not their fault and to provide them with a supportive environment to share their experiences openly.

Through Havi's work at Willow House, a women's treatment program, she aims to create a safe space for women to heal from the trauma of abusive relationships. By offering validation, empowerment, and the opportunity to find their authentic voice, the program helps women make informed decisions about their relationships and future.

Havi shares a poignant success story of a patient who struggled with self-harm and gender identity issues, highlighting the transformative impact of comprehensive, trauma-informed treatment. After receiving support and guidance, the patient was able to embrace their true self and find happiness.

Key Takeaways:

1. Recognizing Gaslighting and Financial Abuse: Learn to identify the signs of gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse that makes victims doubt their perceptions, and financial abuse, which involves controlling access to money and sabotaging financial independence.

2. Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships: Understand the prevalence of narcissistic abuse among women seeking treatment, and the importance of education in helping them recognize that the abuse was not their fault.

3. Trauma-Informed Treatment for Women: Discover the significance of trauma-informed care in women's treatment programs, which provides a safe space for healing from relational trauma, validation, and empowerment.

4. Overcoming Self-Harm and Gender Identity Struggles: Learn from a success story about a patient who found happiness and self-acceptance after receiving comprehensive treatment for self-harm and gender identity issues.

5. Breaking Free from Abusive Patterns: Recognize the importance of raising awareness about gaslighting, financial abuse, and narcissistic abuse in relationships to help women break free from abusive patterns and reclaim their lives.

6. Reducing Stigma in Seeking Treatment: Understand the significance of reducing stigma surrounding seeking treatment for mental health and addiction challenges stemming from relational trauma.

7. Finding Authentic Voice and Empowerment: Discover how specialized treatment programs help women find their authentic voice, make informed decisions about their relationships, and become empowered to heal.

This episode emphasizes the significance of raising awareness about gaslighting, financial abuse, and narcissistic abuse in relationships, and the role of specialized treatment programs in helping women recover from the mental health and addiction challenges stemming from relational trauma. By reducing the stigma surrounding seeking treatment and providing a healing space for women, Havi Kang and the Beyond Theory podcast aim to empower women to break free from abusive patterns and reclaim their lives.

Key Takeaways:

6. Reducing Stigma in Seeking Treatment: Understand the significance of reducing stigma surrounding seeking treatment for mental health and addiction challenges stemming from relational trauma.

Previous Episode

S4 E5: Havi Kang on Empowering Domestic Violence Survivors

In this episode of Beyond Theory, Dominic Lawson interviews Havi Kang, Clinical Director at Willow House, a women's treatment center within Meadows Behavioral Healthcare. Kang, who immigrated from England to the U.S. in 2000, discusses her journey into the psychology field and the importance of ongoing training and professional development.

As an Indian woman, Kang reflects on how her cultural background and family's immigration experience shaped her strong work ethic. She also shares insights from her "year of learning" with Resmaa Menakem, a Meadows Senior Fellow, whose teachings on racialized trauma and the body's storage of generational trauma have deepened her understanding of trauma recovery, both personally as a woman of color and in supporting Willow House's clients.

Willow House strives to provide a safe, trusted space for women to heal from a range of traumas, with a particular focus on domestic violence recovery. Kang emphasizes that domestic abuse extends beyond physical violence to include financial, emotional, and sexual abuse and control. She describes how women entering treatment are often in a traumatized "freeze" state, afraid to open up about their experiences, which may include violent rape, trafficking, childhood abuse, and more.

To support survivors' healing, Willow House provides trauma-informed care that encompasses education about abuse, validation of experiences, practical safety planning, and evidence-based trauma therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing. By creating an environment of trust and safety, Willow House empowers women to share their stories and begin the difficult but transformative journey of recovery.

Key Takeaways:

1. Domestic violence encompasses physical, emotional, financial, and sexual abuse and control. Trauma-informed treatment is crucial for survivors' recovery.

2. Willow House, a women's treatment center, provides a safe space for domestic abuse and assault survivors to heal, build trust, and share their stories.

3. Clinical Director Havi Kang emphasizes the importance of ongoing training and professional development in providing effective trauma-focused care.

4. Trauma therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing are key components of domestic violence recovery at Willow House.

5. Understanding the impact of racialized trauma and generational trauma is essential for supporting women of color in their healing journey from domestic abuse.

6. Education about abuse, validation of experiences, and practical safety planning are critical aspects of empowering domestic violence survivors.

7. Many domestic abuse survivors enter treatment in a traumatized "freeze" state, requiring a compassionate, trusted environment to open up and begin healing.

Kang's insights illuminate the complex layers of trauma that domestic violence survivors often carry and the critical importance of specialized, compassionate care to help them reclaim their lives. For those seeking healing from the wounds of domestic abuse, Willow House offers a refuge and a path forward.

Next Episode

S4 E7: Whitney Howzell on Transitioning to Adulthood

In this episode of Beyond Theory, Dr. Whitney Howzell, the Executive Director of The Claudia Black Young Adult Center at Meadows Behavioral Healthcare, shares valuable insights on navigating mental health challenges during the COVID-19 pandemic. Dr. Howzell emphasizes the importance of self-care, maintaining perspective, and seeking support during these trying times.

The conversation begins with Dr. Howzell discussing the impact of the pandemic on mental health professionals and the increased demand for their services. She highlights the significance of practicing what she preaches, such as prioritizing rest, self-care, and quality time with loved ones.

For young adults transitioning to adulthood, Dr. Howzell validates the confusion and challenges they may face, reminding them that there's no handbook for this journey. She encourages them to keep moving forward, learn from setbacks, and understand that their current situation doesn't define their future.

The discussion also touches on the CDC report indicating a rise in emergency room visits for suicide attempts and self-harm among young people in 2020. Dr. Howzell attributes this to factors such as the abrupt lockdown, lack of usual support systems, and the negative echo chamber of social media. However, she also commends the creativity and resilience displayed by young individuals in finding new ways to connect and support each other.

Dr. Howzell celebrates the positive shift in communities of color, particularly among Black women, who are increasingly open about their mental health struggles and seeking therapy. She links this progress to exposure from public figures and a pushback against the "strong Black woman" trope.

Regarding her own mental well-being, Dr. Howzell emphasizes the importance of seeing a therapist, practicing emotional check-ins, engaging in self-care activities, and gradually building healthy habits. She advises those struggling with the stigma surrounding mental health to develop self-awareness, reach out for support, and offer non-judgmental listening to others.

Key Takeaways:

1. Prioritizing Self-Care During COVID-19: Dr. Whitney Howzell emphasizes the importance of self-care practices, such as rest, emotional check-ins, and engaging in activities that promote mental well-being, especially for mental health professionals during the pandemic.

2. Validating Young Adults' Challenges: For young adults transitioning to adulthood, Dr. Howzell validates the confusion and difficulties they may encounter, reminding them that growth is a process, and setbacks are opportunities for learning and resilience.

3. Addressing Mental Health Concerns: The CDC report highlights the increased risk of suicide attempts and self-harm among youth during the pandemic. Dr. Howzell attributes this to factors such as isolation, lack of support, and negative social media influences.

4. Innovative Ways to Connect and Cope: Despite the challenges, young people have demonstrated creativity and resilience in finding new ways to connect, support each other, and cope with the pandemic's impact on their mental health.

5. Shifting Mental Health Stigma in Communities of Color: Dr. Howzell celebrates the increasing openness about mental health struggles and the pursuit of therapy among communities of color, particularly Black women, attributing this shift to exposure from public figures and a rejection of limiting stereotypes.

6. Developing Healthy Habits for Mental Well-being: To maintain mental well-being, Dr. Howzell advises developing healthy habits such as seeing a therapist, practicing emotional check-ins, engaging in self-care activities, and building these habits gradually.

7. Supporting Loved Ones' Mental Health: When reaching out to support loved ones who may be struggling with their mental health, Dr. Howzell recommends starting with simple questions, offering a non-judgmental listening ear, and avoiding forcing solutions before they are ready.

8. Seeking Help and Overcoming Stigma: For those struggling with mental health stigma, Dr. Howzell encourages developing self-awareness, reaching out for support, and offering empathy and understanding to others facing similar challenges.

The episode concludes with Dr. Howzell's advice for those seeking help or trying to support loved ones. She encourages individuals to start with simple questions like "Are you okay?" and offer a listening ear without forcing solutions. By validating difficult emotions and providing support, we can help each other navigate the challenges of these unprecedented times.

Dr. Whitney Howzell is the Executive Director of The Claudia Black Young Adult Center at Meadows Behavioral Healthcare. Much of her work has centered on treating adolescents and families with behavioral and emotional issues, sexual compulsive behavior, sexual trauma, and couples with relat...